Posts tagged as:

poop

Last year I took Royal Jordanian from Bangkok to Amman and back with a group of my friends. Now, I’ve taken a lot of flights that had issues, but this may genuinely have been the worst one I’ve ever taken. I was on a connecting flight from Singapore and had a 6 hour layover. Not the greatest thing in the world since Suvarnabhumi Airport is kind of tacky, but tolerable. The real problem began in the air. Only two stewardesses spoke English, and even they barely spoke it. Our plane waited for two hours on the ground with no explanation whatsoever given. The stewardesses refused to let anyone go to the bathroom.

When we got in the air, everything went wrong. My seat and the seats of literally every person within 4 rows of mine were broken. The wouldn’t go back, and they had been stripped of padding so that they were just bare canvas stretched over a metal frame. For this 9 hour flight, one movie was shown, which was literally the worst reviewed movie of the year. Admittedly that didn’t matter much, since it was only shown in Arabic with Thai subtitles!

The food was literally inedible. We had a choice between fish and beef. I ordered the beef, but could not eat it. There was literally no meet; just bone and gristle in a watery brown sauce! The fish seemed edible, but my friend and several other people I was travelling with all got food poisoning and later spent the first day in Amman vomiting continuously into their hotel toilets. A few of my friends were vegetarians and had requested a vegetarian meal in advance. However, they were denied this meal because they were told they were out of it. Since those friend’s religion forbid them from eating meat, they went hungry. One of my friends later found out why: he found the stewardesses at the back of the plane, near the lavatory, eating the vegetarian meals!

After our “meals” were served, the stewardesses were very surly about taking the trays, and kept swearing to themselves and smacking the cart. Perhaps as a way of of transferring their “suffering” to us, they arbitrarily banned anyone from putting their trays down. No explanation was given, but defiance was met with angry shouting on their part. I also tried to ask for a drink, but the stewardess told me to shut up and said, “do I look like your maid?” However, all this pales in comparison to what happened when we got over South India.

There we hit a light thunderstorm and the fasten seatbelt signs went on. They stayed on for the next 7 hours, despite there being no turbulence after the first 30 minutes. The flight attendants were extremely strict about this and literally did not let anyone up for any reason whatsoever. This, in spite of the fact that they were freely walking around the plane throughout this ordeal. After 4 hours, many people needed to use the bathroom, but the flight attendants wouldn’t let anyone. They literally screamed at people who stood up to sit down, and swore at some. One German woman across the aisle from me was particularly desperate and tried to make a break for the toilet several times. On the third try, she got desperate enough to ignore their warnings and made a break for it. Big mistake. A stewardess leaped out of her seat and grabbed her around the shoulders and waist, then dragged her back to her seat. In front of the entire cabin, she then berated this poor woman, screaming at the top of her lungs and swearing at her over and over again, calling her a “stupid fisheye” and a whore. The woman was in tears from the humiliation and having to hold her pee, but the stewardess didn’t care. In fact, when she got back to her seat, I saw her pointing at the crying woman and cackling with another stewardess.

The bathrooms continued to be unavailable. The German woman eventually peed herself (a stain was visible on her pants), which made her cry again. Several of my friends had to use the airsick backs to relieve themselves, and I’m sure other people likewise either used the airsick bags or peed themselves. There was no other option; the stewardesses remained extremely forceful in countering any bathroom break attempts. One old German man was shoved very violently back into his seat when he tried to get up. An Indian woman was thrown into her seat so violently that she actually cried out in pain. By this point a lot of children were crying. The stewardesses dealt with this by screaming at them, which only made them cry more, before berating the parents for having “filthy brats.” All the while the stewardesses kept freely walking around, as if to mock the seatbelt sign, and laughing at us when they talked to each other.

