kenya airways

Close to the Edge

November 15, 2011

in Airplane Stories

“African aviation has the worst safety record in the world.” Over many years and millions of miles flying across the length and breadth of Africa, I had a true appreciation of that seemingly innocuous phrase. Yeah, well it’s still safer than crossing the road, isn’t it. Is it? Depends. One of the things it depends on is the weather; I learned a lot about African weather – particularly what weather to avoid. The middle of Africa is one vast, wet, broiling tropical jungle that stretches across the entire belt of the continent; and breeds sudden, short but extremely violent storms.

I once overheard a Kenya Airways pilot and chief engineer arguing about whether or not it was safe to take off from Douala in the middle of a tropical storm, particularly as the de-icer had broken. I didn’t know what a de-icer was but it sounded like we needed ours to be working. We took off anyway. That flight, from Douala to Nairobi on Kenya Airways, was one that I knew very well; I flew it dozens of times en route from Cameroon to Johannesburg. One night that same flight took off in the middle of one of those same tropical thunderstorms – and crashed two minutes after takeoff. The plane sunk so deep in the jungle muck it took them a week to find it. I wasn’t on board, but I could easily have been.

I was working with the World Bank in Johannesburg, South Africa. One weekend I was scheduled to speak at a conference in Abuja, Nigeria on Sunday, and apart from that I had no real reason to be going to Nigeria. I had agreed to do it, but as the time got closer I got more reluctant to go. It was taking up my whole weekend just to give some stupid speech! What tipped it was that my family had just arrived in Johannesburg for an extended visit and although I could have gone, I decided at the last minute to do what my employer says and “put family first.” On the Saturday night I sent my speech to a colleague in Abuja and asked him to present it on my behalf. Problem sorted.

The next day, Sunday, I discovered that the 9:30 PM Bellview Airlines flight from Lagos to Abuja the previous night, the one I had been booked on before aborting the trip, had crashed in a tropical storm en route, killing all 117 people on board. That one shook me up: Jesus Christ, I was booked on that flight – I had flown on that same plane, many times! On Monday morning I called my colleague in Abuja to ask how the conference had gone, but before that I said that I hoped he didn’t know anyone who was on the crashed plane. He said,

“My wife was on that flight.”

Oh God….

- Brian

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On a flight from Miami returning to the UK on new years eve 2005 (arriving in the UK in 2006) we had a lovely time….

The first problems were the reclining seats. The passengers in front of us had their seats pushed all the way back. Fine, that’s what they are for. So, we all put our seats back, only to have the guys behind us complain to the stewardesses that it was annoying them.

We were promptly told to put our seats into the upright position, and so we mentioned the people in front. But oh no, they didn’t have to put their seats up, and they had no intention of doing so. So here we are, new years eve, and we have 10 cms of air between our noses and the backs of their seats.

Next problem, the stewardesses. They obviously did not want to be there, and they let us know that! They weren’t helpful. They were rude and they told us to go make our own coffee as we knew where the kitchen was……….

The toilet…………After eating their stale bread which gave me very uncomfortable bowels, I decided I’d have to visit the worst place on a place, the toilet. So I stand up, and a woman sees me standing, so as I’m trying to shuffle from the window seat to the aisle, she starts running to get to the queue before me…… She made it….

There was already a queue of about 7 people, and it didn’t help with the fact that each woman in the cubicle for some reason would take roughly 20 minutes in there (SERIOUSLY). God knows what she was doing. So, after 90 minutes of standing in pain in the aisle, I make it to the toilet, only to come out and have to wait 30 minutes for the trolley girls to finish their round….

I can’t really explain it, but it was a flight from hell and I’ll never be going with an American airline again.

My best service on air flights has ALWAYS been with the ‘less prestigious’ airlines like Kenya Airways, south African Airways, etc. The service with them is incredible.

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