A Happy Ending

May 27, 2009

in Portly Stories

Actually my story has a happy ending! I was on a flight from Chicago to Phoenix. My ticket said row 23, seat A. I found my seat – an aisle one- and in the other two seats were two seriously overweight lards. They both smiled at me (I think they were looking forward to eating me if the plane crashed in the mountains) and I sat down. I made sure that the arm rest was down but my neighbor’s blubber enveloped the arm rest and pressed against me. A four hour flight with sweating flesh pressed against me – nuts!

Anyway, a guy comes up and says, ” I think you’re in my seat.” Holy cow! What a break! He’s right, I should be in the other window seat.

“It’s OK,” says my savior, “I can sit in your seat.”

“Not bloody likely,” I think to myself and graciously decline the kind offer.

Serious amounts of Schadenfreude throughout the flight – poor guy.

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

SAW May 27, 2009 at 8:17 pm

I hope I never meet you. Your tone makes you sound like quite a rude, and obnoxious person.


Laura Cardwell May 27, 2009 at 8:48 pm

Schadenfreude, isn't that malicious happiness at someone else's expense?

You were lucky!


Roto13 May 27, 2009 at 8:50 pm

Too bad they didn't eat you.


Nacho May 28, 2009 at 4:31 am

Laura: Yes, it is. And it still makes me LOL.

What a nice guy, though, to realize the mistake and relieve you from that situation. I just hope you (OP) were gracious in the taking!


Anonymous May 28, 2009 at 5:02 am

What is up with defending fat people??? If I lead a healthy lifestyle, so should others and avoid looking like walking walruses. Besides, the obese DO take up more space. Stop making up excuses, drop that double cheeseburger and go diet!


MJ May 28, 2009 at 7:34 am

Anonymous – Gee, thanks for the logic! Larger people take up more space. I'd never have thought of that! Of course it sucks to be squished during a flight, but assuming that someone is heavy because he/she has poor eating habits and doesn't exercise is like assuming that all thin people eat well and work out regularly. It's simply not true. REGARDLESS of size, all people deserve to be treated with respect. The airlines need to figure out a way to accommodate people who aren't within the bounds of "average."


Kyle April 1, 2011 at 9:21 am

hey have you thought, in flight liposuction sends the fat straight into the engine as fuel. How much money could the fatties save the airline?


Roto13 May 28, 2009 at 8:35 am

Anonymous obviously doesn't know the first thing about obesity.


Atari May 30, 2009 at 7:34 pm

While I'm not agreeing with Anonymous, I must rebuke your implication that an even REASONABLE amount of fat people are fat for reasons they cannot control.

Most people are fat, honestly, because of poor eating and exercising habits. Period.

Moreover, though, I did feel that she was a little haughty in her analysis of the two portly folk she sat between.

I normally only insult people so brashly if the people were mean or obnoxious intentionally.

You just lambasted these guys who were kind enough to smile at you, even.



TheBigM June 1, 2009 at 11:40 am

I don't have a problem with overweight people per se. However I don't see why people have to put up with someone occupying more than their allocated space on a plane. Airplanes are small and cramped enough (I'm 6'4" so plane seats are REALLY uncomfortable). If a person is too wide for a plane seat then that person should book two seats.

And yes, I did thank the guy who's seat I was mistakenly sitting in.

And SAW, I'd LOVE to meet you.


Atari June 1, 2009 at 4:01 pm

That is, 'whose,' not 'who's,' unless you meant 'who is,' which, honestly, would make no sense.

Whose indicates ownership.

It's annoying, like 'its,' which is only an apostrophe if it is a contraction.


TheBigM June 2, 2009 at 11:08 am


Duly noted.



Atari June 5, 2009 at 9:10 pm

No need to be formal, but I'm glad that you didn't jump down my throat.


TheBigM June 8, 2009 at 11:06 am

You were correct and it's a mistake I often make. You seem to assume that I'm some kind of short tempered mad person. I'm actually very polite. By the way I would have got "it's" wrong too if I hadn't checked your earlier comment.

Have a good one anyway


Atari June 9, 2009 at 10:54 pm

Well, it is not a personal judgment, I just assume that anyone is going to become annoyed or frustrated as a consequent of me correcting his grammar.

(And that's the grammatical HE, which is used to indicate an unspecified gender)

I suppose we could just keep this conversation going forever, or we could both simply stop responding.

So which one is this, anyway? I don't even remember what the story is.


TheBigM June 11, 2009 at 11:36 am

Comments ending on a friendly note? I LIKE it.


Flyer June 30, 2009 at 10:55 am

MJ: "The airlines need to figure out a way to accommodate people who aren't within the bounds of "average."

It's called buying two seats. Most, as in over 90%, of people that are overweight are that way b/c of lifestyle choices. Most, as in 90%, of people that are think are that way b/c of lifestyle choices.


the dominator July 23, 2009 at 5:13 pm

yes it is indeed true that the overwhelming majority of obese people are fatties for reason they can control. they eat far too much and sit all day and night on their big, fat butts.

these people who keep calling for compsion and understanding for the fatties are the same people who love to blast smokers.


anonymous August 3, 2009 at 10:10 am

Maybe the best thing the airlines could do is make bigger seats with more legroom. Obese people would have enough room to keep their body mass away from those around them. Normal-sized people would actually be able to move and stretch their limbs (not to mention keep them away from other peoples' vomit).


Jim November 16, 2009 at 7:24 am

OMG, you have the nerve to degrade overweight people but yet you don’t have enough brains to find the correct seat. If I were you I wouldn’t be casting aspersions on people when you obviously cannot count or recite the alphabet. I really don’t think there is anything more annoying than when after fighting for space in the overhead you find some dumbass in your seat simply because they cannot match the number and letter on the boarding pass with the number and letter clearly posted above the seat.


Big and Wide February 1, 2010 at 8:06 am

OK I have a comment .. I am large.. 270-280lbs.. 6'1". I fit inside the armrests (and prefer to leave them down)… I never need an extension for the seatbelt and can easily use the normal length provided. My comment / question is this though.. my shoulders are several inches wider that the economy seat back… please all of you fit healthy people explain to me how I can cause my shoulders to shrink so that I fit? You are blessed with narrow skinny shoulders and backs…. I am courteous as I can be and I sit with my arms crossed as much as possible to as to not intrude on other passengers space.. but sometimes that is not possible…. so please tell me.. should I also buy a second seat?


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