Portly Stories

I was flying alone from Orlando back home to Phoenix. I got my window seat that I paid extra for (or should I say my company paid extra for) and sat down. A few minutes later, some girl about 14 comes up and is the most polite thing ever. She asks to switch seats so […]

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To start off, I’m a tiny girl, 5’2″ and 110 lbs. But just because of that, please don’t look at the extra space I have in my seat as “up for grabs.”

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I was once on a direct flight from New York to Johannesburg, South Africa (15.5 hours) and had the good fortune of sitting next to a hugely obese man who was sweating profusely. His butt barely fit into his seat, and when he sat down he had to lift his belly up and drape it over […]

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I was heading home from San Francisco back to Phoenix. I checked in at Southwest Airlines and got, I think, seat B32. As I was sitting in the terminal by the gate, I heard a guy talking to a girl. His conversation centered around the fact that they both got “C” boarding passes and he […]

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Just got back from 2 weeks in Hawaii. Here’s just a little hell, given the vacation was paradise. The return Maui (OGG) to San Francisco (SFO) “bus” as I call it left relatively on time. This is an everyday route and you get a wide variety of passengers: partying tourists, islanders off to the mainland, […]

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Boorish Behemoth

April 17, 2013

in Portly Stories

I had one trip that sticks out in my memory. My wife had departed several days early to MCO and our 4 year old daughter and I were following to join her. We had the window and middle seat. I had tried to get first class but was told it was sold out.

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This isn’t really a flight from hell… but it could have been for two passengers! However, it was Scrimmy to the rescue! *Play Heroic Theme Music* Okay, really… I’m quite small. 4’10 and a whopping eighty-nine pounds. Petite little lady, am I. It’s not unusual for people to ask me if I know where my mommy and […]

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Working in Dallas and having family in Austin, I am used to a 3 hour transit period. So when I attended a scholastic logistics competition in Jacksonville and learned that the flight time was three hours from DFW, I thought that the flight would be cake, nothing compared to the overseas flights I had taken […]

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On a flight from Miami to St. Croix, touching off a one week trip during which time I contracted a bug of some sort and felt set to puke 24/7, a man with the approximate physique of Jabba the Hutt boarded the plane and sat in the row behind me. Twenty minutes into the flight he […]

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Two years ago I booked a flight from New Orleans to Sydney Australia via LAX with United. Now, I know that by most people’s judgement I am considered a “slob” because I weigh 522 pounds. But there is a difference between people who eat a lot and me because I have a thyroid condition that […]

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I was flying from Albuquerque to Phoenix. On Southwest Air, I got my “A” boarding pass and took my window seat. Some guy took the aisle seat and the flight filled up. At this point, there were only about 3 empty seats on the plane — all middle seats. As you can imagine, some guy […]

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I am in a rock band that is somewhat famous yet not famous enough to own its own private jet. So needless to say my band mates and I fly a lot. On one of our flights I walk down the aisle and was horrified to see the huge man sitting there in my seat (aisle […]

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