Passenger Prohibited From Peeing

July 7, 2010

in Attendant & Pilot Stories

I was on a flight from London Heathrow to JFK in cattle class seats with the surliest bunch of flight attendants it has been my dspleasure to experience. I travel frequently in many parts of the globe, know what a difficult job they can have, and do my best to be a good passenger for them, but this crew had chips on both shoulders.

Nearing the final third of the flight, I needed to use the restroom and got up out of my seat to use the only ones available near the over wing position, when the food trolleys came out. This is usually no problem, I just tell the crew whether or not I want food and that I’ll be right back. Not this time.

“Sir, you’ll have to go sit down, we’re serving food.”

“Sorry? I need the restroom, what does that have to do with anything?”

“We can’t let you by, you’ll have to sit down until we’re done. We’ll only take a few minutes.”

Dark murmurs, but I return to my seat and await the passage of the Holy Food Trolley… which is moving slower than continents drift. Ten minutes pass, 15, 20… and they’re still ten rows away. Both aisles blocked by the slowest food service ever. Now bursting to relieve myself, I get out of my seat, explain my situation as politely as possible and ask to get by.

“I can’t let you do that, we’re serving food!”

“If you don’t let me by, you’ll be mopping up urine!”

“Go sit down please sir.”

“Right, go get the chief flight attendant now – I want a word!”

“I can’t do that, I’m serving food, and he’s on his break in first class.”

“Lady, if you don’t shift your backside out of my way, I’m going to take one of your cups and fill it right here in the aisle. I’m desperate.”

I noticed at this point a woman having the same argument as me with the flight attendant in the starboard aisle, getting even more upset. At this point, even the other passengers are telling these two idiots how unfair they’re being to us.

“Sir, if you don’t sit down, I’m going to get the pilot.”

“Good, do it! At least then you’ll be out of my way and I can go to the restroom!” Big mistake. “I’ll get him – once I’m done serving food!”

Oh sweet Jesus, what is wrong with this woman? There’s no way to get past the trolley and I’m going to wet myself right in front of her any second.

Passengers to the rescue! The people sitting in the aisle seats next to the food trolley, sensing my rising panic, both recline their seats, then stand up and move sideways, allowing me to stand on the armrests and walk around the trolley. This infuriates the flight attendant, who raises her voice and tries to restrain me from doing so for some demented reason, grabbing me by the arm, which I pull from her grasp and bolt towards the restroom, already unzipping as I go, while my fellow passengers are actually applauding!

After the utter bliss of relieving myself, I return to find the trolley still in my way, only in reverse – she STILL hadn’t got back as far as my seat. I stood behind her until she got as far as my seat (about another five minutes – glaciers melt more quickly) and finally sat down again. And guess what happened next? She refused to serve me my tasteless in-flight meal, as I had been “uncooperative” and service was at “her discretion.”

“And complaining and being polite to you is at MY discretion, lady. I suggest you get back here and serve me my food before what’s left of my discretion disappears and you get the one thing you don’t want – my full and undivided attention, both during this flight and afterwards.”

Food served with a grimace and all the grace and charm of a rattlesnake with an infected fang followed, and the rest of the flight passed mercifully quickly. On my way off the aircraft, the lead flight attendant asked “How was your flight?” I replied that, while perhaps not her fault for working with colleagues that had the common sense given to doorknobs, she really needed to get a grip and refresh their interpersonal skills.

The long detailed letter I wrote to American Airlines extracted no more than a form apology letter with no concessions at all, the sort they send out whatever the complaint they receive. I have thus voted with my wallet and gone out of my way to avoid flying with AA ever again.

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

Tom July 7, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Really? There wasn't a lav in the other direction? Or, you couldn't go the other direction, make your way over to the other aisle, (I'm assuming an Atlantic crossing flight is a wide body aircraft), and then get to the lav? Not to mention that I think it is very rude to interrupt the FA's while they are serving with the carts. I also think on such a long flight you could plan your potty breaks a little better. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this whole story sounds like a big stinky load of crap to me.


ps July 7, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Tom- US airlines frequently do single aisle planes to the UK these days but the rest does sound over the top. Then again, you never know these days in the wild blue yonder… could be true..


rerere July 11, 2010 at 11:15 am

Er, Nope, American Airlines on that route uses the Boeing 777, a double-aisle wide-body aircraft.


