Mr. Poopy Pants

December 4, 2007

in Odor Stories

January — flight from Fort Lauderdale to Minneapolis/St Paul.

SO what’s the absolute worst thing that can happen on a plane? Well, it happened to me. Actually, the second worst thing happened to me. THE absolute worst thing happened to the lady who was sitting behind me, next to the antagonist.

Guy in the 2nd to the last row poops in his pants about 10 minutes into the flight — we’re talking the big D here, and I think he’d been eating seafood all week. Really really terrible. Anyway, he didn’t even try to wash it out of his pants – he just sat there in his own poo… for over three hours.

The flight attendants were actually pretty terrific — handing out bags of coffee grounds for us to hold up to our noses. I actually went into the bathroom to ESCAPE the smell of the cabin! That was the closest I ever felt to air rage – I think we all would have tossed him off the plane if we could have figured out a way to do it. What a jerk.

The flight attendants thoughtfully cracked the back door of the plane once we arrived at the gate. For a few brief moments, sweet, cold, odor-free air circulated rapidly around the cabin. Mr. Poopy Pants immediately jumps us and screams “Oooohh that’s Coooooold” and starts pushing past everyone saying, “I gotta get inside this is just too cold. Please close the door.” Given the choice of five more minutes of stench vs. poo-stained passengers, the flight attendants closed the door.

As my wife and I were leaving the gate, I saw him being whisked to his next flight by a skycap, still in his poop-soaked drawers.

I gave him the finger.

{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }

GenXer July 15, 2008 at 12:08 pm

Oh. My. God.

Reply

J September 2, 2008 at 10:39 pm

I hope they didn't let him on his next flight like that.

Reply

Dee September 27, 2008 at 3:10 am

oh. my. god. that is just sick.

Reply

Wow October 26, 2008 at 4:25 pm

I actually feel sorry for that guy. I have a bowel disease and he may too. He may have lost control which happens on very rare occasions to those of us w/ this disease. At which point, if he didn't have a change of clothes with him, what could he do? Poor guy.

Reply

Bjoern April 5, 2010 at 8:55 am

Well, I'd wear a ( pull-up-style) diaper, if I'd suffer from this condition -spares some trouble by making changes easier…

Reply

Anette November 18, 2008 at 9:34 am

He could go to the bathroom, try to remove the worst of it, and take a little shower in that nice antibacterial deodorizers. Wouldn't help completely, ofcourse, but would have made it better. And when on the ground, there is usually a shop that sells basic clothes – he should have bought some.

Reply

Cheryl November 20, 2008 at 8:16 am

And, if one has a bowel disease (and I do), there are precautions – such as taking Immodium, bringing one or more changes of clothes, wearing adult diapers…..

Reply

Mike R. December 15, 2008 at 4:02 am

Very reasonable responses by Ms.s Cheryl and Annette.

Mike R.

Reply

Howie Feltersnatch April 2, 2009 at 8:29 am

If you have some kind of problem that makes you prone to crapping yourself, the solution is to stay the hell off of public transportation.

Reply

Josie April 2, 2009 at 8:47 am

OMGoodness. I am laughing so hard I think I might pee my pants! I must say I would have given him more than the finger!

Reply

Anna Marie April 2, 2009 at 9:30 am

There are so very many precautions one can take if they have known bowel issues. To be honest I find the man to have been rather disrespectful to make so many other people suffer through such horror. He reminds me of a man who used to come into my coffee shop smelling just the same as this antagonist. Later I found out he had a diaper fetish.

Reply

Jenn April 2, 2009 at 9:52 am

If you have a bowel disease and crap yourself, you wash it out. Better to sit in wet pants than poopy ones!

Reply

Larry April 2, 2009 at 10:09 am

this story sounds like a load of crap. no pun intended

Reply

iloveflying September 7, 2015 at 1:09 am

still even if not intendedl NICE ONE ( I do that a LOT)

Reply

sick of it April 2, 2009 at 10:16 am

Please stop the victim excuses. "IF" the man does have a physical condition that caused the unloading then he does have my sympathy HOWEVER, if that is the case then "HE" is responsible for taking care of himself. He should be traveling with adult diapers and a change of pants. Stop expecting everyone else to be inconvenienced because of his problem.

The man was way out of line and it sounds like he couldn't have cared less about others.

