flight attendant

This story took place precisely a year ago, in January 2011. I had spent the last 3 months travelling in South America, and was finally returning home to Northern Europe. At the time of return I was waaay south of Chile, bordering the South Pole areas. So it was obviously going to be a long leg of travel, from the south end of the world to the northernmost part. But my mood was good, and I was prepared with enough books, music and other entertainment.

I had several times previously travelled from Northern Europe to South America, and I had purposely planned my flights so that I would not have to go through Charles de Gaulle Airport in France, as I had nothing but bad experiences with that airport. This meant I was travelling first from Punta Arenas in the south of Chile to the capital Santiago, then from Santiago to Rio de Janeiro, Rio to Madrid, Madrid to London, and London to Oslo.

The first two flights were all in order. But when I got to Rio the flight was delayed 2 hours due to a man getting sick on the plane as we were right about to leave. Oh well, this stuff happens, and he’s not to be blamed. But I already knew by then that the chance of me catching my Madrid connection to London was slimming down. So I had to endure a 14 hour flight knowing that I would end up in Madrid late for my next flight. But I figured it would not be too late at night, and maybe they could book me for another flight.

The man sitting next to me was a pretty foul-smelling French guy. He tried several times to strike up a conversation – in French – even though I made it quite clear that I did not speak a word of French. I tried with English, Spanish and German, but no. He seemed offended that I did not speak French, and apparently decided to tell the FA that I was not hungry and did not want food, as I was asleep when they served dinner. By the time we landed in Madrid I was hungry, had a sore neck from spending the last 30 hours on planes and in airports, and was generally in a bit of a grumpy mood.

Landing in Madrid, I asked the head FA where I should go to get booked onto another flight, since my London one had left hours ago. She gave me directions and I made my way through the maze of an airport. One train ride and 1 hour of walking and searching later, I finally found the desk of my travel operator. By this time I was tired, sweaty and sleep deprived. Her English wasn’t the best, but I understood that while the last flight to London that night was completely booked, she could get me on a flight to Paris – my worst nightmare!

I asked if there were any other options, perhaps Frankfurt to Amsterdam. But no, my only option was Paris. So I accepted and got new tickets. As I left she yells after me, “You should hurry up, the flight leaves in 35 minutes.” Having just made the journey from the gates to the terminal, I knew it would take longer than 35 minutes. I told her this was not possible, and could I perhaps get some assistance? She said no, I was young and should run. (Remark: I was schlepping my 35 kg suit case with me. Running was not a possibility.)

I am by this point fueled with anger and make my way to go through security. The line is long. Extremely long. A sign says waiting time from this point is approximately 45 minutes. I explain my situation and people let me pass – until I get to the security guy. He will have none of this. I explain that people have agreed to let me pass, and I am in an extreme hurry to catch my flight. At this point I am crying, and another security man comes over and lets me through. I run to the train, and just miss it. I have to wait 15 minutes for the next one, and by this time I am falling apart. I envision having to spend the night on the floor of the airport after a day and a half of travel. I catch the next train and by some extreme miracle it turns out the lady at the travel operator called and asked them to hold the plane for me.

I board the plane, only to realise it is indeed the same very aircraft which I had flown from Rio to Madrid. I am also seated in the same seat, next to the French guy. So I have been running around the Madrid airport for a good 2 .5 hours, just to end up in the same effing plane, in the same effing seat next to the same effing guy. It cannot be true!

As we depart I am able to calm myself down. Only this and one more flight and I will finally be home. We land in Paris late at night, and I am by this point so hungry I almost felt like fainting. Having not had dinner, no time to eat in Madrid, and no food was served or able to be bought on the plane (they were out by the time they came to my row in the back of the plane), all I could think of is that I needed to get something to eat. But first I must yet again find my travel operator and get a new ticket to my final destination, Oslo. Luckily this goes pretty well, and I soon have a new ticket, and 2 hours before the flight departs. I go through security and find my gate area. Now, to get some food.

I go to the only little kiosk open, as this is late at night. Pick out some sandwiches and a soda. As I am about to pay the clerk informs me that they don’t accept non-French cards. You have to be kidding me?? The international departure terminal and they only accept French cards? I am bewildered. Since I was originally going though London, I have pounds, but not a single euro. I also have dollars, but he will only accept euros. Unbelievable.

I go to find an ATM. There is only one in the gate area, and it is – shocker – out of service. I try to leave the gate area and go back to the shopping area where there are more ATMs, but am not allowed to do so for security reasons. I am by this point so fed up with the French and this godforsaken airport that I don’t know what to do with myself. I remember so vividly why I chose to NOT travel through de Gaulle airport, it is hell on earth. I end up going to the restroom to drink some water from the sink. I sit and wait for my flight to leave, completely out of energy.

Finally it is time to board. As I embark, the FA looks at my ticket and says I have to sit with a FA in one of their seats, as the flight is completely full and I have literally been thrown onto it by my travel operator. Well isn’t that just perfect. I get to spend the last 2.5 hours sitting backwards in a small seat right into a wall. I find my seat and literally begin to sob. Late night I finally arrive in Oslo after 2 days of travelling, and indulge in all the food I can get my hands on from the vending machine in the train station. My suitcase, which I last saw in Madrid, arrived 9 days later. Broken.

So there it is, my flight from hell story.

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In 1999 I flew from Honolulu to Sydney. We flew with Qantas Airlines. To be honest I rather like flying with Qantas. However the steward we had on this flight was a bit special. We didn’t notice anything in the beginning, but as they served beverages we noticed everyone got their drinks before we did. The reason was because our steward was incredibly slow.

