Portly Flight Attendant Bumps into Passenger

August 19, 2013

in Portly Stories

Just got back from 2 weeks in Hawaii. Here’s just a little hell, given the vacation was paradise. The return Maui (OGG) to San Francisco (SFO) “bus” as I call it left relatively on time. This is an everyday route and you get a wide variety of passengers: partying tourists, islanders off to the mainland, young families returning from vacation, etc. The flight attendants have seen it all and are pretty laid back themselves. So what’s hellish about this flight?

First, the flight attendant in the main cabin was wider than the aisle on the 757. She never stepped sideways so, being in an aisle seat, she bumped into my shoulder and arm EVERY time she passed my seat. I mean EVERY time. I object to airlines having overly stringent rules regarding FA appearance. But they should be able to fit in the aisle.

Second, Superdad is 2 rows back, traveling alone with an infant and another just a year old. What does he do? He puts on noise cancelling headphones and appears oblivious that his two little ones are crying constantly for the ENTIRE flight.

Three, the ADHD passenger across the aisle from me packs a purse, a bag, a ratty pillow, and a backpack into her space and continuously digs through things every 10 minutes or so… iPod… iPad… food… camera… earphones… food… food… iPod… food. I’m glad I wasn’t sitting in front of her as she must have banged around under and behind the seat 50 times in the 4.5 hour flight. She also liked to talk to the extra-wide FA. So every time the FA came by… bump… I had to listen to a 5 minute conversation with the FA’s body intruding into my space. Oh, and this passenger brought back Hawaiian leis. Could the FA find a place in the plane to keep them cool and fresh? “Well, let’s see dear, I could do X, I could do Y, or I could do Z. What do you think would be best?” Let’s have a 10 minute conversation about those leis. Bump, bump, bump.

During the last trash run, the FA is carrying the trash bag and a glass of water. As she gets to our row… bump… my wife leans over to drop trash into the bag. The FA flinches, says, “Hold on the bag is full,” and spills water on me. Fortunately, most of it goes on my shirt so I don’t look like I’ve wet myself as we depart to make our connection. She apologizes and runs off to get some paper towels… bump.

Anyway, it wasn’t really that bad, we made our connections, and the OGG-SFO bus will go there and back every day as usual. Just sharing some amusing observations.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Robert August 20, 2013 at 12:10 pm

You really need to indicate which airline this was …..


Aaron August 21, 2013 at 7:21 am

OP: United


john August 25, 2013 at 8:17 am

……airfare is the cheapest its ever been. This allows way more passengers of all class to travel. The airplanes you fly are nothing short of glorified busses. Why don’t you start flying in a private plane if you think you are above this?


Aaron August 26, 2013 at 4:21 pm

Ummm, I think I called it a "bus" in the second sentence of my story. And, I never said I was above anything. I think you should quit trolling, John. You don't seem to get the point of this website.


Gregg August 26, 2013 at 11:26 pm

Thanks for sharing your story Aaron! It's always good hearing from you.


mrsjamiecbaker August 28, 2013 at 6:32 am

Not to be rude to anyone who is larger than average, but I would think that airlines should stick to employing people of a certain size given the space restrictions on flights. I know that could be called discrimination, but if you physically can't fit into a space without causing problems to others, it is a legitimate issue.
I've thankfully never experienced this on a flight, but I have seen fellow servers in various restaurants who have had issues due to their size. I had my own when I was pregnant 🙂


RedHead0186 September 20, 2013 at 2:04 pm

If there are certain (logical) requirements to a job, and someone does not meet them and therefore does not get hired, that's not discrimination. For example, I wanted to be a flight attendant, but I'm just 5 feet tall and most airlines look for 5'2" and over (so they can reach bins, reach things in emergencies, etc.). There is a valid reason why flight attendants must be a certain height, and since I didn't meet that requirement, I wasn't hired. I wasn't discriminated against because I was short, I just couldn't fulfill the requirements of the job.

So, I think that perhaps putting a restriction on it (so that flight attendants can easily get through aisles in case of emergency, or whatever), isn't that out there. I wouldn't see it as discrimination.


Anthony October 7, 2013 at 11:34 am

We as a society take pains to accept and accommodate everybody but it is viewed as OK to not include fat people in this list. We are shaped by our genes and there is no long term win over our nature.

In fact the very fat people often got that way by trying to fight. Obviously everyone should eat healthy and exercise but we definitely should police. If your going to force me by law to accommodate your retarded son or your paralyzed aunt then you need to accept my fat uncle or my girlfriend with the badonkadonk.

Equal treatment under the law.


Anthony October 7, 2013 at 11:42 am

And do you realize what kind of suffering bf of women with big booties have to endure? We do it for love man. Sometimes I think we care too much. :'(


Michael L.S. December 30, 2014 at 12:59 pm

Being fat has NOTHING to do with "genes," "glandular problems," a "slow metabolism" or any of the myriad of pathetic excuses given. If you're a disgusting obese slob, it's because you (1) eat crap, (2) eat too much of that crap, and (3) you don't move your ass enough. Address comprehensively even just one of the three aforesaid, and you'll look like a normal human being in no time.


HeatherB85 October 21, 2018 at 2:28 pm

I have one of those so called “glandular” problems, due to a total thyroidectomy, over a year ago. (In which I do not take the medicine I was prescribed to prevent the side effects: namely weight gain.) The reason I do not take my meds is simple, the side effects: Uncontrollable anger issues, anxiety, racing heart rate, hot flashes (that would make a menopausal hot flashes feel like cold winter day) and uncontrollable shaking. Yes they’ve given me meds to combat these side effects, but a different pill for each one, and I’m not the type to pop a ton of pills.
With that being said I’m 5’8” and top out at 160 (on self-described a fat day). Because there are so many ways you can control your weight through diet and exercise or just by putting the damn fork down. Why is this so hard??? Stop using a simple medical condition to inconvenience others. I suggest these peopletake a long hard self at themselves in the mirror and realize the cause and solution to their problems is staring right back at them.


Howie Feltersnatch November 3, 2018 at 10:46 pm

They should have pulled over and tossed fatty out.


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