Reply

Stephanie April 2, 2009 at 10:25 am

It sounds like he has some sort of mental disability. You would think he'd be mortified that this happened and not dare to call attention to himself because it was "cold." And, he was taken to his next flight by a skycap! Whoever put him on that flight (someone must have) should have been responsible for ensuring he was wearing a diaper.

Reply

Vomit Comet April 2, 2009 at 10:25 am

I had a similar one to this happen to me. A man got on the plane, already drunk, smelling of beer. Throughout the first 2 hours of the flight, he proceeds to buy 4-5 more beers. Then, with 2 hours to go in the flight, he vomits all down the front of his shirt. Gross enough, yeah. But then he just sits there. I flagged down an attendant, who informed me that since the flight was full, I could not move to another seat. They did escort him to the restroom, and attempt to get him cleaned up, in the full bio-gear, but the smell was still strong for the rest of the flight. What a fun trip..

Reply

eww April 2, 2009 at 10:31 am

Judging from the story that the only time the man decided to do anything was when they tried to air out the place makes it seem like it was all one very raunchy practical joke

Reply

Liz April 2, 2009 at 10:34 am

No #$%@! This totally sounds like mental illness. Normal people don't crap their pants or vomit all over the place and just sit in it. Crazy people might.

Reply

u_no_who_i_am April 2, 2009 at 10:54 am

Why didn't someone just roll down a window?

Reply

Danielle April 2, 2009 at 11:03 am

I agree that this person probably had a mental illness. Especially after the Original Poster stated that he was being "escorted" to his next flight. He probably was scared and messed on himself. But his guardian should have taking precautions even if it wasn't normal behavior for him. He must definitely was handicap. Shame on his guardian and I feel sorry for the passengers…my goodness.

Reply

Jessica April 2, 2009 at 11:04 am

I am laughing my ass off at work!

My Favorite:

"If you have a bowel disease, stay the hell away from public transportation!"

Well said!!

Reply

Onslow April 2, 2009 at 11:45 am

I understand completely since I encounter this type of situation in my workplace on a regular basis. I say, if you know you are prone to having an accident, wear adult diapers! I cannot sympathize with this person at all since I know of many people who realize they are prone to messing themselves and they take no precautions. This shows a lack of respect for those around you.

Reply

halsil April 2, 2009 at 11:51 am

Howie, you are a genius! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!!!!

Reply

Bonnie April 2, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Wow, what a funny story. glad it was you and not me. What's up with the ones making excuses for it? If you think you may crap your drawers then perhaps were a diaper on a flight, at least you can change it. Also, why not just get up and clean your pants the best you can? Gross, just gross!!

Reply

Dan April 2, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Funniest story I've heard in a while. I actually felt really bad for everyone on that plane.

Reply

me April 2, 2009 at 1:05 pm

i call bullsh!t…

Reply

Jim April 2, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Howie Feltersnatch……LOL…LMAO

Jim

Reply

GBT April 2, 2009 at 2:09 pm

I had a dog like that once. He wasn't belligerent, nor was he untrained… he was just really really stupid. I'm talking about STOOOPUUUD. No, we didn't have him put down. We just found a home for him in the open country, where he could run and poop to his heart's content. Now a friend of ours has not only a fine pet (with his own dog house), but also greener veggies and finer flowers. Perhaps our friend there could start a new industry.

Reply

Heather April 2, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I agree w/others who noted that this man seemed to mentally ill/deranged in some way/suffering from dementia, especially considering the notation that he was escorted to his next flight. That doesn't mean the other passengers' flight was less horrific, but please, let's consider this man's behavior for what it was.

Reply

Bob April 2, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Yes thats disgusting. However you state they he did not try to clean himself. How was he to do that? You have seen a airplane lavatory, haven't you?

Reply

Frank April 2, 2009 at 3:27 pm

That's disgusting. There is obviously something mentally wrong with the dude. Who could shit their pants and SIT IN IT!!??? This is the craziest story.

Reply

Mr Poopy II April 2, 2009 at 3:57 pm

On an international flight, I had a bit too much to drink before and during the flight – I was in business class and had unlimited booze. I fell asleep at some point. I awoke to the attendants spraying freshener above my head. Later I learned I had soiled myself. Very embarrassing to say the least!

Reply

Jan April 2, 2009 at 4:24 pm

I think the guy had a poop-my-pants fettish and enjoyed every minute of it!!!

