Captain Chunk & The Kicker

May 27, 2009

in Portly Stories

My girlfriend and I were recently on vacation in the Middle East. We had finally reached the end of our rigorous travel. Our first flight was from Aswan to Cairo at 11 pm, which was no big deal. We got our bags and had to push them in carts to the international terminal; mind you there are no trams, skyways, etc to the other terminal.

Our next flight is to Amsterdam on KLM, which is a great airline. The flight leaves at 4:15 AM and got into Schipol at 8 AM. My girlfriend had the window for this part of the journey home. She says I hope someone fat does not sit by you, and low and behold a 6’6″ 300 plus pound smelly Egyptian guy sits next to me. I do not think his ass touched the seat when he sat down or during the entire flight thanks to the arm rests. In addition his flab and leg are in my area. There is one seat left open in front of us that happens to be by the window and in an exit row. I ask the flight attendant if I can have the seat, but the flight was full…five minutes later a Dutch guy takes his seat. Great….

What makes matters worse is the guy behind me, who is clearly an adult, decides to kick my calves for the next four plus hours. I kick back and look back at him with a deathly stare, and he continues to keep kicking. I should have said something, but I did not….not sure if it would have mattered with this clown. I had been up for over 24 hours and just wanted to sleep, but that was not happening thanks to captain chunk and the kicker behind me. I have had some crappy flights in the past, but by far this is the worst flight I have ever had.

Signed, Michael B.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

SAW May 3, 2009 at 2:44 am

If that's the worst flight you've ever had, then you haven't had a really BAD flight…


Onslow May 4, 2009 at 11:51 am

I can imagine your discomfort!


Roto13 May 4, 2009 at 12:40 pm

The person kicking your seat was one thing, but fat people get to fly too. Deal with it.


Peter Fulton Foss May 16, 2009 at 6:27 am

Deal with an obese, smelly, seat mate, you say.

Why should he?!

He paid his fare and is entitled to his space without the intrusion of an overweight unclean mass of flesh making a miserable flight worse by a factor of 100.

Do you know what the strongest human emotion is? Not love, not sex. It is defense of territory.


Rob May 27, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Well said Peter.

Unlike the story writer, I would not, and have never put up with seat kicking. Usually you find it in kids with parents on Oxycontin, but to have an adult do it is inexcusable.

Meal time is the best time for revenge, when uproarious laughter at whatever inane movie is playing ensures 1/2 their drink end up all over the place by pushing back hard and suddenly 2-3 times on the seat back. That is if a polite request to stop the irritating kicking does not stop.


Laura Cardwell May 27, 2009 at 8:51 pm

Kicking is best dealt with via revenge. Gotta agree here.

Was it at least funny after the fact?


Diablo August 18, 2016 at 10:33 pm

The best revenge is to call a FA most likely. " Sir/Ma'am, I'll have to ask you to stop kicking this persons seat. " Entire plane looks at them, immediate embarassment.


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