Ms. Dragon Breath & Volleys Of Scud Missiles

December 12, 2009

in Odor Stories

One memorable flight from hell started like this…

I began my journey in Atlanta and was traveling back home to Los Angeles. After hours of delays the plane took off from Atlanta and soon we were on the ground in Memphis. The first part of the flight was uneventful. The flight from Memphis to LA was a nightmare of ODOR and heat.

The aircraft was completely booked. I took my economy seat about mid plane and waited for takeoff. My pal took the window seat and I had the aisle seat. I knew the doors would be closing soon and I was happy or at least hoping that the middle seat would remain open. I glanced around and it appeared that every seat except our middle seat was taken. I silently prayed that the doors would close or at the very least, that I would not be subjected to an extremely large person taking the middle seat. Seconds before the doors closed a thin attractive young lady came in and took the middle seat. I thought that this shouldn’t be too bad, right? WRONG.

Our flight finally takes off around 11:30 PM and it is full and really hot aboard the aircraft. Minutes into the flight I am already pretty uncomfortable due to the heat. The young lady in the middle seat proceeds to fall asleep, facing me with her mouth open. I think she must have consumed kimchi and a mixture of garlic and onions, because she had the most disgusting breath and it was being blown directly on me. Oh dammmm. There is just no way I can endure this for the 4 plus hour flight.

After about a half an hour, I was almost at my breaking point. My buddy, who seems to also be asleep, starts passing gas. I won’t go into gory details, but this odor could wake the dead and it could easily disturb any living soul. I am doing a double take like one of the little rascals and just can not believe my bad luck. If I wasn’t so hot and tired, I might even laugh, but I just couldn’t. The gas was so bad that the man sitting in front of me quickly turns around and gives me the ‘death stare.’ I shrug to say that it is not me, but I am not sure he is buying that. About five minutes later, my buddy old pal fires off the second of his scud missiles. For all I know, he has a full armory of these missiles, so I am already planning my escape plan. After this second volley, I reach across Ms. Dragon Breath and hit buddy in the arm. He still pretends to be sleeping, but I notice a slight grin on his face… Dog. Actually it was much worse than anything my dog could release.

OK, by this point I am so done… stick a fork in me. I get up and walk to the back of the plane and end up standing there for the remainder of the flight. I only took my seat when we were ordered to return for landing. I did share my story with a few of the Delta FA’s and after laughing and ooohhing, they were sympathetic. The FA’s even gave me a few free beers while I stood guard at rear of the plane.

To this day, my pal still says he doesn’t know what I am talking about and claims he was sound asleep the entire flight. And for the young lady… brush, floss, rinse, gargle and bring lots of Mentos and gum… yikes.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Rob January 28, 2010 at 9:24 pm

That story had me in stiches. First you think you are lucky that a hottie is going to sit next to you and then she wrecks everything with her odorous breathe. That cracked me up!


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