Middle-Aged Passengers Make Out Like Horny Teens

January 7, 2012

in Couples Stories

[Mature content]

I flew on Sept. 11, 2010; I was on my way home to the East Coast from the Upper Midwest because my mother’s cancer had become terminal. I was needed to help with her care, and I obviously just wanted to be there. So to say I was emotional was an understatement.

While this was just before AIT and the enhanced pat-downs, TSA was still pretty aggressive that morning, especially as I came through as the airport announced a minute of silence to commemorate one of the planes striking one of the Towers. I felt lucky to have a seat, but I was crammed in the back row against a window. And, of course, it took forever to get to my seat in the sun-warmed plane because everyone had to get settled in their seat – just-so – instead of getting bags up into the bins and sitting down; the wait in the aisle was interminable. Instead of being teary, the cumulative situation had riled my very bad temper – why did flying have to be such a pain in the !@#$%^&*? I did my best to hold it in, realizing I was probably over-reacting.

Finally getting to my seat, I was sweaty from standing around in the warm plane and frustrated, but I held it in check. I tried to reason that sitting in the back was probably good – I had a several hour layover for my connection so I didn’t need to get off the plane quickly, and could just look out the window and tune out for the flight. Wishful thinking.

After I’d settled in, a tired-looking German-speaking couple in their 50s sat next to me. We exchanged a few “we don’t speak the same language, but nice to sit next to you” smiles and pantomime, and took off without incident. I was actually a little grateful – I appeared to have some quiet seatmates who weren’t going to ask why I was flying today, so I wouldn’t have to answer – either with the polite untruth or the more painful truth. And maybe I could take some deep cleansing breaths to calm down so I didn’t explode at someone in rage.

Once we reached altitude and the FAs went off to do beverage service, I just settled into looking out the window and tried to calm down. But out of the corner of my eye I could sense some movement, and I could also hear some sort of wet noises.

Looking over, I discovered that the couple was going at it like horny teenagers at a drive-in. The woman’s hand was down the man’s underwear and his pants were unzipped and pushed down a bit to allow her freer access. She had taken her arms out of her wide-necked shirt, and pushed it down below her waist; his hand was moving around in her bra. The noises I had heard were a combination of noisy, wet kissing and heavy breathing through their noses – they were so lip-locked they couldn’t possibly breathe through their mouths.

Across the aisle, the people were all turned full-body to their window and/or holding books up to their faces. People standing in line for the bathroom were just slack-jawed in astonishment. Unlike other stories here, these people didn’t even try to hide what they were doing. And they were so enthusiastic, I’m not sure they would have even felt someone tapping on their shoulder to get them to stop. It was – in short – a live porn show for the back row of the plane.

As for me, under normal circumstances, I would have pointed out they were in a good position to use the bathroom to join the Mile High Club. However, that was not a normal day. So the one thought running through my head was “Do you want to be fodder for the 24 hour News Channels and Reddit because you started hitting and screaming at the F***ing German Couple? No? Good choice.”

After enduring more noises over the next 10 minutes or so (I pulled out a book, blessed my luck I had my iPod on my lap so I didn’t have to dig for it, and firmly faced the windows), they finally broke off. They tidied up their clothes and acted as if nothing had happened to the people surrounding them, and each took whole cans of soda and one of DL’s snack boxes when the FAs finally arrived. I guess they had worked up an appetite.

The only positive thing that came out of it was my mother thought it was a riot – as did the people sitting around me in the Sky Club because I had to speak up a little so she could hear me. πŸ˜‰

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Karl January 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I don't believe your story! F***ing German? Why are you hating Germans to call them the f word? Is this your IQ level? Besides that your story is just that: a phony story, why chose German? I don't thing that sawdust you have in your upper head entitles you to write this bad of a story. Signed: A proud American-German

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Karl January 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Sorry, I ment to type I "Think"

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AGirl January 7, 2012 at 11:12 pm

What Jan said below – I read that as, actual "F***ing", not an epithet.

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Fish23 February 4, 2014 at 2:29 pm

To confirm your remark, if that is what he meant, he would have had to put the gerund 'F***ing' after the word 'Couple' to be grammatically correct.

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Norbert January 16, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Karl, I thought you might find this article about another problem German couple (unless they're the same one) to be of interest: Flight diverted to Florida for unruly couple.

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Jan January 7, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I thinking maybe the OP meant the “F***ing” part literally.

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Edward January 8, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Yeah Jan I agree with you on that. But wow, there's really nothing to say to that! Some people are just totally stupid. They probably couldn't do much but I would've complained to a flight attendant.

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Tom February 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

First generation iPods weren't even released until Oct. 23, 2001. So you absolutely did not have an iPod…or likely any other digital music device. Nice try though. Makes me question the whole story, but then again…who cares anyway?

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john February 14, 2012 at 9:40 am

Tom poster stated that they flew on sept 11 2010 not 2001.

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Gerald May 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

Fail Tom, Fail.

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AnnonymOus August 5, 2012 at 8:50 am

Yeah, bu he does have a reason as the twin towers fell on sept 11 2001, and he probably misread ‘Sep. 11 2010’ as ‘Sep. 11 2001’ as they both have a one and two zeroes

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grievousangel March 25, 2013 at 9:03 pm

I am a 50 something year old woman, and I will attest that there is nothing more disgusting than middle aged people getting it on in a public place. I once broke up with a boyfriend because every single time we were out in public he wanted to mug down and was all over me like a stink on poop. He once insisted on fingering me in a movie theatre, no way, asshole. Another time at dinner, same thing! Gross! He was excited when I bought house, because he wanted to f*&# in the back yard. Older people are wrinkly, flabby & slobbery, so keep it behind closed doors!

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Natalie September 3, 2016 at 3:35 pm

This sounds absolutely disgusting and terrible! I know this was obviously written a long time ago (four years, to be exact), but nonetheless, it sounds awful and something nobody would ever want to experience!

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