[Mature content]
I was on a flight from Dallas to DC, and I got stuck in the middle seat due to last minute changes. As usual, whenever I get stuck with a middle seat, a very large person gets the seat next to me. I am a male with a muscular upper body, so I take up my whole seat. As soon as I got my seat belt fastened, here comes this 350 lb woman and sits down next to me in the aisle seat. She had 3 carry on bags. The first oversized one she stuffed in the overhead after several minutes of effort. The medium one she stuffed under the seat, and her purse she sat on the armrest so it gouged my ribs.
I was just about done adjusting myself so that I wasn’t getting gouged, when she opened her purse and pulled out a day’s worth of food. She proceeded to have a feeding frenzy, constantly hitting me in the ribs with her elbow. This went on for about half an hour.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, she reached in her purse and pulled out a book on sexual positions. I am totally serious. She read the book for a while, and then she seemed to be getting aroused. She kept looking over at me and making me totally uncomfortable. At this point, I was about halfway in the window seat, and the person in that seat was giving me dirty looks.
I was very glad when we landed.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
how big was this purse? she is a large person and prob eats more than average, so how would it be a full days worth of food in a purse that probably had other items in?
Can't believe the OP didn't even ask the lady about the caloric value of her food and whether this meal was equivalent to a typical day's food intake…
Probably portable crap… Twinkies, Devil Dogs, Yankee Doodles, etc…the stuff that makes her what she is today… and I'm sure she washed it down with a diet coke to watch the calories 🙂
You should have joined the mile high club with her. Could have had a threesome (you, her and one of her sandwhiches) Once you crowbared her into the lav of course.
I got turned on reading this.
Was it a special book on sexual positions for "persons of size?" HAW HAW HAW
Ewww. I’m sorry OP. Was this a while ago?
You can be lucky she didn't attempt to sit on your face, you would have your nose broken in three paces.
or die of suffocation when she can't get off of it