Smothered By A Human Beanbag

December 27, 2008

in Portly Stories

A few years ago I had a job interview and the first leg of my flight–Denver to Vegas–was full of rowdy passengers who hadn’t known each other previously but all got acquainted in one of the airport bars before boarding. As they piled onto the plane, laughing and joking, I reread my notes for the talk I was to give as part of the interview process, crammed into the window seat that I couldn’t swap for an aisle seat. Soon an obese woman took the middle seat next to me and her normal-size boyfriend took the aisle. They have both had a few drinks with the party bunch. OK, fine. I go back to my reading. The plane is boarded, we pull away from our gate and the fat lady starts to pick a fight with her boyfriend.

As we take our place in the queue on the tarmac he tries to placate her. By the time we reach the runway he’s given up and is ignoring her. As the wheels leave the ground she starts *poking* him, really trying to start something. Finally the boyfriend looks her in the eye and snaps, “Have you *had* enough to drink? Maybe I should buy you ANOTHER beer, huh?” in a tone that suggests this is not new behavior for her.

And instantly, her demeanor changes. She turns away from him, starts blubbering and clawing at MY shoulder! “I just *sob* wanted to have fun! I wanted this to be a nice trip, I’m sorry, *sob, blubber* I just want to have fun,” on and on, pawing at me while her bulk flows over the armrest into my seat like a collapsing pudding as I’m pushing her away and yelling, “Get AWAY from me!” as she’s drunkenly apologizing and manhandling me. It was like being smothered by a beanbag the size of a Toyota.

Some minutes later, when the plane has finally leveled out, an FA comes back to see what the commotion was. Fat lady is now passed out and snoring on her boyfriend’s shoulder. He explains the problem, apologizes, and then offers to buy me a drink. No thanks, dude. Just keep big momma off of me and we’ll call it even.

{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Trixi December 3, 2008 at 1:31 pm

You're kind of a bitch, aren't you?


Lisa December 3, 2008 at 2:08 pm


I'm the OP, and you don't know the half of it.

Weight Watchers not working out so good for you, dear?


JL December 4, 2008 at 1:01 pm

Trixie, I fail to see what exactly Lisa did wrong for you to call her a bitch? She never said anything to the woman in the story. Unless you have been a victim of an obese person taking up part of your seat, you have no idea. Unless you're the one taking up my seat???

The larger person in a couple should always take the aisle seat so only the partner has to suffer.


OG December 29, 2008 at 1:06 pm

Yes she must be a bitch since she mentioned the fact that the woman was obese, LOL. I'm just waiting for something like that to happen to me so I can demand a refund if some fatty takes up part of my seat.


neo April 2, 2009 at 9:08 am

Sounds like the woman was far more than Obese. Most normal-sized people are obese by medical standards.


tim April 2, 2009 at 10:49 am

Most normal-sized Americans are obese by medical standards. Fixed that for you.


Lo April 2, 2009 at 11:25 am

I definitely think obese people should have to pay for 2 seats. If they're spilling over them anyways and they can't be comfortable all smashed like that. It might be cruel but seriously, lose weight or pay for 2 seats.


jim April 2, 2009 at 11:36 am

Fatties need 2 seats, make them pay, or take the bus.


Anon April 2, 2009 at 1:03 pm

I thought if any passanger was intoxicated they weren't allowed on that flight and would have to take another one when they sobered up.


Donna April 2, 2009 at 1:19 pm

I'm with Trixi. I'm not overweight. I have sat next to a person who is overweight. The author is a bitch because a woman was upset and crying and she yelled "get offa me." That's inhumane. Do only thin people deserve respect? Only pretty people? Only white people?


ashley April 2, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Donna, you're an idiot. NO ONE should EVER put their hands on a stranger like what was indicated in the story. I don't care what kind of drunken crisis this person was facing, you still need to respect other people. Being fat had nothing to do with why she told her to get away from her.


Wm Graham April 2, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Seems like the complaint about a female passenger being intoxicated is legit however to complain about the overweight "big momma" – well we see who has a problem here……… and it is called prejudice.


Lo April 2, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Prejudice well-deserved, however.


LARRY April 2, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Those plane seats are way too narrow!! If an NFL player sat next to you, you wouldn't call him obese but he sure would take up part of your seat. I think it would be best to err on the side of compassion with large people. It is more difficult to deal with intoxicated people though and that may be the real issue in this situation.


fjackie April 2, 2009 at 5:51 pm

If you are taking up more than one seat you have serious issues. Maybe work out and diet before you start travelling again.


Joie April 2, 2009 at 6:15 pm

The obese have the right to be obnoxious just like thin people do. With that, comes the responsibility to act SANE, such as not "pawing" other travelers.


Kiki April 2, 2009 at 6:53 pm

You people are nuts! If someone—-man, woman, fat, skinny, white, black—was drunk and slobbering all over me, I would have yelled at him/her, too! Would you say she was a bitch or prejudiced if she yelled at a skinny white woman? NO! The woman's weight was an issue because of the confined space, so it is totally relevant to Lisa's story.


kevin April 3, 2009 at 2:00 am

If any part of you is in my seat, YOR DOIN IT RONG!

I originally imagined the poster as male, so i was surprised to see trixie call them a bitch. This person put up with a lot and wasn't bashful about telling the passenger off(unlike a lot of posters) If that is bitchy, sign me up.


Anonymous April 3, 2009 at 1:32 pm

If you're that dang morbidly obese, buy the two seats. Show some compassion for the rest of us! I don't like blubber boiling over into the space, that's already small enough, that I paid $500 for!


Billllll April 5, 2009 at 12:34 am

these comments are like reading the transcript of a jerry springer episode. who cares about any of this? obviously, me! I weigh 631 pounds, and will probably have to be buried in a piano box. when I fly, they just staple 737 wings on me and push me off a cliff, and the power of my farts speeds me through the stratosphere. so why are many of you so easily offended by referring to someone as "big momma" or "obese"? haven't ever laughed at an eddie murphy or martin lawrence movie? get over stuff asap.


Fred April 6, 2009 at 10:51 am

If a person is too large and comes into your seat all you have to do is ask the flight attendent to ask the Captain to have the person removed…

They are required to purchase two seats. If you cannot comfortably get the handrest down and cannot comfortably sit upright in your chair, then you can ask them to be moved, you to move, or them to be removed from the flight.

Oversized people cause a safety threat when they try to cram into a single seat because they block the aisle and most often cannot wear their seatbelts correctly.

The same goes for anyone who has excessive B.O. Simply ask the flight attendant to inform the Captain. The Captain has the responsibility to make all calls on who will fly on the airplane.


Demotage April 6, 2009 at 6:51 pm

I call BS. Ive had issues with overweight passengers and with upset passengers. I've flown hundreds of times. Think about the real world. Can you imago e this happened just as the writer said? I can buy it right up to when she starts pawing him. Acted that, it didn't happen. The writer embellished from here on out, I'm sure.


Deanna April 6, 2009 at 9:16 pm

Is this person complaining about the fat lady being fat…or the fat lady's behavior? I think the behavior is bad. But…would he have been so upset if the woman had been slender and lovely?


nicole April 7, 2009 at 4:09 am

Trixie and Donna are looney toons. This is the exact reason why fat people should have to buy two tickets if they're body take up part of someone else's seat. Or they could just lose the weight, I know that sounds terrible huh. Learning to take care of yourself so your disgusting lifestyle CHOICES don't affect other people.


Erik April 9, 2009 at 3:10 pm

Even better than having a fat person sit next to you and the rolls of fat ooze into your seat?

A SWEATY fat person oozing into your seat. I had to have my jacket dry cleaned after.


Sarah April 17, 2009 at 9:01 pm

Wow, fat people really think they're something, don't they? Chowing down on their chocolate bars while their chubby fingers struggle to hit only one key instead of five on the computer keyboard. The aforementioned chubby fingers slaving away to write a paragraph of self-righteous drivel of the victimization and "inhumane" treatment of obese people. Why yes, I did say obese, any anyone who has a BMI of over 25 is medically classified as obese. It's a medical term. If it hurts your feelings, lose weight.

People don't get fat by accident. If you have a medical condition, ask a doctor about exercises you can do. If you're paralysed or have no limbs, then you have a good excuse. If not, it's time to admit that you got yourself to that size and do something about it. The first part of healing is acceptance.


Sarah April 17, 2009 at 9:08 pm

The OP was perfectly within her rights to tell that woman to get away from her. If some drunk person in a bar, in the subway or on the street did that to you, fat or not, your race or any other race, what would you do? Would you happily stay there while the person continues to cry and touch you? Didn't think so.

Think before you write before you end up sounding like irrational, illogical judgemental losers with immense superiority complexes.


Lon April 20, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Wrong Sarah, BMI of over 30 is medically considered obese. BMI 25-30 is said to be overweight. Look it up.


Sarah April 20, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Lon, I stand corrected. Thanks for clearing that up.

| | 04.20.09 – 7:28 pm | #


Atari May 30, 2009 at 8:42 pm

The whole, "Would you have/would you have not IF THE PERSON WASN'T FAT" argument is getting tired and boring.

This writer would, instead of complaining about the weight, focused more on the rest, like the obnoxious girl and her boyfriend being obnoxious, and then the whole ordeal with her clawing and crying on him.

The fact that she was a fatty just adds to the discomfort of the whole thing.

And yes, while I would tell ANY girl to get off of me if she was doing that, regardless of weight, I would much prefer a thin one to do it because it'd be a little less disgusting.

Being repulsively corpulent is NOT NORMAL.

Do you think because ONE OF THE COMPLAINTS was that this person was fat, that the whole entire reason the OP complained is because of that?

If you do think such, then you believe in the superficial. Worthless.

You'd thin that in a country where it's SO socially unacceptable to be fat, people would be AFRAID to get so incredible rotund. So much for peer pressure working for anything useful.

| | Email | 05.31.09 – 1:42 am | #


Tony June 13, 2010 at 2:47 am

All FATTIES should be put in the cargo hold!


College Kid November 8, 2010 at 12:50 pm

all fatties should be ground up and used as pig fodder.


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