Neanderthal Man

November 10, 2007

in Weird People Stories

The story I am about to relate took place in July 2005. My wife and I had booked a direct flight from Cleveland to Gatwick – a service that runs from April to October each year. We arrived at the airport in plenty of time to make our flight. I made the mistake of asking what type of aircraft was being used for the flight. I was horrified when I heard it was a Boeing 757- a single aisle plane, three seats on each side of the aisle with only a couple of toilets and nowhere to stand if you wanted to stretch your legs. Also, I remembered from many domestic flights on a 757 that if you sat in the aisle seat you had to pull in your elbows very tightly when the food cart went past or you got badly knocked. I expressed my surprise and disappointment to the check-in clerk that they were using such a small plane for an eight hour journey. I was more or less told “take it or leave it” or change your flight, at an additional cost of course, and go through either Newark, Kennedy or Chicago.

We decided to take the 757 flight as our bags had already been checked. I stupidly asked, “Is the plane full?” The answer – “Yes, in fact, it is overbooked.” She seemed really pleased giving me this piece of news. The omens were not looking good – it meant all the seats would be crammed into a minimal amount of space and the chance of changing our seats or having a empty seat in our row was unlikely. After two hours of ground delays and long after we should have been on our way, we boarded and found our seats about halfway down the plane. I asked the flight attendant if there were any seats on the aisle close to each other, but she glared at me as though I were an idiot and I was told again that the flight was full as we had already been told in the terminal. The plane was still at the gate and she was already suffering from a bad temper.

So we decided to sit back and enjoy the flight as best we could. It took forever for everyone to take their seats; finally they were in the process of closing the door. My wife had the window seat. I had the center seat, and as the door was closing thought, “Good, no one is sitting in the aisle seat – we can stretch out.” The door was almost closed when they re-opened it for a late arriving passenger. This person – of a “Cro-Magnon” or “Neanderthal” appearance – was soaked in perspiration and was wearing a body shirt (you know, the type with an open armpit that almost comes down to the waist), a pair of what once had been white running shorts, and filthy sneakers with, of course, no socks. As it appeared the only available seat was next to me, my stomach fell. He walked up the aisle having what seemed to be difficulty in reading his seat number. He finally calculated where it was and with an almighty crash sat down next to me with such force that the entire row of seats shook. I have to tell you – I have had nightmares over the years of a person such as this sitting next to me and now the nightmare had become a reality. The entire visible part of his body – almost all of it – was covered in tattoos of snakes – something of which I am terrified – thick black hair and dirty feet – no socks as I have said. Add to that a vile overpowering smell of some cheap cologne with which he had drenched himself in order to cover the odor of stale perspiration from his unwashed body.

In my everlasting attempt to be friendly to every one I meet I said “Hello” to him – I was ignored. He was unable to sit still – either from a nervous condition or some type of drugs – and kept moving around in his seat. Not just a slight movement – no, the whole row shook as he threw himself around. My next thought was, “Oh, my Gawd, I have got to put up with this for the next eight hours?” I had my left elbow halfway on the armrest, but he kept pushing it off. In a very loud whisper to my wife, so he would hear me, I started complaining about the disgusting condition of this person next to me. My wife told me to be quiet in case he hit me; his constant glaring at me told me he had heard every word I said.

We were taxiing from the gate over some rough ground and he raised his right arm to the top of the seat in front of him to steady himself. I was hit with the unmistakable offensive smell of his truly unwashed body. Upon this onslaught to my senses I could no longer remain quiet. In a very loud voice I made the statement, “I can’t put up with this smell for very much longer without throwing up!!” Upon hearing this he jumped up, glared at me, muttered a few choice words under his breath, and pulled his bag from under the seat in front of him with such force that the entire row shook. People undid their seatbelts and stood to see what had happened. The flight attendant screamed out for them to sit down and refasten their belts. There must have been an empty seat further back in the plane, as he went and sat there, bringing his presence to other poor fellow travelers. As we landed in Gatwick he ran the entire length of the plane to be the first to disembark. If looks could kill I would have dropped dead from the hatred on his face as he ran past me. It all ended well with my wife and I having the three seats between us, and even though the plane was crowded, it turned into a fairly pleasant flight. Of course, the food was terrible, but we were on vacation – who cared? In no way did it spoil our vacation in England – nothing ever does.

