A few years ago I had a job interview and the first leg of my flight–Denver to Vegas–was full of rowdy passengers who hadn’t known each other previously but all got acquainted in one of the airport bars before boarding. As they piled onto the plane, laughing and joking, I reread my notes for the talk I was to give as part of the interview process, crammed into the window seat that I couldn’t swap for an aisle seat. Soon an obese woman took the middle seat next to me and her normal-size boyfriend took the aisle. They have both had a few drinks with the party bunch. OK, fine. I go back to my reading. The plane is boarded, we pull away from our gate and the fat lady starts to pick a fight with her boyfriend.
As we take our place in the queue on the tarmac he tries to placate her. By the time we reach the runway he’s given up and is ignoring her. As the wheels leave the ground she starts *poking* him, really trying to start something. Finally the boyfriend looks her in the eye and snaps, “Have you *had* enough to drink? Maybe I should buy you ANOTHER beer, huh?” in a tone that suggests this is not new behavior for her.
And instantly, her demeanor changes. She turns away from him, starts blubbering and clawing at MY shoulder! “I just *sob* wanted to have fun! I wanted this to be a nice trip, I’m sorry, *sob, blubber* I just want to have fun,” on and on, pawing at me while her bulk flows over the armrest into my seat like a collapsing pudding as I’m pushing her away and yelling, “Get AWAY from me!” as she’s drunkenly apologizing and manhandling me. It was like being smothered by a beanbag the size of a Toyota.
Some minutes later, when the plane has finally leveled out, an FA comes back to see what the commotion was. Fat lady is now passed out and snoring on her boyfriend’s shoulder. He explains the problem, apologizes, and then offers to buy me a drink. No thanks, dude. Just keep big momma off of me and we’ll call it even.
Tagged as:
alcohol,
portly,
seats
I am one of the old men (age 58 and in poor physical shape) that Homeland Security loves to identify as a suspect. I have made death threats and racist remarks but mostly to blow off steam and not to be taken seriously. Homeland Security loves to find guys like me because it gives them something to do and an excuse to pry into my private life. Whenever I fly, they send a member of the goon squad to accompany me in case I decide to hijack the plane. What a waste of taxpayer money. I have never been arrested. I have a few traffic tickets but no speeding tickets. It is funny how they pretend to be secret agents spying on me. Staring at me is not a good way to stay under cover. I hope you all feel safer knowing that these goons from Homeland Security are watching me closely. Just in case.
Tagged as:
security
My wife, myself, teenage daughter and two infant children flew from Lima, Peru to Atlanta, Georgia via Ft. Lauderdale on Spirit Airlines.
From the outset the flight attendants were, at best, surly. I was placing my two year old daughter’s coat into the overhead compartment prior to takeoff and one attendant asked me what I was putting into the bin. The airline was concerned that people were carrying too much luggage on board and started announcing for people to place everything under the seat. Her attitude was very accusatory as if I were placing a grand piano in the bin, not a small coat.
Upon arrival at 5 in the morning at Ft. Lauderdale, my infant children were asleep, so I carry them just outside the door to place them into the strollers that were checked at the gate. I then attempted to return to the seat to collect a bag since I only had two hands, but was stopped by a shouting attendant saying I could not return due to FAA regulations. As my wife had also exited, we had no way of returning. Finally, one attendant grudgingly retrieved my bag and slung it at my feet saying it wasn’t their job to retrieve bags. I understand the regulations, and I understand job descriptions. I do not understand nor appreciate why someone would take a position and then treat their customers with such a degree of condescending rudeness. I told both attendants that the next time I fly – on another airline – I will remember the regulations and the union rules.
Tagged as:
baggage,
children & babies,
flight attendant,
overhead bin
I don’t fly very but it happens. But on a regular basis something amazingly happens to me and/or others. This flight was from Switzerland to USA. I thought I was lucky since I got a row with lots of legroom, but as soon as I tried to sleep like everyone else I noticed the passenger behind me had his knees on the back of my seat. That is ok for me. I do it myself. However, when I do that I try to do it with the least annoyance as possible.
THIS person was apparently trying to be as annoying as possible. For a while I thought he would fall asleep at some point. How wrong. He kept changing and kneeing my back constantly. I finally told him to stop and his answer was, “If you don’t want that, you should have booked business class.”
I was so surprised by that rude attitude that I really didn’t see any solution to it. At the end of the flight I told him when we were leaving the plane that this behavior was really unnecessary. He made some weird coughing noise which I think was him laughing.
Tagged as:
seats
Homeland Security Suspect
December 8, 2008
in Flying Hell Commentary
I am one of the old men (age 58 and in poor physical shape) that Homeland Security loves to identify as a suspect. I have made death threats and racist remarks but mostly to blow off steam and not to be taken seriously. Homeland Security loves to find guys like me because it gives them something to do and an excuse to pry into my private life. Whenever I fly, they send a member of the goon squad to accompany me in case I decide to hijack the plane. What a waste of taxpayer money. I have never been arrested. I have a few traffic tickets but no speeding tickets. It is funny how they pretend to be secret agents spying on me. Staring at me is not a good way to stay under cover. I hope you all feel safer knowing that these goons from Homeland Security are watching me closely. Just in case.
Tagged as: security
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