No Santa For Seat Kicker

August 23, 2010

in Baby & Kid Stories

I was flying early Christmas Day morning from PHL-ORD-SEA on United. I overheard the father in the seat behind me say to his young son, “Look closely out the window, maybe you will see Santa Claus.” I rolled my eyes and cringed knowing what would soon follow as the flight was delayed and the sun slowly started to rise. I overheard the son whine to the father it’s getting light out and I haven’t seen Santa, and then he started to cry. Thirty minutes later, the sobbing subsided and soon after we are up and on our way.

It started with a few thumps and soon cascaded into a full force assault as the little boy was kicking the back of my seat. With a smile, I kindly asked the boy’s parents to stop his actions and for 15 minutes I had peace. Then the kicking began again, with more force than before. I caught the attention of the FA and she asked the parents to control the little boy. Again I had peace for 15 minutes before the “fun” resumed. Showing my Christmas spirit, I stood up (actually crouched because the overhead bins make it impossible to stand) and very quietly mentioned to the father that if his son kicked my seat again, I would rip off the boy’s legs and beat the father to death with them.

The shocked look on the father was priceless, the mother immediately complained to the FA who gave me a thumbs up; the rest of the trip was quiet and peaceful.

I hope the physiatrist bill won’t be excessive when I’m blamed for this child’s failures the rest of his life.

{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

The Teenaged Tourist August 23, 2010 at 3:47 pm

I think you went a bit over the line.


Laura August 23, 2010 at 11:34 pm

No, definitely not over the line. What’s over the line is when parents fail to control their children.


Les August 24, 2010 at 1:48 am

Absolutely unacceptable behavior. Threats of violence are completely unacceptable. How can children mature if adults around them demonstrate total irresponsibility (and I include the writer)?


Clare August 23, 2010 at 11:45 pm



DSD August 24, 2010 at 4:08 am

You are so right. How are children going to mature into responsible adults when they have had no boundries set for them.

Some days the threat of violence is the only way people get the point. When being polite, and having the FA say something don't work what comes next?

And the OP didn't threaten the child, he threatened the parent.

And it worked.


Peace Lover August 24, 2010 at 1:17 am

Ah christmas my favourate time of the year. This story does remind me of the one and only time when I really truly lost it with an uncontrollable child. It is probably an understatement when I say lost it as some physical force was used as well as some words I thought would never come out of my mouth. Quite embarrasing when I think about it now as we are all better then that. Merry Christmas!


Huck August 24, 2010 at 2:41 am

Whenwe travel my girlfriend always seems to get the child behind her that kicks seats. Once it was bad enough before we even left to move to open seats across the aisle. When we did so the mother replied witha smirk "Sorry I can't control my 20 month old". I thought if you can't control them now then you're gonna have some REAL problems when they hit their teens. I believe with all the fees and so on out there that travellers with children should be in a section together (Maybe load them from the back working forward) and those that without loaded from front to back and lastly, those that have to sit near the children section get discounts. Maybe just have the parent sit in front of their own kids. Believe me the kicking would stop. lol


Good King Herod August 24, 2010 at 4:23 am

I love what you did, congrats!

I also would have said, you do that again, and I'll have this plan suck Santa and his Reindeer into one of this planes engines. 🙂


rerere August 24, 2010 at 4:49 am

Well done, rofl!


Barbara August 24, 2010 at 6:52 am

Parents are responsible for controlling their own children. Obviously, these parents failed to do that. The writer was polite the first two times. After the third incident, he knew he needed to be more emphatic. You need to do that with some people. I didn’t take him literally.


DSD August 24, 2010 at 9:04 am

Couldn’t have said it any better.

In the OP’s position I probably would have said the same thing.
And he said it to the parent not the child.


Tam August 24, 2010 at 8:12 am

ITA! Control your unruly kids or keep them at home.


Jody August 24, 2010 at 7:15 am

You definitely did OK. Two polite requests didn’t work — so a firm demand was in order. I bet those “parents” wouldn’t be so tolerant if their seat was being kicked.


yuca August 24, 2010 at 8:51 am

Well done sir!