Signed, Lawrence Bently

{ 107 comments… read them below or add one }

John July 15, 2008 at 9:44 am

what is wrong with people? it would be nice if the airlines played "sanitary" police and ordered that all passengers meet a cleanliness/body odor guideline, for the respect of others.

Had I sat next to you and this smelly pig of a man, I would have joined you in verbally relaying a message of disgust to him.

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Trixi November 25, 2008 at 7:48 am

I think Lawrence Bently sounds like an asshole.

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Vonnie August 12, 2010 at 11:59 pm

Lawrence Bently sounds like a total asshat.

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Joan February 14, 2015 at 4:14 am

try sitting next to a smelly arrogant A– hole — you are the asshat

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Kyle March 30, 2011 at 3:37 am

I agree with
Anonymous · 13 weeks ago
this has been the funniest five minutes I've had in five years. Bently is a little rude and ends up being told he should be raped? I seriously can't take any of this as written be people thinking rationally
If america does want him what makes you think ENGLAND WANTS HIM? SEND HIM TO IRAQ IF YOU HATE HIM SO MUCH NOT UK

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Mike R. February 3, 2009 at 11:01 am

definitely does

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Anonymous February 3, 2009 at 3:16 pm

I think his Neanderthal Man story is one of the best ones on the website.

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GNH April 2, 2009 at 8:33 am

Because of flight delays due to storms, when I finally reached my lay over I only had a few minutes to reach my connecting flight at the other end of the airport. I made it but at the cost of being the sweaty guy nobody wants to sit next to. As soon as we were cleared to get up and walk around I took a clean shirt from my carry on and went to the rest room to clean up. I felt much better and I know the person i was sitting next to appreciated it. Too bad not everyone has common courtesy.

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AAP April 2, 2009 at 8:42 am

I think Lawrence Bently definitely sounds like an asshole. You, sir, are an ignorant snob. You didnt pay for first class, so why be so surprised when you have to sit next to a fellow layman? This man probably has no experience on which to see an example of good hygiene, he may have some sort of disorder that prevents him from taking care of himself and/or he may just not know any better. How shameful should HE be that YOU were born into a life of privilege? How would you expect another person to act when you make such rude comments as you did. Who is the most ill-mannered here? Him or you, Mr. Bently? Shame on you.

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Max Power April 2, 2009 at 8:45 am

This Lawrence Bently nerd should have been punched out long before he even boarded the plane. Complaining about flying on a 757? What did you expect them to do? Use a bigger plane that would have cost them more money for your comfort? What's so special about this douchebag that he should not have to sit next to someone or in an aisle seat?

Furthermore, talking shit about someone (no matter how foul they seem) to someone else but loud enough for the subject to hear is like some middle school bullshit. Grow up.

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Knee And Drathal April 2, 2009 at 9:04 am

Lawrence Bently is a tool. What part of this story is the airlines fault?

you are severely ignorant and damaged

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Jeff April 2, 2009 at 9:24 am

What I love most about this story is that the quote:

"In my everlasting attempt to be friendly to every one I meet I said "Hello" to him"

Comes right after his scathing judgement of the person who he hadn't even met yet:

"Add to that a vile overpowering smell of some cheap cologne with which he had drenched himself in order to cover the odor of stale perspiration from his unwashed body."

So, how exactly is being a fake snob any real attempt at being friendly? Being friendly isn't just faking it – it's meaning it. Something Lawrence Bently doesn't seem to have learned in his oh so privileged life.

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Molly April 2, 2009 at 9:25 am

wow, can't believe you were so rude to and judgemental of this guy. I don't blame him at all for giving you death looks, I'm surprised you weren't getting them from everyone on the plane. The world does not revolve around you, have a little humanity and put up with a little body odor for eight hours, it's not gonna kill you.

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Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 9:27 am

Between Lawrence Bently and Neanderthal, I would take Neanderthal anyday because Lawrence Bently is the way more annoying type of person. I am happy Lawrence's day was ruined. Afterall, he didn't seem anyway upset that his constant nagging pissed off the flight attendant and the clerk. You aren't royalty so stop thinking that you should get some sort of preferential treatment over everyone else just because you are annoying enough to complain anytime that life doesn't go exactly your way.