Reply

Quynh April 2, 2009 at 4:58 pm

If someone can get kicked off the plane for smoking, then someone can get kicked off the plane for filling every breathable inch of the plane with terrible, terrible poop smell and then trying to put this poop on others! Sure, the plane can't catch fire, but everyone can get E. coli. Yuuuuuuck!

Reply

fjackie April 2, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Hey Stupids: Do us all a favor and stay away from air travel if you've got some kind of f'd up condition. The travelling "normal" public begs you.

Reply

Michael September 4, 2014 at 12:37 pm

While I agree that the situation can be handled better, that has to be the most bigoted, intolerant and ignorant comment I have ever read on here. Real conditions exist that affect real people, and these real people have just as much right to participate in our society as you or I do. It sounds to me like if you had your way you would have every non-"normal" person sent off to camps. Disgraceful. The guy in the story was very inconsiderate and disrespectful for not attempting to clean himself up, and if he had a physical condition his caretaker was irresponsible and neglectful. But you in your astonishingly ignorance prescribed that EVERYBODY who is not "normal" be barred from traveling on planes. For that you are wrong and ought to be embarrassed.

Reply

kevin April 3, 2009 at 2:14 am

Heres what you do: Go to the bathroom. Take off your pants and underpants. Wipe the shit off your ass. Take a T-shirt and fashion it into a pair of briefs. Leave your poopy garments in the bathroom trashcan and return to your seat. Its worked a hundred times for me!

Reply

Tampa girl April 3, 2009 at 4:06 am

Howie – LOL

Reply

huh April 3, 2009 at 5:39 am

Germans get drunk and suffer "wet farts" on occasion. Its called culture.

Reply

Jill April 3, 2009 at 5:56 am

It would have been worse if it was an international flight (like one of those from Boston to London or Los Angeles to Sydney, Australia.)

Ugh – even reading the story was a horrific experience.

Reply

Jean Ely April 3, 2009 at 8:30 am

I feel especially sorry for the passenger who had his seat on the next flight. :b

Reply

Rob April 3, 2009 at 10:40 am

nicely written bit. Comments about shitting your pants and various facilities are appreciated.

I grew up in the country, I can put up with crap. That chickenshit smell used to come down the road every day, and its worse than pig or cow. It's worse than human. What I can't put up with is a screaming baby. I feel like strangling the parents who think it's nice to travel with their new bundle of joy in a sealed aluminum tube miles above the ground.

Stay at home until it can at least talk.

Reply

Carl Willis April 3, 2009 at 11:11 am

Although I didn't believe Mr. "Feltersnatch's" story for a second, I do compliment him on a well-crafted narrative that touches upon some very real issues of hygiene in public transportation.

One particularly compelling thought this: what would have happened to "Mr. Poopy Pants's" seat after he disembarked? We can only assume that in such circumstances, a seat cushion is left saturated with diarrhea, urine, or gastric juices, and the airline is probably ill-prepared to replace their seat cushions on a layover. Whoever is unlucky enough to get the same seat on the next flight (and it could be any one of us) is going to be taking a two-hour bath in fresh, untreated human excrement. Maybe we should get in the habit of traveling in disposable Tyvek jumpsuits to insulate us from what has got to be one of the most infectious environments of the modern world.

-Carl

Reply

Anonymous April 3, 2009 at 2:58 pm

ewwww

Reply

Kimono Kijiwa April 4, 2009 at 10:49 am

Well, find a way to out his real identity – then embarrass him in front of his coworkers and friends

Reply

Hugh Jass April 5, 2009 at 3:48 am

Hmm, not pretty. However, how could he clean himself in the 3 square feet of an airplane lav?

Reply

J J April 5, 2009 at 4:08 am

Hugh Jass – you're kidding right? You actually just defended poopy pants? He needed to go to the bathroom in the first place like an adult instead of crap his pants. AND I don't care if the bathroom was 1 square foot, throw away your soiled undies and clean yourself like a human being for the sake of sanitation and others!

Reply

nicole April 6, 2009 at 5:04 am

What is wrong with you people that feel bad for him? This is why airplanes have RESTROOMS. Damn there's at least one toliet on every plane, USE IT. And if you don't make it and you make a mess at least try to clean yourself up. Effin' disgusting people.

| | Email | 04.06.09 – 10:04 am | #

Reply

TravMD April 7, 2009 at 5:47 am

Carl – seat cushions are easily changed out by the cleaning crew. They're just attached by Velcro.

