Sizable Woman & Seat Kicking Gremlins

June 19, 2016

in Odds & Ends Stories

This story is going to actually be split into two parts. Yeah, both flights were Hell. The story goes like this: I was with my family. We were going to watch a friend or whoever get married in Colorado. I have had numerous experiences with flights before, and to me, this was just another day. Boy, was I wrong.

Things started to go wrong with the seats. I had to sit in the middle while my stepfather sat in the left seat next to me. The rest of my family was across in a different row. The problem didn’t occur until I took notice of who was going to sit on the right of me: a gigantic blob of a woman, somewhat wrinkly and sweating like she just ran a marathon in Hell but didn’t lose any weight.

Okay, she wasn’t THAT fat, but still uncomfortable enough to sit next to. As she squeezed in right next to me, I could smell the sweat rolling down her skin. I’ve smelled a ton of nasty odors in my life before, but this was one of the very few that actually made me want to vomit.

The fat woman buckles herself up, but complains that the seats are “so tiny.” Uh, no, lady. You’re just too big. I normally respect fat people, but Jesus Christ on crutches and toast, I pity anyone who has to sit next to you and breathe in that nauseating sweat from your body that makes the middle passenger feel crammed.

The fact that this was only the beginning made things worse. Well, mostly worse for my family rather than me, but I can only imagine their pain.

What happened was that this woman (she appeared to be Muslim because of her clothing, which made me feel a LITTLE nervous at first, but then I saw that she had a few kids with her dressed the same way) brought her kids along. I don’t know if she was their mother or a caretaker or whatever, but she had, like, seven little kids with her. Either they’re adopted or their dad was one hell of a monster in bed. They stay behind my family and the fat lady, and they began kicking the seats. For whatever reason, I didn’t feel any kicking behind my seat, but maybe that was because the fat gal’s sweat probably made me feel numb enough to not physically feel anything at all.

So the kids were kicking during the flight. My family was clearly irritated. At one point one of the kids kicked the fat lady’s seat. She turned around to face the presumed mother of the kids and told her to control her kids. Obviously, the mom didn’t listen to her.

Meanwhile, the fat woman was reading a book. She actually ended up dropping it on the floor by accident. Clearly too fat to reach for it, there was only one person who was skinny and close enough to squeeze in-between her massive thighs and return the book to her. By the way, that nice person had to get her book back TWICE. No points for guessing who that poor soul in question was.

I ended up feeling queasy. I struggled to get to the bathroom in case of an emergency, but it was locked. I waited for about three agonizing minutes for the user to come out already.

At this point I could barely even stand at all, and I had to struggle to stay on my feet. Has anyone seen that Gorillaz music video for “DARE?” Remember that brief shot of 2-D leaning over with his ass facing the air? Yeah, that was me. That was me while waiting for the occupant to just leave the bathroom already.

I felt loads of guilt when the user came out. The reason for this was because the occupant in question was an old woman, probably in her 60s or 70s, and likely unable to control her bladder or whatever else.

So I go into the bathroom, and I don’t even use the toilet once. I don’t even throw up. I eventually feel calm and relaxed as I exit the bathroom. I walk past the Muslim-looking mother with her kids waiting to presumably empty their tiny bowls as I walk back to my seat.

The flight eventually ended, and when my family departed with me, they complained about how the mom was irresponsible and that her kids were “gremlins.” They also took pity on me for having to sit next to that fat woman with a stinking sewer that she calls a body.

Depending on how you view this story, this one is either less bad or worse than the next flight. Stay tuned for the second flight.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

NASCAR_Hula June 19, 2016 at 4:39 pm

I actually was feeling bad for this passenger…until I read the part about the previous occupant who was in the lavatory while this passenger waited. Old woman in her 60s or 70s unable to control her bladder? You'd be surprised to know what some of us OLD folks can control! I'm 60 years old and I haven't peed my pants on California Screamin or the Twilight Zone's Tower of Terror rides at Disney California Adventure. I can also hold my pee during a 5 1/2 hour flight from Las Vegas to Honolulu. What can YOU do?


Weyoun7 June 20, 2016 at 5:55 am

Op sounds like a puerile little shit. I'm not one for political correctness but you went a bit overboard there, spike. It sounds like Op posted story for popularity points. He thinks he's got all the correct People Its Okay To Hate included. Fat person? Check. Islamophobia? Check. Bratty kids? Check. Pity it didn't work, since I couldn't sympathise with someone that sounds like a spoiled 17 year old princess.

Op also has never seen a typical 60 year old and thus wouldn't know that most don't suffer incontinence problems. Even at 70 unless riddled with cancer, most don't need Depends. Get a grip on reality, little one.


Mat Bann June 21, 2016 at 5:13 pm

Next time buy a J-class seat.


AP1 June 21, 2016 at 8:04 pm

Racist AND body shaming! Looks your parents did a shit job of raising their own little "gremlin."


Nunya Business January 6, 2017 at 11:30 am

Exactly! And I hope the brat can manage to find a job getting paid to assume. Old people are incontinent, the lady with 7 kids has a husband who's a monster in bed. Who's to say they were all hers? Maybe it was a class trip. Whatever. Op needs to just get over him/herself. My pity went to the other passengers. Unless of course this story was entirely made up.


CMR July 3, 2016 at 6:18 pm

OP probably really enjoyed this flight deep down because they got to play the victim and practice their stereotyping. Also got to be racist, too, so that's a plus.


Rdelrigo August 21, 2016 at 6:25 pm

Of course you should be nervous. Every person of Middle Eastern descent boarding an American plane is clearly a potential terrorist. *roll eyes* just in case anyone fails to detect my extreme sarcasm.

I feel sorry for the poor woman who was forced to sit next to YOU. Unless her body was actually in the area occupying your seat it is none of your business how thin, fat, round, or sweaty she is. I do cardio 1.5 hours everyday and when I board a cramped plane packed with people and no ac in the middle of summer I sweat like a pig as well. I hope for your sake you never have to sit next to judgmental pricks like yourself.


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