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The smell March 30, 2011 at 3:27 am

Send me a photo, please. PLEASE. That would be priceless you know the guy with the stench that would kill the sewer rats sitting next to you. Oh man. Im dying (laugh) …. from the smell

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Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 9:44 am

I like how this asshole gave the airline clerk guff about riding in a 757, and then gives the employee guff because he couldn't be personally accommodated. I think there should be an "asshole" section on this site, and Mr. Bentley designated to Hall of Fame status.

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Kevin April 2, 2009 at 10:02 am

Another second for the motion that Lawrence Bently is a far bigger asshole than the Neanderthal Man.

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Linda April 2, 2009 at 10:14 am

Wow, you are incredible, Lawrence. The "cheap cologne" as you put it was probably an effort on his part to cover up the smell of seat. At least he made the effort, right?

As for his inability to sit still, it could have stemmed from nervousness from having to sit on an airplane. A lot of people suffer from that.

Honestly, this "Neanderthal" showed a lot more moral and dignity than you. If I had been there, I would have been sorely tempted to chew you out and would definitely have stayed in the seat just because of your rudeness.

The only victim I see in this story is this "Neanderthal" who was probably extremely embarrassed by your little tantrum.

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Howie Feltersnatch May 2, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Embarrassed enough to show a bit of consideration for others? a shower perhaps or even a quick sink bath in the airport restroom ? Oh thats right, its the misguided notion that anything goes these days like sharing your body odor and lack of manners with everyone and if anyone dares to complain then they are a "hater". Swine like Mr. Neanderthal and anyone who would defend that scumbag are the real problem, not Mr. Bentley and the rest of us who actually practice some measure of personal hygeine.

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anonymous April 2, 2009 at 10:19 am

Lets not forget that after all of Lawrence Bently's childish actions and scarring comments which caused this less fortunate but probably hard working man (lets face it he was able to afford an airline ticket)to move his seat on a packed airline that apparently only had 2 empty seats, Mr. Lawrence Bently was able to comfortably enjoy the rest of his flight while the rest of the plane was crammed in like sardines. Thats a hell of a price for a man or woman to pay to be publicly ridiculed for the greety satisfaction of a spoiled idiot to get his way at someone elses expense. Shame on you mr. Bently your kind is far more difficult to deal with.

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Jason April 2, 2009 at 10:24 am

Although I can sympathize with sitting next to someone smelly and fidgety, people who expect VIP treatment and think they're better than others is more annoying. Lawrence tries to sound sophisticated through his writing, but his lack of social tact (complaining loudly so the man can overhear) indicates otherwise. I wish the gross guy would have wiped his armpit all over Lawrence's face.

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THE PLAGUE March 30, 2011 at 3:29 am

are you willing to pay for the funeral? LOL

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Fred April 2, 2009 at 10:41 am

While Lawrence Bently sounds a bit snobbish, at least he tried to be nice.

We ALL have prejudices… that's aprt if the human condition.

While I have been sweaty and smelly myself, Mr Bently makes it quite clear that this guy looks more like someone who was goingto hop onto a city bus than someone who was goingto hop a plane.

Given this trip was to another country, it's safe to say:

1. It was not free

2. There is plenty of paperwork that needed to be done, so this guy has some intelligence or someone with some intelligence is looking out for him

So, what would you have done????

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Amber May 20, 2016 at 2:42 pm

It easily could have been a last minute trip that had to be taken right after getting off work at a manual labour job. Thus producing the sweatiness, the attempt to at least cover it up with cologne is better then nothing. This flight also could have simply been a connection flight, he could have spent any number of hours stuck in another airport or on another plane hoping to make his connection, only to be stuck next to this pisshead.

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Mark April 2, 2009 at 10:52 am

Wow he sure sounds like a snob

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Andy April 2, 2009 at 10:52 am

Is this story for real? Seems almost like an attempt to receive angry commentary to me.

You're flying an 8 hour trans-continental flight. How do you not do the research beforehand to know what situation you'd be facing? If you knew ahead of time that you'd be on a 757 and wouldn't like that, you'd probably have the common sense to change your flight or even request 1st class. Did you really expect on an overbooked flight that you'd actually have an empty seat next to you? You sir, are an idiot.

The flight attendent has a lot of work to do before a flight cramming in everyone onto the plane and helping pack carry-ons in the overhead compartments, and you have to annoy her with a stupid question that you already had the answer to earlier, "is the plane full?" Then you just assume she has a bad temper? I'm surprised you didn't blame your "neanderthall" experience on her. I see no indication in your story that anyone else had a problem. Just you.

