Fly into the crazy skies with stories about airline travel
From the category archives:
I was on a Virgin Atlantic flight from Orlando to London. There was bad turbulence due to weather, so they announced that the food and drink service would be delayed. After about an hour and a half, they announced that the drink service in economy would be cancelled because the drinks were falling off the cart. However, we could physically see the drinks being delivered in premium economy and above. Did they have special carts?
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Four years ago, I was returning back from Beijing to San Francisco with my mother. She had joined me on a business trip as she had never been to China and my father was not a big traveler. So this trip had been a big treat for her and it had gone very well. To celebrate this, we had upgraded our business class seats to first class. You know about first class, right? This is the section of the plane where for a princely sum you get luxurious seats, premium food and wine, and impeccable service. Un-huh.
When we sat down, both of our ‘premium’ seats were broken and outdated. That’s OK, we said – we’ll still enjoy everything else about this special flight. Dumb, dumb, dumb. As we were tucking into our pre-entree salad of leafy greens, my mother grabbed my arm with a death grip and with a whisper said “look at my plate.” I did, and to my horror, saw a very large (and no doubt premium) maggot meandering its way across her plate! Now, to my mom’s credit, she didn’t scream. She didn’t flip out. But we were totally nauseated by the experience and refused to eat their food the rest of the 11 hour ride home (wouldn’t you?).
The United ‘first class’ attendants removed our salad, but to our amazement told NO ONE about what their expensive salads might contain! We did to those around us, but I shudder to think what happened across that packed 777 plane. There never was any sort of apology from the flight crew or the airline until I wrote to them demanding one. And they made it clear they had no intention of providing any refund for our expensive experience in insect reproductive cycles and broken seating. You stay classy, United.
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I fear that I may have been a passenger that accounted for fellow passengers experiencing a “flight from hell.” I had 11 hours to kill before my flight in Anchorage, Alaska with no car and a mile or more walk from the airport before I could find any place to hang out. I checked my baggage at the airport and made the walk into the nearest part of town where I rented a bicycle and rode around. I was new to the “legal” drinking age fraternity and decided to stop everywhere I passed for a drink. This grew quite boring and I soon returned to the airport where I ended up in the bar very near my gate with 4 hours before take-off. I sat and chatted with the bartender and some fellow drunks at the bar and wouldn’t you know I lost track of everything. I recall leaving the bar, then there is a large patch of darkness, followed by my searching for a barf-bag with no luck as the woman next to me (I have a window seat) was telling me I don’t look so good. Then comes another period of time that is a blank. I then recall waking up, head propped on the bathroom door sitting, fully clothed mind you, on the airplane toilet. I have no idea how long I had been there or what I had done. I opened the door only to see the passengers directly next to the lavatory looking at me in utter disgust. I then sat in my seat and promptly passed out. This was merely a connecting flight to Houston from where I would then go to NYC.
I felt rather chipper after arriving in Houston and decided to have a smoothie. I was lacking many essential vitamins and minerals so I ordered the large, 32 ouncer. I drank it all the while waiting for my flight and feeling great, except for a slight hangover. Again I had a window seat, this time next to a woman and her 19 year old son. The plane began to taxi and that’s when it happened. Again I was told I don’t look well and again there was no barf bag. I conceded that I was fine and acted like I was continuing to drink my smoothie while gazing out the window. I had completely blocked the woman and her son from my face and popped the top off of my empty Styrofoam cup. I silently vomited into the cup filling it, but on my last silent heave something happened causing me for cough/vomit out my nose all over my shirt. The cup was full and the top back on it, but because we were taxiing I was unable to leave my seat. I promptly took my shirt off and cleaned myself off the best I could and put on a clean shirt I had thoughtfully brought in my carry-on. There was no mess and as far as I could tell, no smell from my 32 oz of vomit sitting at my feet. I again passed out and woke up at the end of the flight, but I cannot help but to think that I contributed to someone having a terrible flight. I apologize to anyone whom I offended and pray that I am not unknowingly on a “no-fly” list. I’m a nice, polite, handsome young man, but I know I drank too much for everyone’s own good and want to share this tale with all so that it may never happen again. If you wish to drink while you travel, take a cruise or have someone drive you.
Regretful Dan (Flying is fun, just don’t be a jerk!)
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Last summer I went on vacation with my roommate and her sister. I was flying back from Florida to Seattle and let me tell you what a horrible trip that was. I got up half way through the flight to go to the bathroom. I was wearing a pair of white Bermuda shorts and a tank top since I was sun burnt on my lower legs and shoulders. When I got done using the bathroom, I was half way out the door when this old man forced his way inside to use the bathroom himself. That did not bother me as much as the fact that he had to bring a cup of coffee with him and poured it all down the back of my shorts and my legs. Not that my legs weren’t already burnt!
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Mobilized!
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