Posts tagged as:

alcohol

The Cliched Flight

June 12, 2010

in Passenger Stories

The last flight I took was a painful cliche. I boarded to find myself next to a row on the left with a Indian looking mom/daughter who had no qualms over chit chatting in Hindu non stop, quite loud too. It was hard to believe the other was listening as they were both talking simultaneously…

It was an Airbus A330 which apparently “boasts the quietest cabin in the sky.” That fact alone had me chuckling when in front of me (I was seated on the left aisle in a centre row) were two toddlers shrieking in a way that was genuinely painful. Feeling the beginning of a brain aneurysm, I ordered up two beers over the next hour. I briefly focused my attention on the ceiling mounted TV spewing out an Indian soap, but it was such gibberish I had to stop. All this time a young girl of perhaps 7 directly behind me was repeatedly saying “mama, mama, mama,” trying to get her mom’s attention. I felt for the girl as “mama” was an inconsiderate bitch. Not once did she answer her daughter, which would have been the decent and intelligent thing to do. This went on intermittently for over three hours!

During this time I had ripped open a sealed bag with 70 cl of Scotch whiskey and ordered a plastic cup of ice. We began to descend after 6+ hours. There was only a handful of white folk on the plane and next to me was a Canadian chap who took the opportunity to tell me his life story while I finished the bottle and offered him another shot when I realized it was likely the booze which got him chin-wagging in the first place.

We were delayed landing, circling near the coast, by something unknown. The intercom announcement came on in Arabic and all I heard was “Saddatie wa seddatie” or “Ladies and gentlemen.” Hitting an admittedly rough patch of turbulence, the chit-chatting mom/daughter to my left began to say a rapid fired prayer which honestly made me boil with anger. Here we were on a teeth-grinding routine flight and these women have the nerve to start asking god for help! People might see this as a reason to start worrying, and I found it very inappropriate.

I ripped open a beer I’d kept under my seat which began to foam over the floor and for a moment I considered throwing it over the noisy duo.

The cliche continued well into arrival with a long wait to disembark the packed aircraft. As we began to move up the plane, Indians from the rear began to push and shove their way forward and I had to physically stop a man from literally pushing past me. By this time I was so drunk I could hardly see the stairs they had wheeled up to the plane as we were like a MILE from the damn terminal! Air Arabia. Never again.

Tagged as: air arabia, alcohol, children & babies

{ 13 comments }

Vino Is Verboten

June 10, 2010

in Airport Stories

Whatever you do, do NOT take a bottle of wine from the fridge at the Air New Zealand Business/First lounge at Auckland International Airport! Even if you ask a waitress if it is OK (and she says No Problem), you will be confronted by the Manager who will ask if you are travelling alone. And if you are (Heaven forbid), you will be told that you are NOT allowed to actually take the bottle to your seat as you “might become intoxicated”!

Imagine this - you pay thousands of dollars for your ticket and you are treated NOT as a drunk, but as a POSSIBLE drunk because you drink wine rather than beer and spirits. So they take the bottle away and you have to walk and walk and walk back to the fridge to get a refill every time your flute glass is finished (what’s that, 4 tablespoons?). I envy the people who fly Emirates or Qantas, I bet they are not told to drink only one glass in case they get drunk.

Think about this - what if you went to a restaurant alone and ordered a bottle of wine and they poured you a glass and then took the bottle away in case you became drunk, and you had to ask every time you wanted a top up. What a joke Air NZ can be, it takes itself so seriously…

Tagged as: air new zealand, airport, alcohol

{ 3 comments }

Perv With No Boundaries

June 6, 2010

in Passenger Stories

[Mature content]

I’m from Miami but lived and worked in London for a bit. I was a savvy traveler back in the day before 9/11 and would always book my transatlantic flight for business in the States to/from Miami so I could spend some down time for play in my hometown before returning back to work. I would then do circle trips around the USA for business. This worked out great because Miami was a major hub for Pan Am and Eastern, there were great connections, and I could rack up miles for personal trips later.

Around 1990, I took one of these numerous trips. I had elite status on Pan Am, but they were going down the tubes and selling their domestic and Pacific routes off. I flew Pan Am for my transatlantic flight, but lucked into flight passes being offered by American for my domestic flights.

My first business meeting was in LA, so I booked a Pan Am flight to Miami with an hour to connect to an AA flight to LA (those were the days!). When I arrived at my departure gate for my LA flight, the inbound plane had not arrived yet and was delayed. AA had just taken over the Eastern Airlines terminal in Miami and had added new bars, restaurants, etc. So I decided to have a drink at the new bar under the Eddie Rickenbacker airplane hanging from above.

The bar had just opened about a week before, but there were only a couple of us sitting there. There was a couple from CA who were coming back from the Caribbean. Then there was this college student who was going out to LA as an entering freshman for some art school and to be a model. He was obviously gay to me, but interesting in his excitement of starting his new life. After a 9 hour flight, I just wanted to get on the flight and crash.

The flight ended up being delayed 5 hours! (AA did bring us food during the wait after families from connecting flights were freaking.) This meant I’d been up for at least 24 hours and had now been drinking beers for several hours (plus the champagne I had on my PA flight). I had some casual conversations with the bar tender, the couple and the art student, but all mainly to pass the time as I waited and hoped to depart soon.

When we finally boarded for the 5 hour flight, I grabbed some (free!) pillows and a blanket and sat in my aisle seat. I was surprised to see that the art student had the window seat next to me. The flight was packed with returning cruise ship families (and screaming children) and the seat between us wound up empty after a family member was able to sit with her original party. The art student insisted he show me his modeling book (as if I was interested in male modeling shots).

After they fed us and turned down the lights for the movie, I was out. I remember waking up to use the restroom and it was very quiet on the flight as everyone else was spent from the delay. The movie was still playing. I went back to my seat and fell fast asleep again and wrapped up in my blanket.

Suddenly I awoke with some strange hand stroking my genitals and someone under my blanket! The art student had unfastened my belt and trousers, pulled them to my knees and had his hand IN my pants, while sitting between my legs under the blanket. My underwear was certainly going next! What a panic!

Um, isn’t any other surrounding passenger seeing this? (Nope. All asleep.) Do I call for help from the flight attendant? (And be on record for this incident?) Do I injure him and draw attention to this scene and the incident report interviews/paperwork to follow? Would I be blamed for enticement, etc.? (God knows what this nut job was going to say!)

Even as a savvy frequent flier, this was NOT my idea or fantasy of joining the Mile High Club! This was a TRULY disturbing violation from a perv with no boundaries!

I squeezed on his head with my knees under the blanket, and applied more pressure letting him understand I meant NO! He understood and got up from under the blanket and sat quietly in his seat. I managed to pull up my trousers, get adjusted and collect my wits. I then left my seat and found a new one down the aisle.

Who would think that on a transcontinental flight that someone 10 years your junior of the SAME sex would decide to seduce you without your permission? I’ve heard a few stories from crew of this happening to women, but never guys. This was NOT erotic for me at all — it was a nightmare.

So how’d I get so “lucky” to be one of the few? I guess today, you’d be shot by a US Air Marshall if you were caught acting out like this on a plane.

Out of ALL my flights of unruly, drunk, rude or vomiting passengers, food poisoning (on a long-haul flight), escaped smuggled pets in cabin, screaming or unruly kids, horrible or culturally frightening (fish heads and rice) or no meals, etc. — this one sticks out as the MOST disturbing flight from HELL in my mind. I’ve even been on a flight where an elderly gentleman expired, hoping to make it home in time to say goodbye. (Remember, I’m from Florida?)

Ah, the glamour of air travel…

- C.D. – DAB

Tagged as: alcohol, american airlines, delay & cancellation, pan american airline, sexuality

{ 24 comments }

Passenger Is Caught With His Pants Down

May 23, 2010

in Couples Stories

[Mature content]

American Airlines, LAX to JFK
Business class
March, 2010
A Sunday at noon.

It was so incredibly crowded even American’s priority security line was lagging, big-time. By the time we got on the plane everyone was getting a little bit cranky.

I always like a window seat; particularly on long flights. When I got to my seat (business class in a 3-class cabin) there was a young woman occupying it. I told her that I’d reserved the window, to which she replied “oh, I sat here so I can sit with my boyfriend.” Apparently, b/f was the guy assigned the aisle seat next to me. The flight attendants quickly ironed things out.

The other passengers who were looking on chuckled a bit when this woman had to pack-up her little campground, put her shoes back on and get into her correct seat. Of course, she hurled a few obscenities at me, but that crap happens when one’s in the presence of poorly-raised people

The cool thing that happened is that the woman’s boyfriend was then removed from his seat (the one next to me) and seated next to her, in the middle. A very young man was then seated next to me. He’d not come in with the priority boarders; the flight attendants had brought him from the coach cabin of the plane. He’d been bumped up.

It turns out that the flight attendants didn’t like this woman one bit. Apparently, she’d already tried getting bumped into an empty double-seat in the very small first class cabin – by camping out. That didn’t go well for her at all. She was instructed to go to her seat or she’d be thrown off the plane. She and boyfriend sat in the middle seats and refused to buckle up (they were all over each other as if they’d not seen each other in a year) until the plane was actually taxiing toward take-off.

When we got into the air, the flight attendants ran over to our seats and asked me and the young man for our drink orders. The young man, it turns out, was U.S. Marines and had just returned from Afghanistan, and had never flown first-class nor business class in his life. He asked me what a beer would cost, and I told him “nothing.” I then, with the aid of the flight attendant, informed him of what beverages were available, and we invited him to try things because the booze was without extra charge. When the captain announced the weather in New York, he also took the time to congratulate the young man by first name and indicate his seat number. We all applauded (except of course the young lady and her boyfriend).

The young man had a Glenlivet – and enjoyed it – at my recommendation. He was definitely enjoying everything and having a wonderful time. So self-conscious; he kept asking if there were charges levied for the nuts, appetizer, etc. and I re-assured him no, there was no charge. As the flight unfolded, we talked about his experience in the far East and what he was going to do now that his enlistment was coming to an end.

Meanwhile, the seat-changing lady was draped over her boyfriend, with a blanket covering them, and it became painfully obvious that she was stroking him. Yes, *that* way. We paid no attention but to murmur between ourselves about what was going on and admiring the courage of these two lovers.

Then, dinner was served. The lights in the cabin came up a little and the attendants started coming around asking for more drink orders and dinner orders. As our wily flight attendant passed the two lovebirds on our left, he howled “ooops!” as he lifted the blanket from the couple, who were totally oblivious to anyone but themselves. Well, we shouted “oops,” too, because Mr. Boyfriend wasn’t just “out of his pants,” he was literally out of his pants (they were around his ankles) and his boxers were down there, too.

Army kid next to me turned to the guy, and punctuated the pregnant silence with “aww, dude, can’t you wait to get a room?” Needless to say, there were a few of us whose drinks came out of our noses at that very moment. The lovebirds were quickly covered up by a shocked (but not surprised) flight attendant. The couple were prohibited alcohol for the rest of the flight.

Everything turned out alright and in fact I treated the soldier to a late-night dinner in New York. What was most precious is that during dinner he made a bold statement: “Now I know why they charge you $1800 to fly cross-country in first class. They let you f*ck in first class!” All I could say, when I recovered my composure, was “no, not really.”

- Xiao Gou

Tagged as: alcohol, flight attendant, military, seats, sexuality

{ 3 comments }

“Friendly Guy” Pesters Passenger

May 11, 2010 Passenger Stories

I was flying from Atlanta to Honolulu in 2005. This was the 4th or 5th trip from the east coast to the Hawaiian Islands that year, so I was not particularly looking forward to the flight. We were delayed an hour at the gate for no particular reason. So when we were seated I was [...]

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Boisterous Football Fans Affect Flights

May 5, 2010 Passenger Stories

I was traveling with two of my buddies from JFK to Buffalo for our annual Bills/Jets game on a Saturday night. Being the young males that we are we waited for our flight in one of the terminal sports bars, drinking and watching college football.
As we sat there we befriended two guys drinking next to [...]

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How To Guarantee A Great Flight

April 27, 2010 Flying Hell Commentary

Okay, you can’t, and that’s my point. I have learned, over the years, a simple, basic fact that really helps me to have a decent flying experience no matter what actually happens on the flight. And that fact is: Flying sucks. The seats suck. The other people are likely to suck. The food, if it [...]

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Big Surprise In Little Lavatory

April 12, 2010 Airplane Stories

A colleague and I had to visit a company that was holding an open day in Stuttgart. They had laid on a plane for all potential customers. We got to the charter base and saw three Learjets parked outside – “sweet” we all thought. After about an hour we heard a sound like a ride-on [...]

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Mrs. Hocker

April 9, 2010 Passenger Stories

In one of my trans-Atlantic voyages to Europe, I had the joy of sitting next to an expert in languages. I don’t remember the layout of the plane, but I normally take a window seat so I can sleep against the window so I am not completely zonked when I land in Amsterdam. I get [...]

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Typical College Boys

March 30, 2010 Passenger Stories

I was on an overnight flight from Newark, USA to Copenhagen, Denmark. The flight left around 5 PM US time, and was expected to land around 7 AM Danish time. We flew SAS, and were served dinner and complimentary cocktails. Well, the 2 young gentlemen somewhere behind me took quite an advantage of the cocktails, [...]

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