This happened to us again while the food was served. So I decided to have a really good look at this chap. I noticed that his nose was very red, and he was smiling more than normal. Also he was serving very slowly and talking too much. Yes folks, he had a little too much to drink himself. He was actually drunk during the flight, and another steward had to step in for him and make excuses for him. We landed nicely, but I wouldn’t pay any attention to him if anything outside the normal had happened.

It’s nice to fly, but free alcoholic drinks for passengers does not mean that the cabin crew can have the dream job and drink them as well.

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Posted below verbatim is correspondence that was forwarded to Flights From Hell.

Here is a letter I wrote to British Airways complaining about their boorish flight crews!

Dear Sir,

As a frequent BA flyer (Gold Card # ______), I have finally gotten to the point of writing a letter to say how sick to death I am about the obnoxious, boorish behavior of your flight crews when they are on the ground. They congregate in great herds, engaging in loud, obtrusive behaviour as though they own the world and everything in it. Last week was the last straw.

On Tuesday, November 17th, I was enjoying a quiet business dinner at the Mambo Point Restaurant in Kampala, when 8 BA crew came and sat at the adjacent table – 5 females and 3 males. No one objects to high spirits over dinner, but this was way over the top. The loud talking and laughing wasn’t so bad, but when the “BA Spice Girls” started singing, it was just too much. Loudly, and not even in harmony. Other diners were looking on, just as annoyed as I was. They all knew it was BA crew. I asked the restaurant owner if she could discreetly request this mob to keep the noise down. She apologised but said she could not, as they would get up and leave. She obviously had had experience of BA crews before.

When I was leaving I could not resist a parting shot. Speaking to the eldest male of the bunch, clearly the Captain, I quietly let him know that their behaviour was offensive to other diners and was not doing BA’s image any good. Who told me to open my mouth? The “Spice Girls” then rounded on me, loudly castigating me for having the temerity criticise their behaviour. I fled, before things got out of hand.

I write to you because this is not an isolated incident. Once I had to call the front desk at 2:00am on a Wednedsay to get the BA crew in the room next to me to keep the noise down. It is exactly the same elsewhere; BA crews have the reputation for loud, loutish behavior. Do they behave in England like this, or is this kind of behaviour only for export? Judging by the amount of alcohol these people consume, you’re paying them too much overseas allowance!

Fed up,

Cc: Sir Robert Ayling

Chairman & CEO

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You can’t fly from Raleigh-Durham to Nashville at an altitude of 1000 feet – there are mountains in the way! This wasn’t the first thought on my list of increasingly worrisome thoughts about five minutes into our flight out of Raleigh-Durham on a recent clear, sunny Sunday. The first “hmm” moment came when I realized the pilot had significantly cut the engines back. But, I’ve flown plenty of times and know that they change engine speeds for a variety of normal operating reasons – so, no worries. Not yet anyway.

As I continued to gaze out at the landscape below I began to realize it wasn’t getting any smaller. In fact, it might even be getting bigger. As in closer. Uh oh. We had clearly leveled off at maybe 700 feet and were no longer ascending or going very fast. This couldn’t be good. Now the worry meter was starting to heat up – why were we still so close to the ground, why weren’t we ascending anymore, were we losing altitude, how slow can this jet go before it stalls?

I turn to my husband – an A-lister who spends 50% of his life on airplanes. In the most well-modulated voice I could muster I casually say, “Hey – we are going pretty slow and we don’t seem to be going up anymore. Do you think something’s wrong?”

Mr. Frequent Flyer barely looks up from his magazine and says, “No, everything basically sounds normal. Maybe there’s traffic overhead.” Sounded reasonable – for about 3-4 minutes – and then, as I stared out the window, I began to realize we had begun to turn back towards the airport.

Me: “Hey, stop reading. I think we’re going back to the airport. Do you think we are going back? Do you think something’s wrong with the plane? Sh*t, we should have updated our wills. What’s wrong? I’m getting scared something is wrong. Are you worried? Blah blah blah.” My poor husband.

He finally stops reading, looks out the window and says, “Good call, I think we are going back.” Good call? This isn’t a contest. This is supposed to be a quick, 90 minute – uneventful – flight.

Me, again: “I’m getting really worried, why aren’t they saying anything to us?”

Cool, calm, collected, if somewhat insensitive husband says, “Everything still ‘sounds’ like it’s working fine.”

Me: “Aren’t you scared?”

Him: “Nope, nothing I can do about it anyway.” OK, the concept that says, “If you are going to crash, don’t worry about it, your fate is already sealed,” somehow isn’t slowing my heartbeat. I stare out the window and worry. I realize the nice lady sitting behind me isn’t worried at all. She had told me she was on the very first airplane flight of her life. For all she knew, this is how it always went. If we survived, she was going to be in for a surprise on her next flight when the plane roared off the runway and headed straight up to 35,000 feet without a slow, lazy aerial tour of the counties surrounding the airport.

A few minutes later I realize we are turning again – this time back towards our original heading. The engines very slowly start to come up to normal levels and we finally start to ascend, but very slowly. Another 5-10 minutes and the flight attendants get up and start the drink service.

So… emergency – or whatever it was – had seemingly been averted. A big question remains in my mind, though. Why did they never say anything to us about what was going on? Is it standard procedure to keep it to themselves – kind of a “need to know” basis – until it was an actual emergency? It was clearly not a normal take-off. It was also clear that the problem had been resolved. But the lack of communication left me uneasy for the remainder of the flight and way too aware of engine speeds, sounds, etc. I’m sure I wasn’t the only unsettled flyer that day and remain puzzled why nothing was ever explained to the passengers. Thoughts?

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Fifteen More Minutes

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