Gin Is My Co-Pilot

June 29, 2009

in Food & Drink Stories

I’m a phobic flyer, no good reason that I know of to be afraid, I just am. Anyway, my job involved flying from the UK to Germany every three weeks. I managed it by either Gin or Valium (not at the same time).

One flight I have decided that gin will be my co-pilot and I have 6 at the airport. Get on the plane feeling a little less stressed than if the gins were not swilling around inside. Plane takes off, all good – waiting for the seat belt sign to go off (always makes me feel a little better). The stewardess comes on the PA with the message about staying in your seats and they’ll be serving soon etc etc then signs off. I realize that the microphone is still on because I can hear the stewardesses talking – couldn’t understand them but could hear their voices.

So I go back into the galley and tell the stewardess we can hear her and her colleague. “Oh my God” she says “You couldn’t hear what we were saying could you?” I reassured her that we could only hear voices. “Its just that we think someone’s stuck in the cargo hold.” The blood drains from my face, my heart starts to pound – the gins just can’t hold back the adrenaline now blasting into my system. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Can you hear that knocking? Behind the bulkhead?” Yes, now that she mentioned it I COULD. Kind of a desperate, random knocking. “I wonder if you can open the door from the inside?” is just one of those thoughts that popped into my head.

The stewardess explains that her colleague has gone up front to tell the pilot to turn the plane around.

Is the plane rumbling? Oh no, its just my heart trying to get out of one of my ears.

I take a breath, gin number 6 is hanging in there and makes me think “Hey, that’s the same noise we can hear in the cabin.”

I explain this to the stewardess, she checks up front and lo and behold the microphone is on up front. The speakers are mounted in the bulkhead and the knocking is the sound of business class lunch being served. Damn them and their crockery and metal cutlery.

The stewardess now has relief running off her like steam. “Oh there was nothing to worry about” she says. “Yeah right” I think.

“I’ll have a double gin as you’re passing please”. “They’re already doubles Sir,” she replies.

“I know”

Signed, Mike

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Nacho June 19, 2009 at 4:32 am

I'm the same way with flights — not getting onto a plane without at LEAST one glass of wine in me, and you know I'll be knocking another one back while in the air.

This story was well written and made me LOL several times. Thanks for the good start to my morning.


Julicans June 20, 2009 at 4:27 am

A former co-worker was working a TransAir flt and locked one of his co-workers in the cargo bin. The guy in the bin turned the light on and off and the captain had Jeff check the cargo door to make sure it was secure-it was-and off they went. Free round trip to St Louis.


TheBigM July 3, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Locked in the cargo hold? Scary. I was really worried about what would happen if the cargo door were opened at 35k feet. Can those doors be opened from within? Surely not.


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