There's a difference between attempting to be nice and to actually be nice. You probably whispered "hello" so you can have the self-satisfaction that you said it but not loud enough for him to hear it so you can berate him all you want.

And what is this "Oh, my Gawd" crap? What are you, a 12 year old girl?

I wish the guy hit you. Maybe getting your snobby nose a little bloody might be what you need to get over how privaliged you think you are.

Next time you take a vacation to England, stay there.

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Kyle March 30, 2011 at 3:31 am

Whats england done to anyone? Come on guys i live their, if you don't want them does that mean we do? Send her to iraq or afghanistan.

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William Rutter April 2, 2009 at 11:03 am

Lawrence Bently, get bent! Your story makes you sound like a prissy asshole!

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Jenna April 2, 2009 at 11:07 am

This story gave me quite a chuckle! For people like Lawrence Bently, what comes around goes around and it looks like it all came around his way that day. Thats what you get for being rude and judgemental to others.

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F. Lo April 2, 2009 at 11:10 am

Fred, you are just of an a-hole was this bently character.

I doubt you know anything about the bus systems… What gives you right to say he looked like he was ready to board a bus instead of a plane, and that it wasn't free.

I am guessing you have never stepped on public transportaion (bus system) in your life given your comments. Let me tell you something, come to Madison, WI and you will see very dignified men and women dressed to perfection seating next the lower socioeconomic class family of 4 and be comeplely comfortable. It's not a sense of disrespect and lowered standards but rather a sense of mutal respect realzing we all work hard for what we got.

Your hollier-than-thou attitude is questionable and quite frankly annoying!!

Your preassumption shows more ignornance than a three year old mouse. Let me first point out how upper-class folk have made many attempts in pulling off the "scruffy, I-don't-care-look" so maybe this was his attempt.

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sick of it April 2, 2009 at 11:26 am

WWJD?

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Drive Instead April 2, 2009 at 11:51 am

Lawrence Bently is the worst kind of asshole — an asshole who doesn't realize he's an asshole. From his nonstop judgmental tone to his "horror" about the model of plane he was on to his complete lack of tact, HE is the passenger from hell, not the tattooed cologne dude.

The real problem with flying is the cut-throat nature of the business. Most of us would gladly pay a little extra to have more leg room, elbow room and friendlier service. But the cheap tickets force them to pack us in like sardines and cut other corners, as well.

As a Prius owner, unless an emergency or other scheduling problem prevents it, I choose to drive instead. By the time I factor in car rental at the other end, it usually works out cheaper, even with discount tickets. Plus, I can take along a guest and even my dog, if I want!

Not to mention it's WAY better for the environment…

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Michael September 4, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Until its time to dispose of that battery. Those batteries are terrible for the environment I hear. Also, I thought modes of transportation where a whole bunch of people were moved around as a group (such as an airplane, or a bus for that matter) were considered better for the environment because it means less vehicles are used to transport the same number of people?

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Annon April 2, 2009 at 12:22 pm

Drive Instead: Although you're heart is in the right place, last I checked you cannot drive from Cleveland to Gatwick, England. Just sayin'.

Mr. Bently: I cannot believe that you were immature and blantantly rude enough to passive-agressively insult someone. You probably don't smell that great all of the time either, and it sounds like that other guy was in a huge rush and maybe he didn't have the time to shower or deordorize himself on that particular day. You are the neanderthal in this equation. Just sayin'.

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Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Hey Princess,

It's called First Class. Look into it.

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Ripper April 2, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Mr Bently does indeed sound like the one with the problem. Passive aggressive moron who whispers loudly (so that he can be heard). I wish the guy had vomited on him or something.

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Dylan Alberts April 2, 2009 at 12:48 pm

"'Oh my Gawd'"

Lawrence Bently=Huge Tool

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Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 12:55 pm

One time while on a plane, I sat next to a guy who had Lawrence Bently tattoos all over his body, and it upset me so much I threw up in my own mouth.

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Kyle March 30, 2011 at 3:34 am

Sorry for rating negative, i saw the L word with the B word which paralysed me for a sec.

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Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Someone should punch Lawrence Bently in the dick every day from here to eternity.

