Well, I guess it was just a matter of time before I had a story about a flight from hell I had.
I just returned from visiting my daughter in Myrtle Beach, S.C. The entire trip was perfect with the exception of a young kid seated in front of me during the Hartford to Charlotte leg of my flight on US Airways.
We departed Bradley International on time (1500) on 27 March. The weather was perfect for flying. Not a cloud in the sky, no heavy winds, no delays, perfect!! I would be in Myrtle Beach the day before my baby daughter’s 30th birthday. I boarded the flight with the rest of the coach class, ready for another cramped flight on an Airbus 319 (it was supposed to be a 737). Hey, what the hell, I thought to myself, it’s only 2 hrs. How bad can it be? That’s when the young man plunked himself into the seat in front of me, fighting with his brother over who was going to play with the Nintendo DS. Hey, what the hell, I thought to myself, it’s only a 2 hour flight. How bad can it be?
Then the flatulence started. I’m not sure which of the little darlings had a dinosaur crawl up his rear end and die the night before, but whichever one it was, he gleefully ripped one every 5 minutes for the entire flight!
Now before anyone condemns me for being too sensitive, I spent 20 years in the U.S. Navy, serving on 6 different ships and various shore commands, so I’ve experienced some pretty nasty things in my day. Never, ever had I smelled anything so vile come from a human being! This kid deserved an award for his farts!! He could have knocked a buzzard off a crap wagon at 30 paces!!
And he was punctual! Evey 5 minutes! Just as the green cloud had cleared our section and started heading for some hapless passenger seated aft of us, this farting machine would start to giggle and elbow his brother, letting him know we were in for another round of stomach turning fun courtesy of his digestive system. Perhaps it was the top quality grub served up at one of the fine dining establishments located throughout Bradley Airport, or maybe this kid had some bad enzymes in his stomach, but whatever it was, I can only say….. thank goodness I didn’t have to scrub the crust out of that kid’s BVDs after that flight. It must have required a level 1 MOPP suit!!
Oh well, I survived it only to get to my daughter’s house just in time to find out her one year old son had an upset stomach……. He was fine when I came back in the morning.
Tagged as:
flatulence,
odor,
US airways
Just have to say that this site has been an oasis to me – to reflect and perhaps even laugh about the calamities we encounter in commercial aviation.
One such nightmare was onboard Air India, or “Scare India” as my family called it then. On or around 1998 I was travelling from DXB to BKK and was quite aghast at the manners of my fellow passengers and the cabin crew alike. This was a decent aircraft; as far as I knew it was looking to be a decent albeit long 7 hour flight.
Truly speaking it turned out to be a real third world experience. I’m talking runaway food carts, people eating food with their hands. To make matters worse, one of the toilets had a very foul smell of vomit. Whilst in the facilities I decided to apply some of the cheap alcohol smelling aftershave to avoid reeking of stale vomit after being in the cubicle.
To my horror when I returned to my seat I realized I had squirted on women’s perfume!
The rest of the flight went fairly well and to my relief the ground service in Thailand was very efficient.
Happy Travels!
Tagged as:
air india,
odor
Story #1
Several years ago, back in my single days, my friends and I went on a trip to Thailand. Our flight out of Minneapolis was cancelled, and we were put on a connecting flight to Seattle, then Tokyo, then on to Bangkok. The flight from Tokyo to Bangkok was the one that made me want to stab myself. It was completely full, and after already flying in middle seats on the previous 2 flights (with no sleep), I was again seated in a middle seat in the middle section between two Australian men who didn’t know the meaning of showering or deodorants. They both had the most filthy clothes on you can possibly imagine, and neither had probably bathed in months. They also talked over me for the entire flight. This meant they had to lean toward each other, which also meant leaning over me. I offered to trade seats with one of them, and they advised me that they had been working together so long, they really didn’t want to sit next to each other. Funny, since they still seemed to want to talk. The smell made me gag, and I could barely breath. Finally, I got up to use the restroom, and told the flight attendant that I couldn’t take the odor any longer. She was so nice and offered me a non-reclining seat in the last row of the plane… I went and got my carry-on, and left these two for an uncomfortable but odor free row.
Story #2
This happened at the Kuala Lumpur airport Sept. 2008. I was leaving for the long flight to San Francisco with a 5 hour layover in Hong Kong. After clearing Immigration, I proceeded through security. Behind me was a man who had THE worst B.O. I have ever encountered!! You could literally smell him 10 ft. away! The whole time that I was sending my carry-on and laptop though the x-ray machine, it was all I could do not to throw up it was that bad! I remember uttering prayers in my head that I would be spared having to be on the same flight as him, or, worst case scenario, sitting next to him! Fortunately, after clearing security, he headed off in a different direction. I remember thinking that I pity the poor person who had to endure his stench on the plane. Never before has B.O. made me go into full-body dry heaves. Hopefully it is the last time too.
Tagged as:
airport,
delay & cancellation,
flight attendant,
odor,
seats,
security
My flight originated in Phoenix, destination Dallas. I had the window seat and was already in place when he walked up and placed his bag in the overhead bin. As soon as he raised his arms I knew this would not be a pleasant flight. I made a quick “self check” just to validate that the stench didn’t emanate from me and quickly reached up and turned the air vent on full to help deflect the odor. Trying to observe him without being obvious, I could only guess that he had jogged to Phoenix from Yuma and was happy to have arrived in time without missing his flight. I was grateful that he had the aisle seat and I had a buffer between us.
Then it got interesting. A pretty young woman appeared to claim the middle seat. I observed her reaction. She sat down, quickly became alarmed and started looking left, then right, left, then right. One of her seatmates was offensive and she seemed to be planning her escape maneuver. When she looked into my eyes I saw a look of desperation and a silent plea for help. What could she do?
Thinking quickly she lowered her seat tray and laid her head down. She stayed in this position until the steward informed her that the tray must be restored for take off. She complied and then leaned in as closely to me as possible, twisting sideways in her seat to position her back to the aisle.
At this point I felt it would be an act of kindness to introduce myself and welcome her into my personal space. As soon as the steward permitted she lowered her tray and placed the little blanket over her head to form an improvised oxygen tent. She peeked out briefly and asked (pleaded?) if she could place her complimentary drink on my tray. She remained in this position for 2 hours until the landing procedure mandated that she restore her tray into its upright position.
The bond between was strengthened during the landing. Neither of us was quick to jump up in the usual jockeying to deplane. Without it being said, we were both happy to see him disappear among the crowd of people leaving the plane. As we parted she said “I have never been that close to running out of oxygen.”
- StaggeringBear
Tagged as:
odor
