Four years ago, I was returning back from Beijing to San Francisco with my mother. She had joined me on a business trip as she had never been to China and my father was not a big traveler. So this trip had been a big treat for her and it had gone very well. To celebrate this, we had upgraded our business class seats to first class. You know about first class, right? This is the section of the plane where for a princely sum you get luxurious seats, premium food and wine, and impeccable service. Un-huh.
When we sat down, both of our ‘premium’ seats were broken and outdated. That’s OK, we said – we’ll still enjoy everything else about this special flight. Dumb, dumb, dumb. As we were tucking into our pre-entree salad of leafy greens, my mother grabbed my arm with a death grip and with a whisper said “look at my plate.” I did, and to my horror, saw a very large (and no doubt premium) maggot meandering its way across her plate! Now, to my mom’s credit, she didn’t scream. She didn’t flip out. But we were totally nauseated by the experience and refused to eat their food the rest of the 11 hour ride home (wouldn’t you?).
The United ‘first class’ attendants removed our salad, but to our amazement told NO ONE about what their expensive salads might contain! We did to those around us, but I shudder to think what happened across that packed 777 plane. There never was any sort of apology from the flight crew or the airline until I wrote to them demanding one. And they made it clear they had no intention of providing any refund for our expensive experience in insect reproductive cycles and broken seating. You stay classy, United.
Tagged as:
flight attendant,
food & beverage,
insects,
seats,
united airlines
How should passengers behave and appear in order to be considered perfect? Based on annoyances described in stories received, we’ve come up with a list of airline passenger don’ts in order to avoid offending everybody in the world:
The Perfect Passenger…
Doesn’t talk too much
Doesn’t expel unpleasant gasses
Doesn’t pick or scratch his nose, hair or skin, or clip his nails
Doesn’t exude a foul body odor
Doesn’t use strong colognes or smell like smoke
Doesn’t have bad breath
Doesn’t get up repeatedly to use the restroom and doesn’t soil his pants
Doesn’t have offensive tattoos or piercings
Doesn’t display frightening or sexually suggestive behaviors
Doesn’t bring any food that smells bad
Doesn’t use tobacco dip or pop chewing gum
Doesn’t prevent the plane from leaving on time
Doesn’t maintain an ungroomed and unkempt appearance
Doesn’t have bugs crawling on his skin
Doesn’t turn on the light at night
Doesn’t recline his seat
Doesn’t fidget or get up out of his seat repeatedly to check overhead baggage
Doesn’t hog the common armrest
Doesn’t get sloshed on booze and isn’t high on drugs
Doesn’t canoodle with a companion
Doesn’t freak out or hit anyone
Doesn’t push on the seat in front of him
Doesn’t talk loudly on a cell phone
Doesn’t use any noisy electronic devices
Doesn’t play violent video games
Doesn’t watch porno on a laptop
Doesn’t snore
Doesn’t drool on others
Doesn’t make munching or slurping sounds while eating or drinking
Doesn’t bring any screaming babies or unruly kids
Doesn’t bring any unconfined animals
Doesn’t overfill the baggage bins
Doesn’t keep the window shade open when the sun is bright
Doesn’t have a body size that extends beyond the boundaries of his seat
Doesn’t constantly cough, sneeze or vomit, or carry any contagious diseases
Doesn’t lollygag in the aisle when passengers are trying to disembark
Finally… The perfect passenger doesn’t read this list and expect that there’s any passenger in the world that’s completely ideal. Let’s face it, every passenger has his or her flaws – and definitely some more than others! What are your thoughts?
Tagged as:
animals,
cell phone,
children & babies,
delay & cancellation,
illness & medical,
insects,
lavatory,
media player,
medication & drugs,
night light,
odor,
overhead bin,
portly,
seats,
sexuality,
tobacco,
violence
A couple of years ago, my husband and I got caught in traffic on the way to Dulles airport and missed our flight to Amsterdam. A wonderful UA employee fixed us up on a later flight through London and even kept us in our originally booked business class. Getting to London was fine. It was London-Amsterdam that was hell. I cannot remember the connecting flight airline, but it was one of those Intra-European cheapo airlines. I’m okay with that, but we got stuck in the last rows of coach. No big deal, it’s a short flight, except…
We were seated across the aisle from one another. No problem. As I sat in the next to last row of coach, I noticed a strange odor, the smell of a human body unwashed for months. I took a look around, as I hadn’t really focused on the couple next to me. They were filthy; absolutely the dirtiest humans I have ever seen, and they did not appear to be that way due to any lack of resources. They had electronics (cell phones, I-pods), but they had very long matted hair and 60’s era hippie clothes. Okay, so that’s a lifestyle choice, but you should shower once in a while.
The worst was when I saw LICE climbing up the guy’s neck. I was sitting right next to him. I got up and went to the FA and explained that the people next to me posed a health hazard and should have been denied boarding. She took a look herself and sympathized, but there were no other seats available so I could not be moved, and there was no point in asking my husband to switch seats because if he got lice, I would inevitably get it too. I spent that flight leaning way into the aisle.
Tagged as:
filth,
insects,
missed flight,
odor