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Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Dear Drive Instead,

The only kind of asshole worse than the kind of asshole who doesn't know he's an asshole is the kind of asshole who refers to himself as a Prius owner when it is completely irrelevant. You and Lawrence Bently should get three-way married to your dog.

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me April 2, 2009 at 1:14 pm

Was he Cro-Magnon or Neanderthal? It makes a huge difference toward the believability of your story…

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Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 1:19 pm

You, sir, are a complete ass.

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snidley April 2, 2009 at 1:59 pm

lawrence bently? reminds me of that ween song: "Mr Richard Smoker, You're a poopy poker"

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Jennifer April 2, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Lawrence Bently you are what's wrong with this world. You arrogant prick. Next time check your attitude at the door and perhaps you won't be so inconvenienced by the average person. Does it occur to you that Neanderthal man potentially had problems with a prior flight and had to spend the night in the airport? Where would he shower? What if his luggage had been lost and he was unable to put on a fresh shirt to make you and your pampered ass happy? Get over yourself. Better yet, stay in England. We have enough assholes in this country without shit like you bitching and moaning and acting like you're so entitled. I wish Neanderthal guy had punched you in the face.

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what? April 2, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Sorry Lawrence but you seem a little bit anal retentive yourself!

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Nita April 2, 2009 at 3:58 pm

Bently…you're very lucky the guy didn't flatten your self-involved, silly self. What a jerk you are.

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anthro major April 2, 2009 at 4:09 pm

If the man was so inhuman he must have been a neanderthal, because cro-magnon people were homo sapiens sapiens, like you, me, and lawrence bently.

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LB April 2, 2009 at 4:18 pm

Ok, ok. You all are correct. I AM a complete asshole.

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Nic April 2, 2009 at 7:14 pm

The next time I fly I want to sit next to Uncle Steve

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George Jefferson April 2, 2009 at 7:23 pm

I call BS.

If Lawrence Bently is so superior, why does he live in Cleveland?

Oh, here we go…

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LB is my HERO! April 2, 2009 at 7:46 pm

Well played, lover. well played.

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Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 8:25 pm

this has been the funniest five minutes I've had in five years. Bently is a little rude and ends up being told he should be raped? I seriously can't take any of this as written be people thinking rationally

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FearofFlying April 2, 2009 at 9:24 pm

This story is HILARIOUS!!

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mercutio April 2, 2009 at 9:47 pm

I think the problem in this story isn't the "Neanderthal" man, but rather the passive-aggressive little twerp. That really is the most annoying part if it weren't for him the story might be somewhat decent. Anyways Lawrence Bently I am forced to hope that you either are banned from every airline for being an obnoxious creep or suffer an accidental frontal lobotomy.

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Jeff April 2, 2009 at 10:03 pm

lawrence bently sounds like a gigantic ass…but fuck the smelly guy too…fuck all smelly people…

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Yuripides April 2, 2009 at 10:45 pm

These comments are the funniest thing I've read online in a long time! Poor Lawrence Bently…. He didn't get the response he expected in this forum, did he? Hahaha!

BTW, this story reminds me of a Far Side cartoon. I wonder if anyone knows which one I'm talking about.

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Shakti April 3, 2009 at 1:57 am

Lawrence did all right – got the guy out of the seat. If the guy had been friendly when L said hello, maybe he could have convinced him to "clean up" and then sit down again, but the guy seemed a little crazy. I wish I had that kind of nerve.

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Jonathan Minkus April 3, 2009 at 4:05 am

Lawrence is getting a very bad rap. The goofs who responded to his e-mail like he was some sort of elitist snob would no doubt have been every bit as disgusted having to sit next to that slob for 8 hours.

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Shelley April 3, 2009 at 5:32 am

Jonathan Minkus, you are missing the point. I don't think anyone calling LB an asshole would want to sit next to someone smelly. It's the way LB handled the situation that makes him a complete dickhole. And even before he behaved like a bratty 12-year-old, he was already complaining about flying on a plane that was–GASP–completely filled with people. Also, he's afraid of snake tattoos, which is why he should be fisted in the ass every day by the Hulk.

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last boyscout April 3, 2009 at 9:39 am

This is the same asso who wrote about his other adventure that happened 20+ years ago in Korea(I think it was under Odds&Ends). In it, he relates how he was thrown out of the country or somehow manhandled. Again, all the posters concluded that he is a complete DICK.I'm assuming he's a tired,old retired fuck who needs to tell his pathetic stories to somebody. Rock on Larry Bently!! You pitiful little geek. You probably know that other asso-RIG, who wrote about his "spy episodes" in Eastern Europe.You two Fuckfaces sound eerily similar.