Eric July 18, 2010 at 5:56 am

OP did say the other isle was also blocked with a food cart.


Ger July 7, 2010 at 3:30 pm

I would like to see somebody trying to tell me that I cant pee . You can be polite ….. explain that you cant wait .

After that ….. I suggest doing what you gotta do .

If you pee your pants , your wrong !

If you pee the seat , your wrong !

Whats the next suggestion ….. just do it


paul July 7, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Tom has a point…..could you not go the other way?


MM July 8, 2010 at 1:38 am

I try not to, but when you gotta go you gotta go…and the FAs have always let me get by them when I've had to go during meal/drink service.


Josh July 8, 2010 at 3:38 am

How do people recount specifics of conversations for these things?


Bored Secretary July 8, 2010 at 4:16 am

If something infuriates you vehemently enough, then, as a result, you will very likely remember every minuscule detail.


marianne jehander July 8, 2010 at 5:50 am

I go before meals are being served. If not sure when< I ask beforehand when they serve or sell stuff. I think he was very lucky not to get put in chains climbing on seats etc and arrested upon arrival. If there is a real problem wear a diaper when flying..a lot of people do these days


Tom July 8, 2010 at 10:13 am

People actually wear diapers when they fly? REALLY? Are the lavs that bad? Do these diaper people change them during layovers? Do they just use them for #1 and #2? I really think the whole concept is rather nasty.


rerere July 8, 2010 at 5:50 pm

Great, and we have to sit in those seats…


Betty July 8, 2010 at 6:18 pm

I read about an astronaut who drove hundreds of miles to confront a woman who she thought was having an affair with her boyfriend who was also an astroanut. So she wouldn't have to stop to go to a restroom, she wore diapers. Evidentally diaper wearing among adults is somewhat common.


Dina July 8, 2010 at 6:30 pm

Not really – more like it's common among astronauts. (They wear them during launch because you're going to be sitting there for a while, and you can't use the head when you're on the launch pad.)


ps July 9, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Hey, Alan Shepard relieved himself on the launchpad, sans diaper while waiting in Freedom 7 so I don't think astronauts wear them on duty, but they may wear them when pursuing an ex boyfriend or girlfriend that dumped them.


Dina July 10, 2010 at 3:26 am

In the Shuttle they do!… We've come a long way since Mercury.

debbie July 9, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Have you ever thought about planning ahead? There are alot of people on airplanes today and you are holding up service. Your an adult…..hold it or plan ahead. Your at fault not the flight attendants.


Jim July 12, 2010 at 11:08 am

Well, I do agree that when you gotta go, you gotta go. The flight attendant should really move out of the way, unless it is absolutely a danger to do so. Really, what is the alternative….going in your pants, and stinking up the plane for the rest of the passengers?

However, when I was a child, my Mother taught me to "go" before we left home for a trip. She taught me to "go" before church started. She taught me to "go" before we went to a restaurant or school, etc… Basically, she taught me to "go" when it was convenient, so I would not put myself in an embarassing situation.

So, today before a movie starts, guess what, I "go". Before I leave my home or office, and may have to sit in traffic….I "go". Before I board the plane, I "go". And, on a long trip I know every four hours or so, I will need to go, maybe sooner if I have a few drinks….so, I plan accordingly and "go" to the lav when it is convenient, and before it becomes an absolute necessity.

So, I suggest to the poster…a little more planning ahead on your part, may "relieve" this issue from ever happening again.

BTW, I am no fan of most flight attendants or airline employees….I find most of them to be frumpy, grumpy, rude, uncaring…and mad at the world….they took a profession that was once sought after and respected…and, turned it into something that is now despised…..However, with that being said…from posters terminology, it sounds like he is a real a-hole too….


