Senior Stories

A16. I love that number. As anyone who flies Southwest knows, that’s a magical number. That number means you can sit just about anywhere you want. On this particular flight from Denver to Ont., California, I chose to sit in the aisle seat of the bulkhead.

People streamed past me to further aisles. On the line went, everyone shuffling past, leaving me to wonder if, for once, I was truly going to get an aisle to myself. The thought tickled me. Then -

“Excuse me. We need to sit here.” I looked up to see an elderly couple.

“Sure,” I said, moving into the aisle to let them get seated. He chose the aisle seat, and she the window, leaving me with the middle.

Now, I’m pretty accommodating. Even though I love the aisle seat, if these folks wanted their particular perches, I was cool with that. Until it got weird.

First of all, the gentleman smelled like McDonald’s pickles. You know the cheap ones they put on their burgers? Clearly he’d just been eating one. The smell was incredible, and it only got worse after takeoff. To cork it, he kept dozing off, lolling his head on my shoulder and expelling pickle-breath into my face.

I turned to his wife and asked if she’d like to switch with me. “No,” she said. “It’ll only wake him up again.”

After a few minutes, she produced a newspaper, the crinkling of which woke him. She turned to a full-page ad for the “Portable Amish-Made Fireplace” (the one that looks like a real article). She thrust the newspaper across me and stabbed a finger at the page. “We need one of these! Keep your room warm!” There ensued an argument about portable fireplaces, and supporting the Amish, and wait – the Amish made electronics now?

“Actually, ma’am,” I interrupted. “The Amish didn’t make the actual fireplace. They just made the wooden mantel on it.”

“This article says they made the fireplace.”

“Ah, they made that one part. And truthfully, it’s not an article – it’s an ad made to look like one.” I indicated the giant letters that read “This is an Advertisement” across the top.

She stared at me. Then she tucked the newspaper away, folded her arms, and proceeded to glare straight ahead until the snacks came around. That’s when I got a sharp nudge to the arm and a “Get me one of those cookie things, will you?” Pickle-breath was back to snoring, and I was ordered to “Get one for him too. I”ll keep it in my purse.”

Finally, around 20 minutes of peace. Then – “I need to use the facilities.” All right. “You need to move. I can’t get in front of you.” Mind you, we’re seated in the bulkhead, so she’s got room to spare. Biting my tongue, I climbed into the aisle and stood by.

She used her husband as a hand-hold. He slept through it. When she reached the aisle, she used ME as a hand-hold (no joke, front of my shirt grab), then sort of shoved me backward and almost onto the floor.

Landing couldn’t come fast enough. When it did – you guessed it – Senior Sally held up the whole plane while she tried to get her suitcase out of the overhead bin (where I’d helpfully put it when they seated, and she snapped that she didn’t want me reaching again).

I was taught to respect my elders. Apparently this elder wasn’t taught to respect anyone ELSE.

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Not necessarily a Flight From Hell, but it was a little frustrating, and one you just have to shake your head at.

I was on American Airlines Flight 5 from DFW to HNL on Septmber 2nd, 2010. In the boarding area there were several children playing and laughing, and immediately my first thought was please let these children be well-behaved for this 8 eight hour flight… please. And they were.

Unbeknownst to me, the irritation would come not from the children, but from the group of senior citizens traveling together on this same flight.

I board, take my seat, and put my small backpack under the seat in front of me, and so does my partner. We were sitting in Group 2, and it seemed like we were waiting quite a while for the other passengers to board. Then we saw why… there was a group of 25-30 senior citizens. Each was very confused about where to sit, and how the seats were numbered. They were examining their tickets, and then the seat numbers, etc.

Finally the two older ladies who were to sit in the row in front of us came down the aisle. One was barking orders to a younger gentleman, saying here is my seat, put my bag up there. And this younger man nicely tugged and lugged and stuffed her huge bag into the overhead compartment. Then he had to make his way back toward the front of the plane. Then a few minutes later here he comes again down the aisle with a huge bag for the other older lady. One of the older ladies said, “I don’t know how we would have managed without your help. Thank you.” As the man began to make his way back to the front of the plane to his seat, other older folks started to ask him to help them with their bags. He probably helped at least 5 other people put their bags in the bins. (We found out later he was a complete stranger and not with the group.)

So, issue number 1: Folks if you cannot wheel your bag on the plane, let alone lift it into the overhead bin, don’t bring it! It is rude to rely on the kindness of strangers and expect them to hurt their backs tugging the luggage that you are too cheap to check!

So we take our seats thinking the ordeal is over, and a rather attractive 20 year old comes down the aisle. She says to one of the senior citizens in front of us, “I believe you have my seat.” The older women were a bit flabbergasted and fumbled for their papers. It was determined that yes, one of them was in the incorrect seat. The 20-something very politely said, “Are you both travelling together?” And, the response was “Yes.” So the 20-something volunteered to take the older lady’s seat, which the older lady said was on the other side of the plane. The 20-something crossed over the people in the middle to the other side of the plane and sat down (2-3-2 configuration).

A few minutes later another younger lady came down the far aisle and said to the “transplanted” 20-something, you are in my seat! The 20-something tried to explain to the person that she was sorry, and pointed to the senior in front of us, saying she switched with her. Seeing the commotion the senior started laughing, saying, “Oh my, did I cause this confusion, I am sorry.” So the 20-something got up and gave up her seat, asking the senior where her seat was, to which the senior pointed one row up.

Well guess what - a few minutes later a man came down the aisle and told the “twice transplanted” 20-something that she was in his seat. The 20-something had the patience of Job. She tried to explain the reason, etc.  By this time the flight was about ready to depart and a flight attendant came back to see what the trouble was. The senior again started laughing. She said, “Oh, I caused all kinds of problems by sitting in the wrong seat.” The flight attendant asked the man if he would mind sitting in the incorrect seat, and because it was a middle/aisle seat, he was fine with it.

Issue number 2: The senior continued to laugh saying she caused all kinds of problems by sitting in the wrong seat, but never offered to rectify the situation by moving herself… how rude! Also, I thought it was some kind of rule that you had to sit in your assigned seat? What if the plane was to go down, and they were to try to identify people? Oh well.

So the flight takes off, we read some, and then after a while we begin to watch the in-flight movie, “Letters to Juliet.” About this time, all of the seniors must be on the same schedule because they all get up and head to the bathroom. OK no problem, we understand. But, it doesn’t stop there… some actually walked up and down the aisles of the planes, I guess to stretch their legs. We just wanted to scream, “Sit down; take your seat!” But, trying to understand, and knowing my Mom is a senior too, I try to be patient.

One senior stops in front of the people in front of us and begins to “chat” – chat, chat, chat - all the time blocking our view of the TV monitor. We are sitting there with wires in our ears staring directly at her, and she just didn’t get it. We shifted from side to side, and finally I said, “I’m so sorry, but we are trying to watch the movie, could you move to the side?” The lady apologized, and went back to her seat. But not 20 minutes later, here she is back again, sharing some juicy gossip with two seniors in the row in front of us, and blocking our view… oblivious that there is an issue. I took off my earphones and got my book out again, saying nothing more.

Issue number 3: Please try to be considerate of others on the plane - walking back and forth, stopping to chat, etc. - is annoying to those of us just wanting to relax, watch the movie, etc. And, again… isn’t this something that wouldn’t normally be allowed? Doesn’t the pilot request that people take their seats when not going to and from the bathroom? Why were the seniors exempt?

So, to make this story even longer… the flight lands, and only having our backpacks, we decide to get up as soon as the pilot hits the seatbelt sign and try to make our way in front of the seniors before they expected us to carry their baggage, and before they hold up the line exiting the plane. Luckily being younger and more agile, we advanced 10 rows forward before most of the seniors got up (I know I am a schmuck for not helping these seniors, but after 8 long hours, I didn’t have the patience). We got to the luggage carousel, waited for our luggage, and were off. Funny thing is… we did not see one senior from our flight waiting at the luggage carousel. Seriously. So, they didn’t mind paying a couple of thousand for a flight to Hawaii, but they were too cheap to pay $25.00 to check their luggage that they could not manage themselves!

We saw the 20-something at the luggage carousel and joked casually about the ordeal, saying we felt sorry for her. She was very nice, but said she would never, ever again give up her assigned seat.

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I live in Japan teaching English, but had gone to Amsterdam and Berlin for my winter holidays. On my flight from AMS to ICN, Amsterdam to Seoul, I met a kind old Korean woman sitting in the aisle seat in my row. I don’t speak Korean, and she didn’t speak English or Japanese. (Un)Fortunately, we did have one language in common – German – and neither of us had practiced since college. Her pidgin Austrian dialect and my stunted heavily accented attempts at Berliner German (un)fortunately had enough overlap that we could talk.

She was a real friendly one, and apparently a doctor. In classic old Korean woman fashion, she was aggressive and assertive as hell, constantly poking me, grabbing my arm, touching my hair and asking me every question humanly possible. I’d put my headphones on and feign sleep, but this was obviously nothing to her. She wrote down her address and demanded mine, told me her life story about how she studied abroad in Vienna 50 years ago, and all sorts of treasure which I only half-understood. Finally I got sort of annoyed and moved not-so-subtly to the front of the plane, where a dude I’d chatted to in Amsterdam was sitting, and remained there for the rest of the flight. Occasionally the flight attendant would walk by and nod sympathetically in my direction, as Old Korean woman was constantly grabbing her arm to examine her jewelry.

Fast forward a few hours, we’d landed in Seoul and we all got on the train to get to the Arrivals terminal. Old Korean woman somehow finds me and hands me a giant Milka chocolate bar. I smile and thank her profusely.

Then she drops the bomb: “Haben Sie Religion?” (“Do you have religion?”) and pulls out a Bible and a rosary necklace.

Aw hellllllll no. I thanked her again politely and started to run. She was lost in a sea of other old Korean women.

Postscript: My chocolate bar was fantastic, and she’s never tried to contact me.

- Krampus

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Just this past March I took a school trip from Detroit, USA to Frankfurt, Germany. I didn’t think it would be so bad because all the people I went with are my friends. To my dismay, however, all of our seats were in completely different sections of the plane and I had no one to talk to the entire flight.

The flight was transatlantic so it was around 7 hours long and the plane was huge. This particular plane appeared to be older so there was minimal leg room and the TVs weren’t working. I was also, unfortunately, placed in a seat that was sandwiched between two aisle seats. This made for a very, very long flight.

To make matters worse, I was seated next to an old man who thought blond women were the sexiest things he’d ever seen. I am blond. I am also 16 years old. For almost the entire flight he stared at me and attempted to make awkward conversation about blonds. Apparently they are rare in Arab nations. When I tried to take a nap, he insisted that I put my head on his lap so I could be more “comfortable.” I politely said no and used my tiny dining table as a head rest for the remainder of the flight.

By the time we landed, with the combined factors of terrible airplane food (and usually I like airplane food), boredom, lack of space, lack of conversation, and being hit on by an old Arab guy… I couldn’t wait to get off that flight.

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I was recently traveling in a large group on a late night flight from Miami to Boston. Being a savvy traveler, I had changed my seats online, separating myself from the rest of the group. After about an hour and a half of delays and annoying gate agents, all the passengers boarded the aircraft. I [...]

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My husband, three kids and I were traveling from Brussels to Chicago around Thanksgiving 2006 on emergency leave as my father was dying. In fact, they were just waiting for us to arrive before they “pulled the plug.” So, already a miserable trip. Unfortunately, our newly potty trained little one peed his pants. I had [...]

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In February I was flying from LAX to Miami on AA when they announced that we had to stop at El Paso, TX, because of engine problems. We landed safely and were told that they were going to make some repairs and that we should be on our way ASAP. However, we stopped 20 or [...]

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Scolded For Showing Skin

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I was flying on an 8 hour flight from Boston to Frankfurt to start a semester abroad in Germany. I had the window, and next to me two little old ladies sat next to me. I was feeling pretty lucky cause they didn’t smell bad, or take up my seat, and kept to themselves. It [...]

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