Stinky Eggs Spoil The Flight

September 9, 2009

in Food & Drink Stories

Back in early 2005 I was flying JetBlue direct from Long Beach, CA to Boston, MA which is about a 5 or 6 hour flight. I was seated in the window seat which was fine because I planned to snooze for as much of the flight as I could. Everything was fine until about 20 minutes into the flight I got hit with a rancid stench. At first I thought someone must have had an accident in their pants and then I realized the woman sitting next to me in the middle seat had a zip lock bag with hard boiled eggs in it and she was going to town on them. I couldn’t believe my eyes and I remember thinking that you would have to be a total moron not to realize that eating hard boiled eggs on a plane is going to make the entire plane smell like a huge fart.

After giving the woman a look of total disgust I covered my nose with my suit coat and snuggled into the wall as much as I could. When I did uncover my face the rotten egg odor was like a punch in the face.

After she was done her foul meal the smelled cleared up and I was finally able to fall asleep but not for long. A few hours later I woke up and I could smell the stinky eggs again! She was back at it smelling up the plane with her eggs all over again.

There should be a rule about bringing hard boiled eggs or any smelly food items onto planes…

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

saw September 10, 2009 at 3:53 am

Yeah… there should. But to be honest, I'd rather a rule first about smelly people – a much bigger problem IMHO…

Truth is – the smell of hard boiled eggs doesn't bother me at all – but everyone's nose is different, and different smells can be more offensive to different people. I'm often bugged when I haven't had time to stop for food in 10 hours as I rush from flight to flight and someone next to me opens up a Big Mac and fries before the cabin door even closes…

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Sharon September 14, 2009 at 12:24 pm

You can't fix stupid!

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saw September 14, 2009 at 1:07 pm

Sharon… Yeah… but what's your point? Who are you saying can't be fixed and why are you considering them stupid?

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Howie Feltersnatch July 17, 2010 at 5:37 pm

You.

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Demotage September 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm

You know what I like to do? I like to buy 2 Quarter Pounders with Cheeze at the terminal Micky-D's. Once I'm on the plane, I take one of the burgers out of the bag and set it aside. The other burger I tear up into little pieces inside the bag, and then close the top of the bag, putting the whole thing under the seat in front of me. Then with the first burger, I eat half of it because, you know, I'm hungry. Then I peel apart the other half. I eat the remaining half bun because, well, I'm still a little hungry. I keep the greasy patty to slap on the forehead of the guy sitting in front of me if he puts his seat back. The lower bun, I tear again into tiny pieces and throw them over the seat back to distract the brat behind me who is kicking my seat. While he is crawling around the floor picking up the bread crumbs, he won't be bothering me! Also, his parents won't notice because if they were paying attention, he wouldn't have been kicking my seat!

OK, now the other burger, the one I tore up into little pieces in the bag. I tore it up in order to increase the odor-producing surface area. The sealed bag has been acting as an odor concentrating chamber.

Now the cheeze, ahhhhh, the cheeze. Carefully tear two long strips of the cheeze-food from the burger. Tear the strips about 1/4 inch wide and as long as you can make them. Set them aside. The remaining cheeze should be divided into four equal segments and each segment rolled into a ball. Take the odor-bag out from under your seat. Turn on the air vent over your seat full blast and then, using the 4 cheeze balls as glue, paste the opening of the bag over the air vent, being careful of course, to leave enough of a gap around the edge of the bag for the air to escape. The purpose of this, of course, is to disperse that characteristic McDonald's odor throughout the entire cabin – to annoy the maximum number of people.

Now, finally, the two remaining narrow strips of cheeze you previously prepared: hang one cheeze-food strip out of each nostril. This will make your row mates think you are crazy and then they won't talk to you. It is important to use both cheeze strips – one in each nostril. If you just do one, your row mates might mistakenly think you did it by accident. With two, there will be no doubt in their minds that you are not to be trifled with. Also, the cheeze, if correctly positioned will serve as nose-plugs, and you won't be able to smell the McDonalds smell with which some ass has permeated the cabin.

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Wet Willie July 17, 2010 at 5:40 pm

Excellent.

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saw September 16, 2009 at 3:31 am

Hmmm…. I'm afraid to ask how Demo eats a Reese's… or an Oreo…

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Jodi September 24, 2009 at 11:36 am

Okay I understand it bothered you. Sorry about that, wasn’t me. The idea of eating cold hard boiled eggs has never appealed to me. Anyway, I’m sure they could’ve come up with a food that would not have been as obnoxious. As for Demotage, nobody asked. lol

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