northwest airlines

Sumo Baby Tantrum

December 21, 2010

in Baby & Kid Stories

I was traveling on business and unable to obtain an upgrade with miles for the return flight from Tokyo to Detroit. So I was seated in ‘preferred economy’ at bulkhead (aka premium cattle-class). I’ve been there before and began to fear the worst as I scoped out the passengers waiting at the gate.  Muttering to myself, “I bet I will be stuck with other fat guys, like those two over there. Or no, wait, I will be stuck with that psycho lady and that paralyzed drooling guy. No wait, I will be stuck with that Japanese lady and her screaming and very huge baby… nah!”  As I was beginning to feel the anxiety of a hell-trip in the making, I immediately began to pump myself up for the adventure by setting a positive mental vibe; “No problemo, I am a globetrotter. It’s only 14 hours. No biggie. Deep breaths. Think Zen. Positive thinking. Focus. Relax. OK. I’m better. Let’s do it!”  After all, I had my brand new pair of Bose noise-canceling headphones, so I could drown out the noise at least.

No sooner did I get into my aisle seat did a small Japanese lady and a HUGE sumo-looking child enter my zone. “Sit here prease” she says kindly in an accent, bowing, with HUGE baby in arms. I get up and she plops the child into my seat, smashing my brand new Bose headphones.  As I stood in shock staring at the pulverized $300 headset, a snotty, old, and ugly Northwest FA comes up behind me and barks “Sir, you need to sit down!”

After lift-off, the FA installed one of those airplane wall-mount bassinets for the baby, taking the time to grunt, push me and jam the bassinet into place, smashing my knees and consuming the one inch of precious leg space that I had (I am 6’3”). The Japanese mother takes the behemoth child and lays him down. Within three seconds the child lets out a blood curdling roar. The screaming, choking, kicking, arching and slobbering tantrum continued for what felt like eternity. It was like watching the exorcist in real-time.  I asked the mother if the child was teething. But she didn’t understand English and just ignored the baby, and me.  The FAs were useless and offered no assistance. Typical.

Desperate, I attempted to fix the broken headphones, looking for anything to cancel the 100 dB of noise honking from the gargantuan baby, but I was not successful.  After about three hours of non-stop screaming, I asked the mother if I could help with the baby by signaling that I would hold him on my lap or hold a bottle for him. She was happy to hand him off to me.  As I leaned forward to lift the child, while still jammed in the seat at bulkhead, I heard my back pop and my left leg went numb.

The baby boy was huge. A total sumo, about 10-12 months old and at least 50 pounds. I held him up as he balanced his pudgy feet on my thighs. I smiled, tried comforting him and said in baby talk “you’re a big boyyyy, no need to cryyyy.” He stopped sniffling and began to smile and giggle. “Success!” I said to the mother. She just looked at me like more was to come.

I look back to the baby sumo and he spits a gob of slime in my face. I quickly turned him around and he arched his back in rage and slammed his head into my face, bashing my teeth. I then spin him around for a return to the bassinet and he scratched and pinched my arm reaching for my face, and the screaming tantrum became WORSE…

The mother, frustrated, was crying and got up and ran to the back of the airplane. She was gone for about 30 minutes.  The FA asked me if my ‘wife’ can assist with the baby. I informed her she wasn’t my wife. The FA said “Then pretend it’s your kid and try to quiet him down.”  Needless to say, I wasn’t going near that kid again.

So, I was stuck with a screaming sumo toddler from hell for the next 11 hours.  I kid you not, the child was a monster.  When we were in line at immigration, other passengers were congratulating me for being able to tolerate the event.  I was flattered. But I do remember, just before exiting to luggage, seeing the child in a stroller, quiet, and he just looked at me with a little evil smile…

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Tagged as: children & babies, flight attendant, northwest airlines

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Shocked About Search

June 9, 2010

in Airport Stories

My story happened several years ago, but it still irritates me. I was flying from New York to Michigan with a family friend who was a minor at the time. We had already had a horrible time just getting to the airport (a transformer overheated and caused a minor blackout in Manhattan, shutting down the subways, and numerous traffic lights). We had no trouble going through security and had no trouble on our initial flight to Detroit.

When we arrived in Detroit, we had 2 hours to wait for our connecting flight to Traverse City. Here’s where it gets aggravating.

My young friend and I waited at the terminal, had food, played cards, and talked there in full view of (and earshot of, whether or not it matters) 2 Northwest Airlines employees who were also waiting for the flight to arrive, for 2 solid hours. When it came time to board the flight, these same 2 employees chose my friend to search.

I have no idea why they decided this was necessary, and I was shocked. It was the middle of summer, so we weren’t wearing any kind of bulky clothing, and we had minimal carry-on luggage with nothing unusual in it. The female employee was kind, apologetic, and reassuring. The male was obnoxious and arrogant. I was told to board the plane, but as I was responsible for my minor friend’s safety, I remained well out of the way on the side, observing everything that went on. When I asked – POLITELY! – if there was a problem, the male employee snapped, “If you don’t stay out of the way (I was nowhere near him!) we’ll search you too.” (And no, I didn’t ask him ten times, nor did I block other people boarding the plane, nor was I breathing down his neck.)

In the meantime, he was throwing all my friend’s things out of her bag – people boarding the plane were telling us, “Look out, he’s thrown her notebook on the floor – her camera’s down there” – including her school work. He then expected my friend to pick everything up and jam it in her bag herself in order to make the flight. He should have been glad HE didn’t attempt to check my friend’s bra strap (the female employee did that) because then I would have ended up in jail for beating the daylights out of him for feeling up a minor.

Before anyone decides to comment on the importance of airline security, and how I shouldn’t expect special treatment: I don’t expect special treatment. I am a native New Yorker. I was there for 9/11. I saw it happen. I am all for airline security. I comply willingly and politely. I do all I can to make life easier for them, for airline personnel, and for flight personnel. We had already been through all security, as I noted before. My friend did not deserve this treatment – and by the way, she was patient and polite with these two employees, in spite of the man’s nasty behavior.

I don’t think I’ve flown Northwest Airlines since, and I’ve never forgiven myself for not filing a formal complaint.

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Tagged as: airport, northwest airlines, security

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DisUnited

April 19, 2010

in Airport Stories

I was originally slated to fly out of SFO on flight 158, service to Hartford, CT at 11:59 pm, 6/20/09. I received two emails and two phone calls from United’s automated system stating that the flight was delayed from 11:59 pm to 12:39 am (on 6/21/09). I checked into the flight early Saturday morning, but planned on printing boarding passes at the kiosk since I needed to check a bag anyway.

Upon arriving at the airport at 11:15 pm, there were no gate agents present. I attempted to check in, however the kiosk stated it was too late to check in. I picked up the phone next to the kiosk, and an agent said he would call and send someone to speak with me.

After 10 minutes of waiting, I called back, and some other agent told me there was no one to send, and to go downstairs to baggage claim. I spoke with the agents down in baggage claim, and they told me the flight was never delayed, and I must have misinterpreted the message. Additionally, my seat had already been given away and the flight was oversold. They told me to call reservations.

I spoke to a reservations agent over the phone around 11:30 pm (I was extremely irritated at this point). He said my best path forward was to stand by for flights in the morning, since nothing was directly available. In any case, I was told to wait until 4:30 am to talk to the next gate agent. I asked if there were any other airlines flying out that evening, and I was granted an instant response that there were none. I guessed this was a lie, especially considering the agent didn’t even give 10 seconds for a response. I demanded to speak with a supervisor, which he denied initially, but finally transferred me to a manager. The manager conceded that there was a flight leaving out of SFO at 12:40 on Northwest, but all he could do was cancel the flight out of SFO-BDL and I was on my own. I had him cancel that first leg.

I ran from terminal 3 to terminal 1, and at 12:30 am, NWA gave me a first class ticket at $623 (no economy remained) AND got my baggage aboard the flight. Incredible! I got on the flight WITH my luggage 10 minutes before the flight, while United gave away my seat 44 minutes before the flight was supposed to take off.

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Tagged as: airport, delay & cancellation, gate agent, missed flight, northwest airlines, united airlines

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Return From Paris Is A Nightmare

March 10, 2010

in Odds & Ends Stories

A while back, my wife (then my girlfriend) and I were in Paris on vacation. We had a wonderful time (even managed to get “bumped” to 1st class on the flight over the pond from MSP 10 days earlier). Well, we reported to CDG in plenty of time for our return flight to Detroit (MSP doesn’t really have customs for incoming foreign flights). We checked-in, and all was well. When it came time for the flight (on NWA), however, that’s when all hell broke loose.

The boarding time came and went, and there was no information. After an hour, someone finally came out to tell us that French authorities weren’t releasing our flight because they didn’t think there were enough life vests on board. Huh? Someone actually counted life vests under the seats on a plane that landed there less than 12 hours earlier? Okay. Well, the “counting” on the life vests took over 4 hours. Eventually, we were allowed on the plane, and numerous seats were taped over to indicate that no one could sit there. Luckily, the plane was nearly empty, and I had an entire row of seats to lie across to sleep on during the flight. It got worse, however.

