A Fitting Punishment For Bernie Madoff

August 11, 2009

in Seat Stories

I measure 6’6″ tall, which doesn’t seem that large to me. I dread flying though. The thought of putting myself through that is, frankly, masochistic. In perfect posture, I have my knees planted firmly against the seat in front of me. The seat that is always occupied by someone who NEEDS that extra 3″ of recline to get a nap, and will lean with the power of a Swedish strongman to muscle through anything that might be blocking this 3″.

On a flight from Raleigh NC to Seattle WA, I was so lucky as to be the middle seat, in a 3 deep row. No room to stretch into the aisle, and no view out the window. These two options had been weighed (no pun intended), and been the preference for the all-American fat family. They selected those seats so Mr. Irritable Bowels could easily get to a lavatory (at least he was thinking of the other passengers then), and Mrs. I-want-to-see-the-ground could have her window seat.

I saw my seat as I was last to board the plane, and couldn’t help but laugh at the new low my flying experience had reached. Heck, an arm rest wasn’t an option, unless I wanted to start a pushing match with his and hers muffin tops resting on each. I can win an arm-to-arm war, but cellulite is a tenacious creature! I have an idea for how to punish Bernie Madoff now, just make him fly, 24 hrs a day, for the rest of his life. And he has to change seats with anyone who asks him to.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

SAW August 12, 2009 at 5:07 am

wow… absolutely riveting. I was enthralled.


GottaLoveIt August 12, 2009 at 8:46 am

This is probably the most boring and pointless story ever posted here.


Jodi August 12, 2009 at 10:58 am



Atari August 12, 2009 at 8:00 pm

I consider it strange that, after a person writes something, everyone else tends to write tautologies, or in other words; say the same thing, only in different words.

I thought his use of simile was rather humorous.

The real reason that I am posting this comment, however, is to mention that I completely missed the pun, so your 'pun not intended' seemed more highfalutin, rather than an attempt to dismiss any unintentional humor.

Maddox is right: The phrase (pun not intended) is entirely useless.


Anon August 12, 2009 at 10:52 pm

Atari, the pun is that he said "weighed" with reference to the heavy people seated in his row.

However, the pun is useless there because the information that would have indicated why it was, in fact, a pun did not make its way into the story until after the pun.

If your worst flight is two large individuals sitting on either side of you, then congratulations you're living the life.


Benny August 13, 2009 at 3:50 am

Not enough room for your legs? Then buy an upgrade. They are small seats but thats the reality of flying. Don't fly cheap and then complain when someone in front reclines the seat. I'm a big guy myself and have more of a problem with seat width but guess what, I fly premium becuase I want comfort and I don't want to annoy my seatmate by muffin topping the arm rest.


Jeanie August 13, 2009 at 7:23 am

What a riveting story! I clapped all the way through it!

Well… I had to do *something* to stay awake! LOL


SAW August 14, 2009 at 3:31 am

Benny… nice that you have the money to pay for that. Not everyone does you know. And I don't think it's right for someone who's too big for a too-small seat (and lets be honest, there are bigger seats on a kiddie-bus) to have to pay the INSANE price the airlines want for premium class. If it were a hundred (or even a few hundred) dollars difference, I could agree, but for the THOUSANDS they sometimes ask, I just can't.


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