I was flying from Orlando to San Francisco with a layover in Vegas. The plane was coming from Miami with a large, nice family already on board. They were about twelve strong and took up four rows across the aisle from me. There was an assortment of children and adults, and an autistic boy who looked to be about 13 or 14 years old. He kept tugging on his pull-up pants that were sticking out of the back of his shorts.
Now, I am one of those over-prepared parents that has one of those Mom-Bags… the kind that has an assortment of crap that will alternately medicate and bandage a wounded rhinoceros and build a small interactive model of the Eiffel Tower with gummies, a ColorForm set, and a set of 3D glasses. My daughters have been flying since they were infants and have barely even made an audible cry on a plane – they don’t have TIME to. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the Mom-Bag on the plane with me (or my kids) when the audible shrieks of the autistic kid began as we sat readying for takeoff. All he had to entertain him was his clothing and a glowy necklace someone had bought him.
The ear-piercing shrieks continued with regularity throughout the nearly 4-hour flight. They got worse when a family member tried to talk to him or keep him from eating their food, etc. The other passengers were very uncomfortable, and I thought my ears were going to bleed. The flight crew really seemed to avoid them, but it had gotten worse.
The kid crapped his pants about 15 minutes into the flight. It’s one thing to smell a poopie diaper on a baby or even a toddler, but on a teenaged boy? No one in the party got up to escort him to the bathroom and change him. He just sat and marinated in it, screeching the whole time. The people around me were silently gagging every time he jumped up and down in his seat.
There was no excuse for them to bring him on the flight without some plan to entertain him, much less change his pull-up. He played nicely with his glowy necklace, so why not something else benign to entertain him? Anything to stop the screeching… That poor kid, and our poor ears and noses.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
sorry that your a jerk, it is not his fault that he has a disability, and it is alot harder to control than you think
you cant just give an autistic person a gameboy and expect him to be entertained for the whole flight
i have an autistic cousin and they routinely fly fron london to australia, a 20hour flight, and they are able to handle my cousin but it is VWERY VERY hard, they dont like to fly with him, but they HAVE to go
what gives you the right to fly and not them? how do you know if he is going to see a specialist or doctor? you dont, so mind your business, if you can tell that the kid is autistic than you should understand that he has a disability and give him a break, its not his fault, and NOT the parents fault, they can do as much as possible but that doesn't guarentee anything…….it is tenfold easier to control a baby crying on a flight than an autistic person
Okay. I do, in a way, understand what you're getting at. Sure, the kid sounded like he was really annoying. But guess what? He was autistic. He didn't know any better. I understand that people like the child you encountered can be very obnoxious. I've encountered people like him myself. But do I complain? No. I don't say anything, because I know the people I encountered couldn't help it. The best thing would have simply been never to post this story at all, because now you've offended a bunch of people. Next time you come across a person like this boy, simply deal with it as best as you can and try to understand that person's situation.
I agree with you except that posting the story is all right I think. The internet is just a chatter
I am sorry for you and sorrier for the boy. Autistic or not his family needed to meet his needs and, clearly, they did not. Anyone, from infant to elderly, would be uncomfortable sitting in a soiled brief, especially for 4 hours. Perhaps he would have settled down if he was cleaned up and comfortable.
It's a hard call but I think I would have let the FA know that the young man needed assistance with toileting so she could get the family's attention.
Sad, Sad situation
I can see where the author is coming from even though her wording may not be the best. I'm a special education teacher, working with kids with moderate/intensive abilities and have a couple autistic students. They need to have stimulating activities to occupy their time and while they can have behavioral problems, they can be avoided with appropriate strategies. Shame on the young boy's parents. That's a type of child abuse.
I have worked with autistic children and absolutely agree with the author that these parents were not doing enough to care for their child on the plane. He shouldn't have been sitting in soiled pants, should have had many engaging activities to occupy his time, and should have had an adult tending to his needs throughout the flight. I experienced a very similar situation on a flight recently (child screeching, kicking our seats violently, etc) and it was enough for my seatmate to whip around and ask her to control him. In the end of the flight, she notified her partner sitting in front of us that the flight attendant had some gum, and that's what calmed him down. Ah! Gum! You knew that gum would do the trick but you neglected to bring any on board? I feel for these parents but have no sympathy for their inability to think ahead. Her behavior was so entitled and unapologetic. Thanks to you, you aren't the only one having a flight from hell!
I think the person posting this was very charitable in the descriptions and understanding that this was not the child's fault.
The parent's and family are the ones to blame here. They should not travel with the child, if they cannot properly care for him, etc…
It seems that most problems are not necessarily the fault of the children. It is the fault of the parents inability to provide adequate care and supervision to the child. Parents should quit making excuses for their children, be it autistic or not, and parent.
What is your suggestion for families with severely handicapped children? Should they drive 2000 miles if necessary, and then when they get to a seacoast…what?
I'm not that sympathetic with some people being bratty in public, but as a sibling to a sometimes-violent autistic, I can assure you that what you had to endure for a matter of hours–hours!!–amounts to nothing in the face of a LIFETIME of 24-hour care for someone who may be violent. or have severe, severe behavior problems…yet if you turn him over to others, he may be the victim of abuse.
I don't think you are a bad person; I think that being cocooned from real-life problems like this has made you extraordinarily insensitive. I was actually looking up details/ something about trying to travel with someone autistic. This is what I get!
Think he needs to be controlled or needs better medication? Would you like to develop a soothing tablet that is nonmedicinal in the sense of having NO side effects?
Does he need to be on a separate flight? Would you like to lobby for airlines to begin providing flights specific to the severely disabled (in my family's case, the autism is SEVERE) and their families?
Until you want to do something to help with this–or any of the suffering in the world–you ought to keep your comments to yourself. It is really, really sad and surprising that you aren't thinking about the suffering of the family or the boy himself, only your own inconvenience.
my suggestion for families with severely disabled children is…
have an abortion WHEN/IF they find out through the usual screening methods during pregnancy. Sometimes you don't find out until after birth which is a sad reality
A child with disabilities to that extent will never be a productive member of society, will never have independence.. the sad truth is, they will only be a drain on societies resources.
Shame on people like you!
i do not know who you are and would never want to.your ignorant and down right mean, who tthe fuck r you to say they are not a productice members of society.shame on you cause i am sure u are not productive and a very mean heartless person.I have cerebral palsy and have contribute much to my community. you r a bully .if you have nothing better to say dont say anything/
My only reaction to this story is to call you a dick.
I am a 28 year old, high functioning autistic, and I really don't think you should blame the kid for all the problems he had on your flight. There are many forms of Autism, including Asperger's Disorder (an embellished name for high-functioning autism). There are also autistic individuals who are, unfortunately, less developed. This kid on the flight was one of those less-functioning autistics. While his parents should have provided better care to him during the flight, you must understand that I think the reason the kid acted the way he did was because he was overstimulated. That is, he was in a new environment, and a new situation. Although I am a very high functioning autistic, I do not take "sudden changes" or new situations very well. However, I am able to control these emotions, and try to understand the situation that "overstimulated" me. Only on rare occasions have I had outbursts, although I have had them. As I stated, this autistic kid on your flight was unable to realize that his actions and outbursts were inappropriate, mostly because of how his condition affected him; he likely did not understand. As an autistic, I understand completely why this boy on your flight acted the way he did. Overstimulation.
This really hit a strong note in my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a 9 year old boy that is Autistic.. Amazing child on every level… Don't assume AUTISTIC is a bad thing and also DON'T ASUUME that hte parent doesn't want this to be easy on the flight…
I almost got removed last night from a flight because ALL I wanted was to have my husband, myself, and my son be in the same rows. The flight attendant was so very rude to me about it I finally told her that her attitude and rudeness was not right… MIND you I was not demanding this just telling her that it was a good thing for everybody on the flight… He definitely needed both of us…
The flight attendant needed a little more training on this issue as AUTISM is riising in this country… COME ON!! ALso, if this was your child who had crapped their pants think of how hard it is to change them in a airplane bathroom??? SERIOUSLY!
ALSO Mike thank you fort shedding some light on this… In a way that I totally understand…
Hugs to you boy, gives me hope with my nine year old baby 
all of you people need to shut up about them not giving the kid a break. HIS PARENTS DID NOT CHANGE HIS SHITTY DIAPER FOR CHRISTS SAKE!! they also failed to board prepared to keep him entertained and quiet. i dont see the person insulting the handicapped anywhere. the PARENTS are the assholes, not the kid. that is what i gathered from the story.
people are way too sensitive when it comes to disabilities. seriously. ever heard about the 40 something year old man that punched an infant in walmart? yeah, lets all defend the retard when his mother should have been more in control so that poor baby did not get attacked.
poor me and my handicapped child, its my excuse to be right in any situation. what a load of crap.
Wow. All I can say is…wow. How would you propose that the mother get to WalMart? Will you stop by and care for the son?
I'm not saying that, ideally, he ought to be there in Wal Mart. I AM saying that your comments about the handicapped are extremely, incredibly rude. My mother, full time caretaker to someone severely autistic, has said, "No one has offered to take a day of my life for me." Unfortunately, she's right.
Unless you want to be a part of the solution…
I think that many here should have more understanding. There is basically not enough information in this story to know who, if anyone, is 'to blame'. As Mike has alluded to, 'Autism' is not a simple thing. In fact, the expression of Autism is so varied from person to person, it is not even called Autism anymore by the medical community. Rather, it is referred to as "Autistic Spectrum Disorder", or ASD. This reflects the fact that the mixture of symptoms in each and every person is different, the severity of each symptom can vary from individual to individual. Some will have all the symptoms, some only some of them. This is all further complicated by the fact that ASD is co-expressed with other Basal Ganglia-associated disorders, such as ADHD, OCD, Tourette's syndrome, and others. In other words, if you have ASD, you also have a high likelihood of having OCD and/or Tourette's and/or ADHD (and PDD, Anxiety disorder and etc etc.).
So here is a likely scenario. The kid was severely Autistic and as a result not very functional. He likely had a severe expression of one of the classic ASD symptoms, an aversion to being touched or handled, along with a fear of unfamiliar situations. Clearly he did not have control of his bowels, which at his age, suggests a severe disability. It is likely that he also suffered from (at least) Tourette's syndrome, which would explain the periodic shrieks. Is the kid responsible for his behavior? He's doing the best of which he is capable.
Are the parents at fault? I'd be hesitant to blame them until I'd walked a day in their shoes. My own son is mildly ASD. He is not classic Asperger's (High functioning), although he is very functional. If you could put it on a scale of 1-10 of mild to severe ASD, he's a "1". Of course, we love him unconditionally, and I wouldn't trade him for anyone, but to be honest, he was (and continues to be at 20) a lot of work. As a parent, it wears you out. The divorce rate in families with an ASD child is 80-85%. Myself having a mildly affected child, I can't imagine how parents with a severely ASD child cope. It was difficult enough with a mildy affected child. So at a minimum, I'd have a little sympathy for them.
So why didn't they bring more toys? Probably because for their particular child, it doesn't help. If he's Tourette's he's going to shriek regardless. Furthermore in ASD children, the stimulation can make it even worse. It was likely the parent's experience that leaving him alone, or minimizing stimulation, was the best strategy for keeping him as calm as possible. They weren't necessarily being bad parents, they were simply doing what they have learned works the best for their particular child.
Why didn't they change his diaper? Knowing how trying it could be to get my own mildly affected son to wear something he didn't want to wear, I can imagine that just getting the diaper on this kid before the flight was a 60 minutes flailing and screaming match. They put the diaper on because they knew he did not have the control (either he lacked bowel control, or lacked the social awareness that crapping a diaper at his age was not socially acceptable). So now imagine trying to change that diaper in a cramped lavatory, in an unfamiliar situation (which is going to disturb an Autistic child). Would you have been more satisfied with 2 hours of flailing and murderous screaming coming from the back of the plane, with the result being feces and shredded diaper flung all over the lavatory? No. The reason that the parents didn't change the diaper is that not changing it was the least disturbing thing they could do. To try to change it would have been a nightmare.