The Teenaged Tourist August 24, 2010 at 10:11 am

I remember as a toddler how my father controlled me on planes. Although I have never kicked another passenger’s seat, I sometimes got noisy when I was watching the inflight PTV (kids channel on Cathay Pacific) or when I was playing with my brother. How did my father keep me quiet? ‘If you don’t calm down, Mr. Captain will throw you off the plane!’ ‘But dad! we are flying!’ ‘Even worse! No Parachute!’


Applekornkid August 24, 2010 at 11:41 am

Sorry but I have a hard time believing that you can make a death threat to another passenger and all’s you get is a “thumbs up” from the FA.


Brownstain August 25, 2010 at 12:59 am

All seat kickers should be placed in kevlar bags and dropped through a chute into cargo.

Same with screamers and stinkers.

Your friend,

Father Brownstain


rerere August 25, 2010 at 4:55 am



Karl October 28, 2010 at 11:31 am

Father Brownstein, how the hell you got a jewish name as a catholic priest . God will not let you come into haven, at least include all those fatsos in the cargo compartment also.


Stephanie August 25, 2010 at 1:46 am

While I totally disagree with the threat of physical violence, I can also see where it was coming from.

It's not that difficult to control your kids on flights and there is absolutely NO excuse for kicking. Yes kids will move around, heck I fidget when I'm on planes, so if nothing else take off the kids shoes. At least that way if there is an 'accidental' kick (not over and over) it's not as bad.

…and for goodness sakes, bring crap to keep your kids occupied. I see so many adults bringing books and ipods and such for themselves. If we get bored and restless won't a child?

Yes my kids have flown many times. While they were never angels, they were never disruptive either. They knew if they were they couldn't go again.


Good King Herod August 26, 2010 at 8:22 am

Yes Stephanie,

Its called liqquering the little f***ers up before you fly.

Or use Benadryl as an alternative.


Karl October 30, 2010 at 5:53 am

I have an idea: Bring a roll of duct tape and when those little suckers start acting up, here comes the tape around feet, hands and on that big hole also known as mouth.


TheBrit September 5, 2010 at 8:34 pm

I would have turned around, looked the kid in the eye, picked up my cell phone and said “Hello, Santa? Yeah, I’ve got a little boy behind me kicking my seat. Mmhmm…yeah…oh, no presents for him this year? Sucks.”


DAVE September 7, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Hey Brit

Your response was a gem… almost as good as mine. The only downside… when you get up at 3:30 AM for a 6:00 AM flight, you are not as able to think up witty responses. If it had been hours later, I might have gone in that direction, but you get kudos for the quote.


Jas October 28, 2010 at 8:54 am

This story is made up. He is a liar, and a twat.


Karl October 28, 2010 at 11:22 am

I would also come down on this jerk who is not fit to be a father. After the first few kicking I would already wring his neck so that it looks like a cork screw.


FATHER BROWNSTAIN October 29, 2010 at 4:01 am

Its not Brownstein, it's brownstain.

You better be careful-I live in your shorts!


Tux November 15, 2010 at 8:21 am

Oh sheesh, I hope you didn't actually say that. I understand the aggravation caused by this, but that doesn't look good for you.


Kyle March 29, 2011 at 9:43 am

Now people look im only 14, and guess what i don't kick seat, and when i was 10 i travelled a lot cause of my dad, often 16 hour flights to australia or beijing china (12 hours) and i hate it when people kick your seats and guess what one time i asked another kid to stop it and the mother (chinese) gave me such a evil stare and said he can't help it. Does he have a mental illness?


Bridget March 11, 2018 at 10:42 pm

The poster was polite at first and asked nicely for the kid not to kick the seat. He was polite again and it got him jack squat from these two morons who "parent" the kid. It would be hard to rip someone's legs off of their body because of the bones, ligaments and muscles making up the legs are pretty tough. I do hope the kid stops this behavior because someone might carry out their threat in order to stop him!


Toyota= whitegoods March 25, 2018 at 4:46 am

" See Santa? " reminds me of my then 7 year old sister asking our mother " will I see Jesus'
feet? Even at 9 I knew it ain't gonna happen. Back in 1968 in an L-188 from Lae to Brisbane.


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