Wet Willie July 17, 2010 at 1:17 pm

I used to waste time getting up and using the ridiculously small and terribly stinky lavatories, however since it bacame such a hassle to do so I now simply remain seated and piss my seat. The seat cushions preferred by the airlines are idiotically small and absolutely uncomfortable but still quite absorbant so there is no "spillage" and no one is the wiser since personal hygeine seems to be an afterthought at best for most travellers and curious odors abound on most airplanes. So for flights longer than two hours I simply wear dark slacks and no skivvies and when nature calls I simply piss my seat and therefore avoid all the controversy and inconvenience that getting up invariably causes and thus everyone is happy, except for the unlucky bastard that gets my seat next. But in keeping with modern society and the general absence of civility I say "Piss on all of you" It is after all all about me isn't it ?


Love it! July 25, 2010 at 3:35 am

I'm sorry, but that was hilarious! I was on a flight years ago when the FAs tried to keep me from the bathroom. It was legit, but it was either I pee in the seat or the lav, which I the guy. Lucky for me, a nasty look later, I felt much better leaving the bathroom.


Jayson August 9, 2010 at 8:05 am

Typical of all US Airlines. These FAs have been given so much power that they treat passengers like dirt. The FAs have no sense of humor, courtesy or respect; thay think that al passengers are up to something bad and to them while US hinterlands gets swallowed up in mayhem. No wonder when I travel international, I prefer nonUS airlines.


Plaineir March 1, 2011 at 10:33 pm

This is why I went before I boarded my plane back in May. 😛 Along with the fact that I don't think I drank anything except for some juice before boarding the plane. xD


Jennifer March 1, 2011 at 11:21 pm

I'm with you Plaineir! That's why I don't drink anything a couple of hours before I go out to see a movie.


Plaineir March 2, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Even so, I think I went to the bathroom about 5 times before I boarded the plane. 😛 Airplane lavatories are kinda creepy. :/

It's a bit of a pain, because you have to drink a whole lot after landing (or perhaps even before landing; I had some Coke on the plane, but I was too sick to drink all of it). Else you'll get dehydrated, as I have a tendency to do. 😛


Jennifer March 2, 2011 at 9:46 pm

I agree. You can't win. Flying causes dehydration. But if you drink too much you have to pee. And I hate the icky lavatories. I can barely fit into one. I don't know how some people join the mile high club in those things – or why they'd want to.


Plaineir March 2, 2011 at 10:17 pm

I actually went once or twice during the flight. -.-; Planes suck. That's all I shall say on the matter. Do you ever feel queasy after going on an airplane? My Dad had the brilliant idea of driving along awesome hilly country roads when my Mom and I got back to Canada, too, as they thought we'd enjoy it. I whined about being sick the whole time, so, there you go; THAT is what planes will do to me. xD


Plaineir March 2, 2011 at 10:18 pm

But I didn't whine because I was being purposefully horrible. I whine whenever I am in pain. So, yeah. I must have a weak stomach or something. X.x;


Harry March 2, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Will you two stop talking about your bladder problems?


Amelia Kelly March 15, 2011 at 3:05 pm

While the F/A could have moved sooner, I doubt the tone and words the OP used helped the situation "shift your backside"…. really? Would you want to do anything for someone who spoke to you like that???


Kirsten July 2, 2011 at 1:59 pm

What is it with adult Americans who talk about "going potty" or "potty breaks"? Do they have the mental age of five year olds?


Jimbo jim brain May 27, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Ohh poor little fella couldnt hold his water. Give me a break. Gotta interupt prople whom are doing their jobs. You sir are week in mind and body. I suggest you grow up snd learn to be a little more cooperative.


Sir J. Buttcracke June 2, 2012 at 10:48 pm

R Kelly would have peed on her, end of story.


Dr. Sex Potato February 14, 2013 at 2:23 pm

This never happened.


anned March 20, 2017 at 1:09 am

its so common for people to wear adult diapers on airplanes that TSA sees them all the time.

just don't wet in line for security or the TSA will search you because a wet diaper looks like explosives on there scanners.


ps July 10, 2010 at 12:45 pm

wow, all the creature comforts.


Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous post:

Next post: