Damp Derrière

December 15, 2009

in Seat Stories

Well, mine isn’t nearly as terrible as most of the stories posted hear but here’s my horror story.

I was taking a flight to Seattle with my brother to go visit our family for Christmas. I was 14 at the time I think. Everything went smooth, the check in, boarding, seating, everything. Except for the loud mouth that sat behind us that had to tell everyone everything about his past flights experiences.

Anyways. My brother and I always did the Rock, Paper, Scissors thing to see who got the window seat for the first flight. I conveniently won. We take our seats and wait for takeoff. Forty-five minutes go by and the plane hasn’t moved. Finally, an attendant informs us that they are experiencing mechanical problems with the plane and the flight will be delayed another 10 minutes. Wait… mechanical problems? You mean you still plan to fly this thing? Nice…

As I’m sitting in the seat, I begin to start fidgeting because my rear is for some reason becoming very uncomfortable. I pay it no mind. Not trying to be graphic here mind you but 20 minutes pass and my rear really begins to itch. I act like nothing’s happening. We’re in the air for about an hour and it finally clicks. I stand up, feel my cushion. Wet. “No…” is my first reaction. I bend over to give it a smell. Yes. Urine. Wonderful. Not mine mind you. Apparently, some mother did not inform the flight attendants that her child made a mess on the seat cushion on the previous flight .

And there are no other cushions anywhere. I’m offered a plastic bag to put over it but that doesn’t help. Only 2 hours to go…

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Kad December 15, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Just a question, but how do you know it was urine from a child. I'm not sure if it would be worse, knowing it was from an adult with incontinence, but still…..

Something I've become used to is the stale smell of cabin seats, even when they haven't been obviously soiled. Just be glad they at least had a bag for you. I doubt somehow that commercial airliners fly with extra seat parts.


Mick December 16, 2009 at 2:06 am

Gawd, I cant imagine anything worse! And, yes, other commenter, there IS a difference in the odor of a kid's urine as opposed to an adult's….I've learned the hard way.


GMMR December 16, 2009 at 3:52 am

Mick, I wasn't going to ask, but how do you know the difference and how did you learn the hard way?


Mick December 16, 2009 at 10:25 am

You may well ask, GMMR! No, I don't have kids myself, but I work for a major retailer in Australia. One of my jobs is to clean up "spillage" from the shop floor and those "spillages" include urine. The odor, I have learned from many, many cleanups of this type, of kids' urine is distinctly different from that of adults'. No better, and no worse, just different.


Jodi December 16, 2009 at 7:01 am



Kad December 16, 2009 at 10:53 am

Thanks for elucidating Mick. Troubling images are going through my mind now. peopleofwalmart.com added a few troublesome images yesterday.

Wonder if I should go for a trifecta and find some other website that shows humans in their natural habitat (the shopping mall/store).


GMMR December 16, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Thanks for the peopleofwalmart web site the pics brought tears to my eyes.


Kad December 16, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Glad I could help with the tears. Imagine WalmartAir now….. It's only a matter of time (we can only hope I'm joking).


failpolice December 16, 2009 at 9:06 pm

P.S. It's "here," not hear. (In reference to the first sentence).


Kad December 16, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Dangerous game failpolice. I wasn't aware a grammar/spelling monitor had been appointed to FFH.

My posts occasionally have dropped letters, and quick typing sometimes results in offending your/you're, here/hear, their/they're constructions. Not being able to edit posts can be frustrating, but grammar NAZIS have thus far been blessedly notable here FOR THEIR ABSENCE.

The average poster here understands CONTEXT and MEANING, and is willing to overlook such faux pas I have described above.

By the way, this was the most polite way I could tell you to F*** *ff.

I hear funnyjunk.com is looking for a grammar nazi. That's where all the 12 year old kids hang out anyway.


TK December 17, 2009 at 2:34 am

LOL Kad well said.


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