Suggestions for Improving Air Travel

April 29, 2011

in Flying Hell Commentary

Dear Flyers:

As known today, the flying public’s decency and manners has plummeted. This is this case for nearly all ages and genders. Babies who cry and scream, seniors who think they own the place by bossing younger generations around such as having them lift their suitcases and ignoring others or causing discomfort, to kids who kick seats (as well as scream), to the fat and obese flying population whose fat oozes into all the seats.

So firstly, if you are fat there is a solution: Get a diet, show some self motivation, and if you choose not to, well then other people have equal right to deny you oozing into their chair. Now as some people have actual problems (as in medical problems), then if you choose to fly it is your decision to buy an extra seat. If you cannot (e.g. plane is full), try to ensure the comfort of a fellow passenger by showering (very well) and wearing dry crisp clothes and taking your time as this will help you not sweat as much and lower the BO levels and make people at least comfortable being very close to you. Secondly, don’t eat so much on the plane as if it is going to crash and that you need to store fat until the rescue workers come. Thirdly, at least have common courtesy towards your seat neighbour; people will be much more forgiving and understanding.

Parents of annoying kids (aka brats), you are just as bad as the kid. If you are a good parent you can succeed in keeping your child quiet without the use of violence (though in some cases it’s necessary). You may help by being prepared by bringing snacks, games, or even tiring him out (if you have no idea how to tire him out, make up a punishment such as making your kid run around the house for a solid hour before the flight). If you do not then it is your responsibility and you and your kid will face angry passengers wanting to burn you on a cross.

Seniors: You are old, face it. You are not going to be able to lift a 50 kg carry-on bag, so only pack the essentials such as a phone, medicines, money, and so on (if you can’t reach then that is a different matter). Secondly, when you go to the bathroom don’t fall asleep in it; once you’re finished leave and go back to your seat. Thirdly, if you need to walk about for medical reasons do so, but if you are interfering with others then try to be more considerate.

Finally, seat kickers: Firstly it is MY seat, not yours. And “I” CHOSE how I treat my seat, not you. If you are unhappy that I am taking up too much of your space, be diplomatic and civilized (not to mention the most basic “act your age”); don’t start kicking.  Judge the situation and first try to lower your own chair back, and if the chair is broken lie back. Ask the person in front to move it up a little and explain why; if they are uncivilized call a FA. ONLY as a LAST RESORT do you kick their seat, and don’t be a wimp about it – I mean pound their seat.

P.S. All the flight attendants who think they have power over the flight, yes I admit you do but please try to remember you are here to attend to us, not to threaten to throw us off the plane because we asked for a drink. Plus we don’t ask for much, only a meal and a drink. In the event that there is a special problem with seating, just try to swap them with an empty seat (let’s be honest, you are not going to be punished, hurt, or injured and that your decision makes a big difference to the passenger), or try to imagine yourself in our position, thank you. Plus who thinks they have too much power?

Signed – Kyle

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Aaron April 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Most (not all) of these are fair pleas, but nothing that hasn't been said here 1,000,000 times before. I gave it a one start because the post lacks originality. We've all seen and said many of these things here before.


TacoDave April 29, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Not only does it lack originality as Aaron pointed out, it also makes Kyle look like an arrogant jerk.

Lean back in *MY* face and your seat will be kicked every 30 seconds. It's your seat, yes, but it's my personal space.


Karl April 29, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I gave him 5 stars because he expressed his frustrations better than most, and offered constructive advice on how to make things better.


Jennifer April 30, 2011 at 12:00 am

I like that he is non-PC, which is what I admire about Donald Trump.


david April 30, 2011 at 12:33 am

you come off as arrogant, like it seems that you would recline your seat back all the way but the person in front cant do the same

some of the stuff you said are things many will agree with but its been said soooo many times now and the new generations only care about themselves

your complaining about old people and their carry ons, just help them out, and dont complain about it, there is a greater chance of them hurting themselves than a younger person, and they may not have the resources to pay for check in if they are on pension and benefits, respect your elders……..most will ask for help and not demand it, if they give attitude then you just put it up and leave it alone and sit down

flight attendants aren't there as butlers, maids, or personal waitresses, they are there for safety as that is their core job description, and then depending on route and meal service that is when they serve meals, they are not there to hold peoples babies, entertain kids, throw your trash out, etc

everyone expects the best service at low costs, and that doesn't happen, ticket prices are cheap due to competition, deregulation, economies of scale, and various other reasons, ticket prices are much less than they were 20years ago and in the 70-90's

people want more regulation in the industry but that would mean ticket prices would go up and people would then complain again its a win/lose situation


pes May 1, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Yeah the frustrations are par for the course but you come off a little heavy handed. The big one you left out are the self important wannabe frequent flyers who carry on the equivalent of a steamer trunk and try to stuff it in the overhead, taking the space of 3-4 passengers sometimes, while sitting in YOUR aisle seat and trying to ignore you. I've been a road warrior for 25 years and its usual the self important adults that are the true pain in the rear as they should know better.


Aerial May 2, 2011 at 6:41 am

Geez, Who pi**ed in your Corn Flakes this morning?


sashathebrit May 3, 2011 at 9:43 am

Wow. You're an a**.


The Sizzler May 11, 2011 at 9:42 am

The messiah of air travel has arrived and his name ain’t Jebus, it’s Kyle.


Connie May 20, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I hope that you will be the father of three severly autistic children and that you will be forced to fly cross country or across an ocean one day. Id like to see how you shut up YOUR brats then. Or maybe a child with cancer that is in pain and cries because its scared and you have to fly to a specialist hospital. You are an extremly selfish arrogant a$$hole.


Guy June 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm

If I sat behind Kyle I would kick his seat the whole flight.


pearl July 12, 2011 at 3:00 am

Kyle's arrogance will be 'rewarded' someday.


rrr August 25, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I liked it Kyle…screw them all!


Hack August 27, 2012 at 11:58 am

1. Kids get anxious on flights. Sometimes it is not possible to calm a kid down.
2. You do not kick my seat. Or pound it.
3. Seniors are seniors. They can’t help it.
4. Kyle, I have another suggestion for air travel. Ban Kyle from all aircraft.


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