About 45 minutes before the flight was due to land, they finally allowed people to use the bathroom. There was literally a stampede as desperate people shoved each other to get there first. However, some immediately ran away from the toilet I got to. I soon found out why; the sink was filled with puke. It smelled like it had been there a while, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it had been from the previous flight. I also ran out of the bathroom and went to the other one on the side of the plane. This had crusted poop smeared on the walls. Still, that was slightly more tolerable than the puke sink, so I quickly did my business and then ran off. Some of the people were so disgusted by this that I saw them racing back to puke into the airsick bags after they used the toilets. All the while the stewardesses were open laughing at us.

The return flight was admittedly better, but check in at Amman was a nightmare. A huge line formed at the counter, and it took 2 hours to process us. When I got to the counter, the agent did not understand that I was taking a connecting flight on a different airline to Singapore, my final destination. He got increasingly angry and accused me of being “a lying Jew,” and called me an infidel several times. He threatened to have me arrested for lying to a government employee, and warned me not to try pulling any “Jew tricks” on him. I was very worried about this prospect, since the police in Jordan are known for torturing people. Eventually, I got lucky and found another ticket agent who was surly, but at least understood that my bag was to be checked through to Singapore.

Moral of the story: Never, ever fly Royal Jordanian. They’re the worst airline I’ve ever taken. If I ever need to go to Jordan, I will literally walk and swim there before I book with them. I advise anyone else to do the same unless they like being in their seat, being assaulted by stewardesses, dangerous food, antisemitism, and threats of torture.

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I recently flew from Australia to the United States to visit family for Thanksgiving. My mother has flown to Australia a couple of times in United Economy Plus, so I asked her before I flew if she thought it was worth it to upgrade. She told me, “Absolutely! You’re closer to the front of the plane, you’re traveling with more experienced fliers, and there are no crying babies.” Sign me up, right?

So I rock up to the airport and, lucky me, secure the last upgrade to Economy Plus! Hooray! (Or so I thought.)

I get on the plane for my 14 hour SYD-LAX leg and am shocked to discover that, oh hey, there’s a family with a two-year-old in the seat in front of me. So much for the no babies thing. Luckily, he’s a quiet tyke who seems content to sit and watch his DVDs (with headphones, thank goodness).

About halfway through the flight, I notice a distinctly… fecal smell in the air. It’s quite strong, but it quickly passes. I chalk it up to being a few rows ahead of the lavatories, although I’ve sat in similar seats before without smelling poo.

This smell recurs again a couple hours later. What the…?

It’s not until I’m up at the lavatories waiting for my turn and I see the father from the row ahead of me carrying a used diaper with him to the lavatory that I realize that the parents have just been changing their kiddo *at the seat* rather than getting up and taking him to the changing table in the lavatory!

I guess I could have understood if the fasten seatbelt sign was on (because hey, sometimes there are emergencies!) but that wasn’t the case…

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This actually goes back to the mid 70’s. I was on a non-stop from Miami to Lima, Peru, and unlucky enough to get a middle seat. A couple of oversize Peruvian ladies, who had just bought out half the stores in Miami, and were carrying all their booty (this was before overhead bins and hand luggage restrictions), took the aisle and window seats. They had so much stuff, they asked me to stuff some under my seat! In addition, they had each doused themselves with a gallon of cheap perfume, and spent the entire flight gabbing across me. I repeatedly asked if one of them would like to switch seats with me, but they refused.

About 4-5 hours into the flight, a naked toddler with a bad case of the squirts began wandering up and down the aisle, leaving little deposits at frequent intervals. The smell was enough to gag a maggot. The plane was in an uproar, yet neither the flight crew or the child’s parents would do anything, including cleaning up the mess.

Finally, I made it to Lima, but my baggage did not. It turned up almost a year later in Guam (go figure).

Want to guess which airline? It started with a “B” and no longer exists, with good reason. I personally never flew on them again.