Somewhere over the Atlantic, a Frenchman decided that it would be a good idea to go into the lav and light up a smoke. That, of course, set off the smoke detector. When the FA’s arrived at the door to investigate, he threw his lit cigarette into the trash, which then proceeded to catch on fire. The fire lasted a couple of minutes before it was fully put out, but the lav was trashed, and the entire plane reeked of smoke. Mr. Frenchman was zip-cuffed (the plastic band-looking things) and then tied to a seat. Luckily, we weren’t diverted since everything was still flyable.

Upon landing in Detroit, Mr. Frenchman was literally lifted off the seat and carried away. We were then allowed to deplane, now 5 hours behind schedule. On the jet way, I immediately noticed a Border Patrol agent with a dog (drug-sniffing, obviously). Now, understand that many of the passengers were (a) tired, (b) non-English speaking, and (c) merely curious. A young man (pre-teens) tried to simply pet the dog, and the BP guy starts SCREAMING, “DON’T TOUCH THE DOG… KEEP MOVING… DON’T TOUCH THE DOG… KEEP MOVING!” On and on. You’d have thought he was Rain Man caught in a feedback loop or something.

Anyone flying in to DTW a few years back will recall that the “foreign flight” terminal was physically separated from the domestic terminal, and you have to take a bus (in the rain that day!) over to the other terminal after clearing customs and collecting your luggage. Anyway, once we arrived in the domestic terminal, we went to the NWA counters to rebook our flight to MSP since, obviously, our original flight left long ago.

Upon getting to the front of the line, I (very politely) explained our situation to the chimp (I mean, customer service representative) at the counter. She pumps out a couple of tickets and hands them to me like fecal matter being thrown at the zoo. It just so happened that directly over the counter were the departure monitors. I looked up and saw, clear as a bell, that the very flight she just put us on was labelled as cancelled. I stopped and told her (again, very politely) that she just booked me on a cancelled flight. She started screaming at me that I was being impossible, that she was getting her supervisor, and she turned on her heels and walked away! A minute later, another chimp (I mean, supervisor) showed up and berated me for yelling at her subordinate. I ramped it up and told her that I had done no such thing, that little-miss-can’t-read-a-computer-monitor had deliberately booked us on a cancelled flight (how on earth would the computer even allow that?), and that all I wanted were 2 seats on a flight to MSP. Folded-hands-across-her-chest supervisor stared at me for a few seconds then started pounding the keyboard. She handed me 2 new passes for a later flight, and I left.

Luckily, that later flight got off without a hitch, but we had to wait at DTW (a real dump) for several hours before finally getting back to MSP late that evening.

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Tagged as: delay & cancellation, dog, lavatory, northwest airlines, police, tobacco

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Plane Hits A Flock Of Birds

March 6, 2010 Airplane Stories

This past Sunday provided an up close and personal assessment of the airline industry, an industry that has seen considerable changes culminating with many major airlines going through bankruptcy. My wife Terri and I boarded Northwest Indianapolis bound flight leaving Bradley International Airport Hartford, Connecticut. It should be noted that Northwest Airlines is suffering through [...]

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Kid Kick’s Passenger’s Face

February 25, 2010 Baby & Kid Stories

July 2nd, 2003 I was on Northwest flight 852 from Anchorage, Alaska to Detroit, Michigan, approximately a 6 hour red eye on a 757-300. I was only 15 at the time and by myself. Surprisingly the flight was packed full. My seat was back in row 43 and as always I had a window seat. [...]

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Should I Board Or Not?

February 3, 2010 Airport Stories

So, this was my first time flying alone internationally to India without anyone. I was excited to have that experience without my parents, especially since they ask tooo many questions such as the gate, the flight time, etc. My experience started at Detroit with a very rude spokesperson for Northwest. I had no idea that [...]

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Orders To Disembark Fall On Deaf Ears

December 16, 2009 Attendant & Pilot Stories

My wife and I decided to take our kids, ages 1 and 4, to Las Vegas for a vacation. When trying to book the flights we could not get a direct flight back from Vegas to NY. Speaking with the Northwest reservation agent, she suggested we take a red eye flight that had a stop over [...]

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Lost Luggage & Missing Ticket Counter Crew

December 9, 2009 Luggage Stories

I would like to report my experience and concerns about what happened after Northwest flight 293 landed at 8:56pm in Little Rock, Arkansas on February 28, 2009. After waiting for our bags for more than 30 minutes I and 20-30 other passengers were told by a Northwest baggage handler at 9:40pm that there were no [...]

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Seat Adjustments

December 1, 2009 Seat Stories

In Sep 08 I was flying home to London from Minneapolis in business class with Northwest. I watched the film, then decided to get some sleep after the usual 10 minutes of getting the seat to go flat, fixing the blanket in the correct position with the seatbelt showing, and placing the inadequate pillow in [...]

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