Obviously this guy was mentally ill and probably needed a caregiver on the flight.

Reply

Paul April 7, 2009 at 10:02 pm

EW…now i wonder why the airlines have "darken" the color of their seats..EW…LOL

Reply

jimbob April 17, 2009 at 11:35 am

doesnt matter if he is retarded or not, he knows better than to crap himself in public. if he doesnt than he should not be allowed out of the house without a leash and a parent to change his diaper.

Reply

H E Pennypacker April 23, 2009 at 10:06 am

We should also feel sorry for the person that sat in the seat on the next flight…Im sure they cleaned it but Im sure the poo was embedded and smashed and ground into the seat cushion! EWWWWW!

Reply

Nacho April 29, 2009 at 8:58 am

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, CARL WILLIS.

::gags:: I mean, I know how easy it is to change a seat, but man. That made me almost retch.

Reply

Davey Shitepant May 4, 2009 at 4:15 pm

I may be this "Mr.Poopypants" you speak of. I find that a fresh turd in my pocket keeps the idiot next to me from telling me his whole f*****g miserable life story, in fact it keeps anyone from interacting with me at all ! On long or trans Atlantic flights I also like to be ready to vomit on a moments notice in case the traveling public needs a reminder of who is really in charge. It has worked many times and will work many more.. Happy traveling everyone!

Reply

MrClorox September 4, 2009 at 11:29 am

I only fly SouthWest–leather seats don't mask wetness from urine, vomit, or other nastiness left behind by the previous occupant.

Also, I ALWAYS have Clorox wipes with me in ziploc bags, and wipe down the seat, armrest, etc. before I sit down. Fellow passengers sometimes give me weird looks as though I'm a lunatic, but I have seen enough subhumans to know that precautions can be wise. Plus, it doesn't cost much, and the small amount of time it takes gives me some piece of mind on an otherwise unpleasant flight.

Reply

Mark December 2, 2009 at 7:28 am

MrClorox, there is no way you can disinfect the whole world. You have no idea how many "pathogens" you are constantly and harmlessly exposed to hour by hour.

Have you ever eaten in a restaurant? I know some things that would disturb you…

Reply

Joe February 1, 2010 at 8:56 am

I pity the poor soul that had to sit in that seat during the next flight..

Reply

Bob April 19, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Are you sure that the flight you were on was not an Air France flight ? I am fairly certain that most french people smell like they just shit their pants as the lack of hygeine among the french is a national past time, a matter of pride so to speak, you know like a drunk russian or a stupid indian or a german who is an asshole,some things just seem like they occur naturally. Or it could have been an Indian Air flight because their in flight meals smell just like something that came out of my ass. Just saying.

Reply

Kevin June 24, 2010 at 7:45 am

Just saying offensive things, apparently. The only stereotype you could possibly be perpetrating is the smug, stupid American. You make me ashamed to -be- an American, and I love this country.

Reply

Bob July 6, 2010 at 8:46 am

Kevie, soo soo sorry to ruin your day but I am Canadian eh. But you are right you smug, stupid American. You make me ashamed to be living next door to you and I love Canada.

Reply

Hawk July 19, 2013 at 2:13 pm

I'm Canadian too, but I would be ashamed to be your neighbour 'Bob'.
Making a nationalist statement like that was rude, and had very little to do with the initial post…
Kevin didn't do much better, but as far as I am concerned, you're the ass who started it all…

Reply

Bob November 26, 2010 at 10:32 am

What happened to Mr. Feltersnatchs' most humorous entry ? Put it back up until I get a chance to read it as I could use a good laugh right about now.

Reply

Andrea September 4, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Yuck…what a crappy flight! I agree, if this guy had a bowel condition or something he should have been prepared to deal with an "accident" by having clean clothes/wearing an incontinence brief. I wonder, though, if it was someone older with dementia or someone with severe mental illness. Normally a person would be aware that they were sitting in a mess and want to get cleaned up, to say nothing of being incredibly embarrassed!!

Reply

Private Porksword December 30, 2012 at 12:33 am

They said Poopy.

Reply

Some guy named Dave August 23, 2013 at 11:51 pm

And they meant it.

Reply

Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *




Previous post:

Next post: