Homeland Security Suspect

December 8, 2008

in Flying Hell Commentary

I am one of the old men (age 58 and in poor physical shape) that Homeland Security loves to identify as a suspect. I have made death threats and racist remarks but mostly to blow off steam and not to be taken seriously. Homeland Security loves to find guys like me because it gives them something to do and an excuse to pry into my private life. Whenever I fly, they send a member of the goon squad to accompany me in case I decide to hijack the plane. What a waste of taxpayer money. I have never been arrested. I have a few traffic tickets but no speeding tickets. It is funny how they pretend to be secret agents spying on me. Staring at me is not a good way to stay under cover. I hope you all feel safer knowing that these goons from Homeland Security are watching me closely. Just in case.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

K May 22, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Those Homeland Security "goons", as you call them, are protecting us from people who would like to harm us. Maybe they'd leave you alone if you acted more civilized and less psychotic.


Robin May 28, 2008 at 12:50 pm

K, you must be one of the sheeple that voted for Bush twice. These goons and $5-an-hour-power b*tches haven't caught ONE terrorist in those lines. Your civil rights are bring violated and you just take it like the other lumpen proles. It's absolutely none of the government's business what's in my, your, or 58-year-old-and-in-poor-shape guy's bag. If they're so concerned about some traveler blowing up a plane or killing a pilot, why do they let us bring matches, lighters, and knitting needles on board?

Assuming everyone is a potential criminal is one of the first steps to fascism.


Matt July 7, 2008 at 1:38 pm

You reap what you sow buddy.


paul July 8, 2008 at 11:42 am

they consider you a potential criminal because, as you said, have made death threats. if you made death threats to other people, you should be locked up. you may think that you were only blown off steam, but to the receiver, it's a different story.

they allow certain things that may become weapons because they cannot limit everything that potentially maybe made to be so.. or we will all have to fly naked, and let me tell ya, i don't wanna sit next to a naked 58year men who does not understand the limits of your freedom and consequences of your actions.

in the other hand, yes, Americans are too easily giving up their civil rights for small amounts of perceived security.

it's a shame..


noodlepopjin July 19, 2008 at 9:43 pm

Making death threats and racist remarks won't help your case at all…


Ryan February 2, 2009 at 11:54 pm

I was given an expensive($60), luxury body lotion as part of a gift bag on a business trip. I stupidly threw it in my carry-on. OK, my fault. Indeed, it was thrown out at security. Completely unused. I was annoyed, more at myself, but, yes, I thought it was entirely ridiculous.

I can see your point that airport security can be a nuisance. However, death threats and racist remarks are absolutely insane. You bring this on yourself. If you just get over it, go through the motions and realize we're all dealing with this, you'll move on and it won't take more than a few minutes. Something tells me you aren't just 'blowing off steam", you may need professional help.


Rusty April 2, 2009 at 1:50 pm

You sound a bit paranoid. Are they really following you or have you stopped taking your anti-psychotic medication?


S.M> April 2, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Maybe you need to be followed for spouting off death threats and such.. that's about stupid. Furthermore, these "Homeland Security Goons" you mention are probably TSA agents that are some of the lowest paid employees in DHS. You get what you pay for… It's like hiring McDonalds workers to watch out for your safety and even if they are a good employee they're not likely to be motivated by 8 or 10 bucks and hour to put up with a bunch of passengers BS.


Jill April 2, 2009 at 7:42 pm

The TSA guys are not to be irritated, in any circumstance. In most cases, it doesn't take much for them to blow a gasket. A few are very polite and nice, but most of them are just rude. Is there any way for them to do their jobs (I believe they are necessary) with out being hard asses?

Also, what's gross is that the same TSA that handles someone's dirty underwear is handling your stuff. Can't they change gloves every so often??? Then again, like a previous poster said, what do you expect from people/McDonald's workers being in charge of our safety – both from terrorists and germs etc.


Paul April 8, 2009 at 10:33 am

i learned that yelling and screaming does not solve the issue


Onslow April 21, 2009 at 7:48 pm

Sounds like a case of both guilt feelings and paranoia.


angryfeet April 26, 2009 at 11:02 am

"Whenever I fly, they send a member of the goon squad to accompany me in case I decide to hijack the plane."

Are you saying you have a security agent that accompanies you ON the plane? WTF? I have never heard of this before. Either you're completely paranoid and insane or lying. If you're such a security risk that you need an agent to fly with you, they just won't let you on the plane at all. If you're saying a security agent follows you in the airport, well, suck it up and take the train next time. Sounds like you're a miserable racist – if you don't want nasty comments to be taken seriously, then don't make them.


Mack October 27, 2009 at 10:39 am

"I have made death threats and racist remarks but mostly to blow off steam …"

Perhaps if you'd grow up and act your age, taxpayers' money would not be wasted Homeland Security having to accompany idiots like you!


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