[Mature content]
American Airlines, LAX to JFK
Business class
March, 2010
A Sunday at noon.
It was so incredibly crowded even American’s priority security line was lagging, big-time. By the time we got on the plane everyone was getting a little bit cranky.
I always like a window seat; particularly on long flights. When I got to my seat (business class in a 3-class cabin) there was a young woman occupying it. I told her that I’d reserved the window, to which she replied “oh, I sat here so I can sit with my boyfriend.” Apparently, b/f was the guy assigned the aisle seat next to me. The flight attendants quickly ironed things out.
The other passengers who were looking on chuckled a bit when this woman had to pack-up her little campground, put her shoes back on and get into her correct seat. Of course, she hurled a few obscenities at me, but that crap happens when one’s in the presence of poorly-raised people
The cool thing that happened is that the woman’s boyfriend was then removed from his seat (the one next to me) and seated next to her, in the middle. A very young man was then seated next to me. He’d not come in with the priority boarders; the flight attendants had brought him from the coach cabin of the plane. He’d been bumped up.
It turns out that the flight attendants didn’t like this woman one bit. Apparently, she’d already tried getting bumped into an empty double-seat in the very small first class cabin – by camping out. That didn’t go well for her at all. She was instructed to go to her seat or she’d be thrown off the plane. She and boyfriend sat in the middle seats and refused to buckle up (they were all over each other as if they’d not seen each other in a year) until the plane was actually taxiing toward take-off.
When we got into the air, the flight attendants ran over to our seats and asked me and the young man for our drink orders. The young man, it turns out, was U.S. Marines and had just returned from Afghanistan, and had never flown first-class nor business class in his life. He asked me what a beer would cost, and I told him “nothing.” I then, with the aid of the flight attendant, informed him of what beverages were available, and we invited him to try things because the booze was without extra charge. When the captain announced the weather in New York, he also took the time to congratulate the young man by first name and indicate his seat number. We all applauded (except of course the young lady and her boyfriend).
The young man had a Glenlivet – and enjoyed it – at my recommendation. He was definitely enjoying everything and having a wonderful time. So self-conscious; he kept asking if there were charges levied for the nuts, appetizer, etc. and I re-assured him no, there was no charge. As the flight unfolded, we talked about his experience in the far East and what he was going to do now that his enlistment was coming to an end.
Meanwhile, the seat-changing lady was draped over her boyfriend, with a blanket covering them, and it became painfully obvious that she was stroking him. Yes, *that* way. We paid no attention but to murmur between ourselves about what was going on and admiring the courage of these two lovers.
Then, dinner was served. The lights in the cabin came up a little and the attendants started coming around asking for more drink orders and dinner orders. As our wily flight attendant passed the two lovebirds on our left, he howled “ooops!” as he lifted the blanket from the couple, who were totally oblivious to anyone but themselves. Well, we shouted “oops,” too, because Mr. Boyfriend wasn’t just “out of his pants,” he was literally out of his pants (they were around his ankles) and his boxers were down there, too.
Army kid next to me turned to the guy, and punctuated the pregnant silence with “aww, dude, can’t you wait to get a room?” Needless to say, there were a few of us whose drinks came out of our noses at that very moment. The lovebirds were quickly covered up by a shocked (but not surprised) flight attendant. The couple were prohibited alcohol for the rest of the flight.
Everything turned out alright and in fact I treated the soldier to a late-night dinner in New York. What was most precious is that during dinner he made a bold statement: “Now I know why they charge you $1800 to fly cross-country in first class. They let you f*ck in first class!” All I could say, when I recovered my composure, was “no, not really.”
- Xiao Gou
Tagged as:
alcohol,
flight attendant,
military,
seats,
sexuality
