Wifey Punched By Elderly “Sleepwalker”

October 3, 2007

in Senior Stories

Wifey and I were on a trip to the Philippines and taking our toddlers, one of 10 months, the older just under 2. Due to airline regs, we could not sit next to each other, and I ended up in the row behind wifey.

We were flying on Philippine Air Lines, (PAL) which a Filipino will tell you, stands for Plane Always Late. We had a fuel stop in Hawaii that was only supposed to be an hour, but turned into two, because they decided to remove a drunk.

Wifey and I were exhausted from constantly attending to our kids, and lack of sleep, and were anxiously anticipating takeoff on this final leg. I was holding our sleeping 10 month old, when I saw a sudden movement in front of me next to wifey that caught my eye. The passenger next to her, a somewhat elderly man who seemingly startled awake, turned towards wifey and with a maniacal expression on his face put his left hand behind her head and punched her in the mouth with his fist!

I jumped up with my sleeping baby in my arms and shouted, “What the fudge do you think you’re doing!?” Only I didn’t say fudge! I got some whispered reply, then yelled, “Keep your fudging hands off my wife!”

At this point my focus changed and I noticed we were surrounded by staring passengers. A couple of flight attendants came running and gave wifey some ice for her bloody lip. I wanted us moved, but they moved the puncher instead to the drunks empty seat.

I was the only one who saw what happened. The puncher claimed he had been “sleepwalking” and given he was a small, harmless old man, I had to believe him. He apologized repeatedly. But, as I had been the only witness, without wifey’s bloody lip, we probably would not have been believed. If I had not been sitting behind him, out of reach and holding our sleeping baby, I probably would have physically attacked him as I was in a rage. And we would have been kicked off the plane instead and still be in Hawaii.

And you know, my baby never woke up!

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Anon October 27, 2008 at 3:19 pm

While your story is amusing (this happened to me also but not nearly as bad), you would be the one with the bloody lip if you kept referring to me as "wifey."


Lauren March 26, 2013 at 3:26 pm

Hahahahahahaha! I was thinking this the whole time. Wifey?!! What are you from Next?!


Anonymous October 29, 2008 at 9:07 am

Your poor baby never woke up?!?!

I am so sorry for your loss.


nn November 17, 2008 at 6:02 am

Wifey?? Really?? Wow.


jag April 2, 2009 at 12:57 pm

did you ever think wifey deserved to be bitch-slapped. maybe your asso wife insulted the older man.


jag April 2, 2009 at 1:06 pm

oh, and wifey. with a pet name like that, you deserve a good slap in the mouth along with 'FUDGE'pack hubby.


Big D April 2, 2009 at 1:06 pm

I think your wifey got snapper punched while you were sleeping.


Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 1:07 pm

I am not so amazed at the story as the constant use of the word "wifey". This guy should be punched.


Amanda April 2, 2009 at 2:40 pm

oh my god, stop saying wifey. It's not cute. It's annoying. And just plain stupid.


Isabel April 2, 2009 at 3:01 pm

my uncle calls my aunt wifey, she likes it, this guys wife probably doesn't mind either


Isabel April 2, 2009 at 3:02 pm

PS. great story


jag April 2, 2009 at 4:11 pm

hey isabel, you basically just refered to your aunt as a brainless moron for accepting the moniker WIFEY. how pathetic!!


Joe April 2, 2009 at 7:41 pm

Hey wifey, come make me my breakfast, and keep your mouth shut.


Collin April 2, 2009 at 7:42 pm

You baby is so good!!


April April 2, 2009 at 8:48 pm

Wow, how horrible for everyone involved.

That being said, Jeebus people, who really gives a flying fark what pet name he uses? Is it really that serious? If his wife doesn't care, neither should any of you complete strangers. It amazes me how many people use the anonymity of the Internet to post such asshole comments for no reason.


Debi April 3, 2009 at 2:53 am

I would be sleepwalking a large hot coffee in the old farts lap. If he knows he sleephits he should bring his own velcro restraints to tie his arms in flight. My dad was a korean war vet and had some issues after being shot down. If you ever had to wake him up we all knew to do it from a distance because he woke up ready for hand to hand. Not pretty and I would not want to be sitting next to him sleeping on a plane.


prometheus April 3, 2009 at 9:06 am

Thank you, April. Cicero himself couldn't have put it better.


last boyscout April 3, 2009 at 10:05 am

I find the comments funny and amusing. It appears your reading them too. I'm glad not all the comments are as boring as yours April "Oh how horrible for all involved". I thought the incident was hilarious!!


Anonymous April 3, 2009 at 2:44 pm

I am called "wifey" by my "hubby" and I don't give a care in the world about it. o.O On that note, y'all shouldn't either. I mean, he's not calling her bitch, ho, slut, and other abusive names.


last boyscout April 3, 2009 at 3:50 pm

It would have been a more interesting story if he did refer to her as bitch, ho, slut. And the old guy would have been justified in whacking the HO!!


nunya April 3, 2009 at 6:25 pm

Man..I couldnt even read this mess. "Wifey"? Come on


TB April 5, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Are you the only one allowed to punch wifey in the mouth? Maybe Grandpa didn't like how she was using her mouth in his lap. That bitch.


Sharon April 8, 2009 at 5:19 pm

I've been flying for many years and have never heard of any airline regulations that would prevent you from sitting together.

Also, a 10-month old is an infant, not a toddler.


Beth June 16, 2015 at 10:52 am

Can't have more than one lap child in the row. If they bought tickets for the kids, it wouldn't have been a problem. (And BTW, kids in seats no matter what the age is always safest.)


Curtis April 9, 2009 at 9:00 am

The comments keep getting hit by the stupid stick, pretty soon the comments will be taken away.


Anonymous May 21, 2009 at 7:13 pm

The reason you are not allowed to sit together has to do with the oxygen masks. There is one extra per row. Two seats = three masks = not allowed. Three seats = four masks = 1 old man + 2 parents + 2 babies = not allowed.


Chocolate Easter Bunny from Hell

as per my husband (sweet, but fiery)


Atari May 30, 2009 at 9:59 pm

While I was bemused by the word 'wifey,' I must state that I prefer it to 'babe' or 'baby' like some idiotic wannabe 'gangsta'.

Also, contrary to a particular comment, I DO find it cute, or rather, affectionate.


Tugg Speedman February 5, 2010 at 1:00 pm

At this point the comments are starting to become more entertaining than the story.


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