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The worst flight of my life turned into the all around worst experience of my life because it didn’t end when the plane did. The background info: I was returning from a friend’s wedding in the Dominican Republic, and like everyone else on the direct flight back to Regina, I had contracted the Norwalk virus that was rampantly infecting all the resorts and vacationers in the vicinity. In case you are unfamiliar, Norwalk is code word for “can’t keep anything down as extreme gastrointestinal distress is ravaging your body.”

The flight was packed and the plane had only 2 washrooms for well over 200 people. Just boarding the plane, I could tell I was not the only one feeling like I was about to die. Saying people looked green is an understatement. Even before the plane took off people began lining up for access to the washrooms. The attendants made everyone go back to their seats so the plane could take off, and this is where the real hell began. From where I was sitting I could hear people gagging, retching, and vomiting into whatever they could get their hands on. To make matters even worse, vomiting was not the only means that people were using to deploy offensive body functions. As sick as it sounds, I know for a fact people on that plane were forced to “soil” themselves due to the combination of their severe diarrhea and the lack of washrooms available to a plane full of sick people.

The flight was roughly 4 hours, and if this was not trying enough, upon landing the plane no deboarding started even after we had been on the tarmac for over 10-15 minutes. By this time BOTH the washrooms were declared “unusable” as they were full and would start to overflow if used anymore. The plane reeked like poop and vomit and people started to question (not nicely or quietly) why we were not deboarding. It was at this point that the pilot comes on the loud speaker and announces that he has contacted Health Canada (as per protocol) and he is not authorized to let any passenger off the plane until an official comes to inspect us.

The plane arrived in Regina at 3:10 AM and said official took his sweet time in arriving as I assume he was called out of bed to come. So we are sitting for almost 3 hours on the tarmac in a stinky plane with no washroom and some very sick and smelly people. Oh I shouldn’t forget to mention that they also had no food or water to offer us as they “ran out” because they only stock enough for the flight. HELL HELL HELL

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Mother Refuses To Fasten Seat Belt On Child

March 29, 2010 Baby & Kid Stories

When I first boarded I considered myself lucky. I knew it was going to be a very long flight and I was privileged to be seated in the first row of the economy section. The seats had considerably more leg-room that the rows behind me. What I didn’t know was that the airline typically reserved [...]

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Diaper Duty

March 9, 2010 Baby & Kid Stories

I fly a lot for work and recently flew a relatively short 2 hour flight on a smaller regional jet with 50 seats. The plane was full to capacity. I knew it was going to be a bad flight by the sounds of toddlers having tantrums in the gate area and exhausted parents who could [...]

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Flight Freak Outs

February 28, 2010 Flying Hell Blog

What is it about flying that makes seemingly normal people go bonkers? There are countless news stories, including some on our site, about passengers who turn belligerent, become violent, or commit bizarre acts. Transgressions aren’t limited solely to passengers. Recently a Delta flight was canceled because two female flight attendants reportedly got into a fistfight, [...]

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Surly Senior Almost Gets Her Ass Kicked

February 12, 2010 Senior Stories

My husband, three kids and I were traveling from Brussels to Chicago around Thanksgiving 2006 on emergency leave as my father was dying. In fact, they were just waiting for us to arrive before they “pulled the plug.” So, already a miserable trip.
Unfortunately, our newly potty trained little one peed his pants. I had packed [...]

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The Bad Kid

January 27, 2010 Baby & Kid Stories

I was waiting to board a plane on a return flight from Paris when I saw a woman from Africa with two children, one of which was shaking up a bottle of soda while waiting in line. I saw what was about to happen and got out of the way. He opened the bottle and [...]

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Grace Asked For Children’s Behavior

January 23, 2010 Baby & Kid Stories

About two years ago, a family with three little ones were traveling from Chicago to Dallas, about a four hour jaunt. As the plane gets ready for takeoff, the dad starts freaking out. Apparently, the baby’s diaper was gone (the dad was sitting across the aisle from the mom and other two children) and she had [...]

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