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zack April 3, 2009 at 11:06 am

wow this bently guy is a total douchebag. he deserved to get punched in the face by not only the neaderthal but flight attendants as well

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last boyscout April 3, 2009 at 11:24 am

Thanks for the entertainment Larry. You elicited some of the best comments.

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Shelley April 3, 2009 at 11:27 am

These comments are wonderful–I feel sure I will be quoting some of these little nuggets of brilliance for weeks to come.

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fjackie April 3, 2009 at 1:07 pm

I would have punched LB. But I'm funny that way.

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samdamagicman April 3, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Dude, You're a douche.

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Lawrence Bently 111 April 3, 2009 at 5:01 pm

Dad, you made a complete fucking asso out of yourself and the entire family. I get death threats now and my boyfriend left me. Stop thinking just about yourself and have sympathy for your family. I HATE YOU

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ashley April 4, 2009 at 12:03 pm

wow you people are a bunch of idiots. I guarantee if someone like what was described sat next to you, you would at least want to act like he did, but you probably just don't have the balls.

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Kath December 9, 2009 at 11:44 am

No, I'd have self-restraint and empathy.

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smf April 4, 2009 at 7:27 pm

Great story! There should be a dress code & rules for personal hygiene.

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Anonymous April 5, 2009 at 5:35 am

ashley: you're an asshole too, I guess.

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Beastman April 5, 2009 at 5:36 pm

A fan of the book 'A confederacy of Dunces' by any chance Lawrence?

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jenkins April 7, 2009 at 8:04 am

Lawrence Bentley the queer of queers..Bitch some more FAG!

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Joe Mama April 7, 2009 at 10:19 am

Stop discriminating against cavemen. First Geico, now people on airplanes!

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Anonymous April 7, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Ashley, you are an ignorant asshole. How does nervously, loudly whispering complaints about a guy's odor to your wife constitute having balls? Lawrence Bently is a whiny, cowardly baby, as are you.

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someone April 9, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Should pay abit more for a good flight with lots of room and will still have a caveman beside you!

#

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Mike April 10, 2009 at 9:47 am

The commentary in here from all the pseudo-offended commie liberal "diversity is love" and "judge not lest ye be judged" types has me on the floor laughing!

Let me see if I have this straight – a guy who obviously hasn't a clue about personal hygiene, smells like the taint of a dead walrus, and probably has flies and maggots on him and who, by the way, obviously hasn't a clue about his own personal etiquette, plops down into the seat next to you for the next 8-10 hours. What are all you commie-libs going to do? Sing some 60's protest songs together, or are you going to go an bitch to the FA's? You know as well as I that few, if any, would REALLY tolerate that kind of b.s. for an entire flight. You are all the same ones who bitch and moan about how people up in business class think they're better than you, how all the people with children need to corral their kids, etc. Yet, when something as gross as this guy comes along, and Lawrence objects to it, you're advocating raping and torturing Lawrence?

Grow up. Better yet, just stay on your little communal farms and shut the hell up. People who cannot undertake the basic art of personal hygiene should be called out – everyone else has to suffer because this guy cannot take a shower? Let me guess – maybe his "social upbringing" didn't teach him proper hygiene? B.S. How on earth is he buying a plane ticket overseas? Sell off all the rusted out pickups in front of his trailer? This guy doesn't care about his personal hygiene and thinks everyone else should just take it. I say no.

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Kath December 9, 2009 at 11:46 am

You cannot continue to call anyone who disagrees with you a 'commie liberal'. Particularly when the subject matter is completely unrelated to politics. Because, Mike, I'm not a liberal. I'm definitely not a commie. And I'm a frequent flier. So stop being a douche. Stop making all of us conservatives look like big, heaping piles of douches. Please.

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NOT a liberal. April 10, 2009 at 10:41 am

Dear Mike:

WTF are you talking about? How the hell did you see a liberal agenda in these resonses? You clearly have an axe to grind.

Lawrence acted like an assclown and a bunch of folks made some funny posts about it. End of story. No one has mentioned their feelings about communism, green house gases, PITA, or any other funky left wing interest, except YOU. Perhaps you've been stuffing your head with far right wing propoganda that has you seeing the Liberal Agenda everywhere you look. Lighten up.

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Michael September 4, 2014 at 3:51 pm

Actually, I think someone proudly proclaimed himself a "Prius owner" earlier in this thread and said it was better for the environment, so technically someone did bring up green house gasses indirectly, but other than that I see your point. LOL

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random dude April 10, 2009 at 9:37 pm

cro magnon =/= neanderthal, we are actually the heirs of the cro magnon, who are cousins the neanderthal… protip there broski

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Anonymous April 14, 2009 at 12:09 pm

Lawrence you sound like a spoiled brat…I love when people complain about the size of plane or the service after they purchase a super discounted flight. Service comes with a price…I'll bet anyone sitting next to you on a plane could easily post a similar flight from hell story about a whiney asshole from cleveland who wouldn't stop making unnecessary comments to his wife across other passengers on the plane.

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Hugh April 15, 2009 at 2:16 am

Mr Bentley, you poor man. How could they seat you next to a commoner? Did they not know who you were? I am assuming Air Force One was unavailable for your use? How dare they expect a man such as yourself to bump elbows with common folk. Mr. Bentley, I applaud you for being as understanding as you were. How dare that man get offended by your comment that he was making you sick! Mr. Bentley, know that I will be praying for you from now on…praying that you get cancer of the ass (which in your case is the entire body).

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Socially Inept April 20, 2009 at 10:51 am

You really are a complete tool, Lawrence Bently. If I'd been the guy you embarrased, I would have looked at you after your little outburst, smiled, and said "Hey, buddy, for you, I can give a little extra!" Then I would have popped my heels out of my shoes, put my hands behind my head, and relaxed for a bit.

Out of consideration for the other people around, I would have switched back to a less odor-offensive position after a few minutes, but by then you should have learned you lesson. People like you need to learn some common decency.

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Rob May 27, 2009 at 7:08 pm

Commenting out of the side of your mouth……I would have been climbing all over you every 10 minutes to go to the bathroom.

Dumbass. If you have a personal complaint, grow some balls and state it personally and respectfully to the other human being.

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Atari May 30, 2009 at 10:26 pm

I was enjoying the story until you said, and I quote, "Oh, my gawd."

Tip: If you want to write a decent anecdote, don't use phrases more suiting a fifteen year old teeny bopper.

Yeesh!

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Howie Feltersnatch January 29, 2016 at 9:15 pm

Such as Yeesh! ?

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Mike R. July 14, 2009 at 5:21 am

I agree with 2 points.

Lawrence bentley was a winey wimp. He had a legimate gripe, but went about dealing with it in a totally obnoxious way by wispering so as to be over-heard. He should have been smacked by the smelly guy. Bently should have spoken privately to a FA re: any vacant seats.

I also agree somewhat w/ the guy who ranted about the liberal ethic being expressed by many here. I am fed up with all the

insincere PC-ness which has become part of social interaction in this country, prople expouse tolerance but talk is cheap. One should bathe prior to entering the confined enviornment (pressurized sardine tin) of a long haul flight. Even if bathing is not a part of their routine …….for a long flight , make an f-ing exception!

Got the where with all to fly to England? Then invest in a bath and proper adsorbant attire F-ing first. And if you sit next to me smelling like a corpse, I will speak to FA, privately about a move (if possible) and then remind stinky, as I gather my things, to keep moving lest he be mistaken for an unclaimed body/uninvestigated death upon arrival, autopsied and interred by the Coroner's authority in England.

Screw Bentley and his obnoxious (gay) behavior, and screw all of you PC types who feel compelled to suffer in silence rolling your eyes at each other for 5-6 hours and then BITCH about how bad it was for eternity!

Mike Rosen, M.D.

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Kath December 9, 2009 at 11:50 am

WHAT THE FUCK. I'm probably more conservative than you are, Mr. Mike Rosen, M.D., but I agree with the majority of the comments that are referring to Mr. Lawrence Bentley, Assole, as an arrogant prick.

Katherine Y., F. U.

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Anonymous July 20, 2009 at 3:25 pm

I came to this site expecting a laugh. What I got were a bunch of pampered, whining babies. Most of these stories make me sick to my stomach. YOU guys are exactly whom I do not want to sit by. YOU guys are just as guilty as the people you write about of ruining flights. I am shocked.

This goes out mainly to the author of Neanderthal Man. There's a reason he was giving you bad looks. That reason is because you were being a prick. What a douchebag! You actually said out loud that you couldn't stand his smell? I cannot believe this. "Civilized people" seem pretty barbaric to me.

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Howie Feltersnatch January 29, 2016 at 9:28 pm

Hopefully the next time I fly I am seated next to you and I have eaten a dozen hard boiled eggs for breakfast. If everything goes well about an hour into the flight nature takes its course and I start producing flatulence that would peel paint. Then we can spend the next several hours with you showing empathy and class by comforting me and explaining to everyone on board that my stanky ass farting is natural and I should be treated with respect and dignity. I being a sport will hold every third sinus melting fart so my fellow passengers and all around good folks can snag another barf bag to fill whenever they are not slapping me on the back for just being a regular guy with questionable hygiene. I love people like all of you because there is obviously not a hypocrite in the bunch ! Ican't wait !

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Mack October 27, 2009 at 8:21 am

"In my everlasting attempt to be friendly to every one I meet I said “Hello” to him – I was ignored."

I haven't read any of the other comments yet, so I don't know if I am the first to tell you that you are NOT a friendly person. You're an arrogant elitist who looks down his nose at everyone around him. You may say HELLO to everyone you meet, but you're just being phoney. I sure am glad *EYE* didn't have to sit next to you!

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Babs November 14, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Well I think he is correct. Who on earth wants to sit next to a smelly giant covered in Tatoos. If any of you do then you are nuts! or maybe smelly giants covered in tatoos.

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Kath December 9, 2009 at 11:52 am

You really think any of the people commenting here WANT to sit next to the guy Mr. Bentley described? If you do think that, then you're the lunatic.

Being annoyed and irritated by bad body odor is one thing. Deciding to do something about it by being a passive aggressive jackass is an entirely different thing. What are you, twelve?!

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Laura December 10, 2009 at 11:44 am

LOL Am I the only one here who completely and totally agrees with the OP? I find it hard to believe that all of the people who are giving him shit wouldn't do the same themselves. IMHO You're all being bigger self-righteous assholes than he was.

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booger December 15, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Larry Bentley eats boogers.

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Glenn R. February 1, 2010 at 6:17 pm

In the future, if you want a center seat between you and your wife, I would suggest you BUY IT.

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Tiger Lee February 2, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Lawrence Bently rocks!

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Bob April 26, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Stinky people should be able to ride with the cargo and baggage just as fat slobs should be able to stick with Greyhound. In fact I am the only one who should ever fly, the rest of you peasants should be out trying to find a job.

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Jane May 10, 2010 at 8:15 am

OP is spoiled, anal retentive, and childish. Sounds about right.

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david May 10, 2010 at 8:33 am

hey well what do you expect? a nice a380, an a340, a 747, a 777? cleveland to gatwick isnt exactly a popular route, most desired routes from cleveland to london would be to heathrow, so they use planes that will accom. the needs otherwise it wastes fuel and seats, then people would say oh the prices of tickets are outragious

a 757 is a pretty nice plane, and it gets you from A to B safely and in good time and you have no worries about safety issues, not like those small comuter planes where you hold onto the armrests as the plane rattles down the runway

No matter what type of plane your in you have to squeeze your elbows in for the food cart…….maybe it is a little more comfortable to have your elbow in the aisle if you like the feeling of people walking past you brushing up against you, but maybe thats your thing

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rerere May 10, 2010 at 9:09 am

Well put by david, and I might add that the 757 also has a high saftey reputation, with most of its crashes being either a highjacking, or a pilot error.

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Jesse July 14, 2010 at 8:53 pm

I hope this guy gets hit by a bus. Do the world a favor.

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Big Dave August 10, 2010 at 8:27 am

I bet the article was ACTUALLY written by the so-called Neanderthal himself just to show what a dick-bag LB is. 🙂

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College Kid November 3, 2010 at 11:35 am

meth is a hell of a drug

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Tux November 15, 2010 at 9:32 am

I'm no pauper, and I was raised never to conduct myself in this manner. It's not fun when people stink, but talking about him when he's RIGHT THERE as if his existence doesn't matter is awful.

You're an undeserving snob.

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bildo February 24, 2013 at 9:46 am

I had sex with this entry.

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