Finally, there are those of you who may accept what I said above, but retort: then leave the kid home! First of all, you don't know why that family is flying – maybe they were taking their kid to a clinic. Second, it's the family's right to travel regardless of the circumstance – maybe they were just going to see Grandma. Sometimes, despite having a disabled child, you just have to go and live your life, and that includes the child. Finally, it continues to amaze me that people think that an airliner is some kind of privileged space. You know, when you are in public, you just have to deal with the public. You don't have a right to have things just the way you like. I mean, I sympathize. It is annoying to have a kid screaming and stinking. I don't like it either. But sometimes, that is just the way it is, and in public, you just have to deal with it.
I could not agree more.
I don't like inconsiderate behavior when it can be controlled…
But yeah, what you said.
As a side note, it is unBELIEVABLE to me how many call themselves pro-life–which I am as well–and roundly condemn the idea of executing the disabled in the womb (again, I agree)…but then when they see the disabled out and about, their reaction is, "Not anywhere near me! You need to have the kid, raise the kid, take care of the kid for life, but not anywhere where it might disturb me or make me uncomfortable!"
WOW I can't even express how beautifully you worded this! THANK YOU! After coming home just today and dealing with almost getting removed from an airline JUST because I wanted to not be seperated from our son who has Asbergers, You couldn't have said it better… God bless you.
Demotage, thank you for posting that. I am about to get on a 5-hr flight with my 5-year-old, high-functioning autistic son (who also has severe ADHD). And honestly, I am dreading it. But he is my parents' only grandchild and they live 2000 miles away. Driving is not an option because of limited work leave. The last time we flew, my son was undiagnosed and unmedicated, and my husband and I made herculean efforts to keep him contained — it was a miserable, traumatizing experience for EVERYONE involved. He screamed, yelled, thrashed, kicked seats, and threw all the stuff I brought for him all around. We tried everything we possibly could. Luckily for us, the people around us – at least those we spoke to/ made eye contact with – were relatively understanding. I think it's because we were making highly visible efforts to keep him under control.
So what's the point of my posting this? My son, like Demotage's, would register a '1' on a 1-10 autism scale. And he was extremely difficult to control. Luckily, this time around he is diagnosed, on an excellent medication regimen, and we now have a great therapeutic team advising us on how to handle these kinds of situations. Still, I am dreading taking him on that plane.
So, please consider — in these types of cases, the parents aren't necessarily looking for a get-out-of-jail-free card to avoid disciplining or controlling their child. They may be doing the absolute best thing possible. Believe me, original poster — I am sure his parents were as miserable as you. Not to mention mortified and possibly overwhelmed. Parenting a 'special needs' child can be overwhelming and depressing business (you should see our therapy bills). My son is VERY difficult to parent, and he's high-functioning. My heart goes out to this boy and his parents, and I urge you — please — to have more compassion.
Umm….and why can't they travel to see you? Seems to be the more practical thing to do, based on the circumstances.
That's what my parents do when it comes to my brother's kids, because they're still young enough where flying on a plane would be problematic. It's easier for a couple of senior citizens or a single person (me) to travel most of the time than a family of 4 anyways.
Amen and Touche' to Mom and Demotage. Have a safe and good trip with your kiddo Mom
ma’am, have you ever, oh I don’t know, beat your child?
sick of this autism excuse, the new fad disease, whats next? fake paralyzed kids?
Rick,
You have no idea what you are talking about. I hope it never happens to you that you have a child affected.
can't believe that comment came out of somebody's mouth! REALLY????
demo, dont listen to rick or anyone that doesnt understand that its is very hard to handle someone with a disability like autism
yes i do believe that in some cases doctors are over diagnosisng diseases but when it is something major like autism (no matter what part of the spectrum) than i strongly believe that the doctors a very accurate with their diagnosis…..what i mean is, they are giving out ADD and ADHD more than i feel is accurate, just because a kid is running around alot doesnt mean he has ADHD it means that they are being a kid….however when it is something as major as autism than there are more tests involved and higher level of diagnostics, its a severe disorder no matter which way you look at it
i am sorry about your son, i dont know about it at the level you do, but my cousin has autism and i am very close to him and the family and i see and am involved in the activities, its a whole crew of round the clock supervision, he had to go to a special school, was home schooled, and everything, but we all love him and understand that its not his fault, we knew that the best way was to try and be strong and try to get him to understand the basic rules and when he gets unruly "threaten" him by saying timeout, or naughty chair, and if that didn't work than we would just let him do what he was doing as this was the best alternative, otherwise he would kick and scream and make the situation prolonged, harder to control and more dangerous
we also knew he liked to follow some form of schedule and if you say your going to do something than you have to follow through, when they travel to sydney from london they always go on singapore airlines to singapore and he will only go if they promised him that they will go to toys r us, and he knew that he couldnt act up or he wouldnt go, so he was normally good on the planes, yes he was entertained by things but its alot harder than it sounds
so if anyone says that people are overreacting, its the new excuse, or whatever, than i would dreed to imagine what they would do in that situation and if their opinion would change, i hope they never are in that situation just like i hope noone is in that situation, but unfortunatly people have to deal with this, and it may look like they are not controling their kid with a disorder when in fact they are and are handling it in a way that would create less of a disturbance than the alternative
i'm glad some decent human beings have voiced an opinion here, austism doesnt have a pause button, so nice that you have a mom bag, have you even considered what it must be like for a mom of an autistic child oh thats right you havent a damn clue what your talking about.
The OP never insulted the child. And if your kid is that severly disabled, you should handle it. So, shut up.
And autism is being treated how ADHD was treated. Every kid who can’t focus or is shy is now called Autistic. I should know, my oldest little brother has asperbergers.
The other one doesn’t but was told he does. Why? Cuz he’s fucking ten.
Autism, for people unused to it, is annoying. I just got exposed to the stims, and fits, and school issues.
So have a little compassion for the OP, when yer not used to it, especially when the parents are fucking up, its hard.
Btw I love my lil brothers and they are taken care of very well.
This is a public forum; "shut up" doesn't have a place where hate speech and vulgarity are not being invoked.
I have not known of one single person–ever–who has defecated in his pants without having a neurological or (serious) physical condition. Wanting to make it to the bathroom and not smell like poop is pretty basic, even for very bratty and very rebellious kids.
What on earth makes you think you know and can diagnose the disability from the OP?? "And if your kid is that severly disabled, you should handle it."–What on earth does that even mean? Physically restrain him, even if he is stronger? Restrain him, even when that means the marshals might come to restrain YOU in the face of his screaming and shrieking? Stay home all the time? But wait–what about groceries?
Would you like to run this family's errands for them so that they can "handle" it? The level of insensitivity and selfishness is utterly unbelievable. Am I critical of how some have handled things with disabled kids (like an autistic boy AND his neurotypical twin brother being permitted to kick their mom repeatedly in fits)? YES! Do I think people have the right to judge who have not walked even ten steps in their shoes? NO!
At least act like you think about someone else once in a while.
Glad your brothers are well taken care of. I am glad that they are also not severely disabled like the autistic boy in the OP, or my sister…if they were you would have seen all of this before.
please shut up
The author has a point even though he is a little insensitive. What I’m trying to say is the parents should take more responsibility, they are responsible to keep him a little more occupied and not ignore what’s going on and let him act however he wants, there are ways to calm a child like this and it’s not the child’s fault. I have never had a problem with someone with disabilities it’s the normal children and their parents tgst I can’t stand! I hate flying anymore, kids are loud obnoxious brats a lot of times and the parents don’t even make an attempt to correct or control them. Just let them kick seatbacks, scream, cry and run wild! If I had acted like that as a child I would have been took to restroom and calmed down and if still acted up would have got a good spanking. Kids never get consequenced anymore, timeouts don’t work, need grounded from everything they have and if that doesn’t work then u lite their little ass up!
Demotage- thank you! At least someone has some sense!
Give the kid a break! He’s autistic.
Come on.
omg… This forum is so sad. If you know nothing about Autism, ADHD, etc, then find another forum to post on… All I wanted on an airline last night was that my husband and I could sit with our son… Somehow the seating got screwed up… This particular flight attendent was not very nice very condesending and downright rude… I just told her that if we were all together it would make the flight much more pleasant… She got mad at me for telling her she was being rude and almost had me removed froim the plane! WHAT? where did that come from… THOSE that are making comments about Autism like they are experts really need to not post… You have NO CLUE how hard it is…. They are the most beautiful children EVER and don't have a choice in how they act… Shame on you and YOUR comments!