Eating Like A Praying Mantis

March 30, 2010

in Portly Stories

Dude… literally… have you seen the way Jaba the Hut sort of lays down sideways in the Star Wars movie? My last flight from Seattle to Frankfurt had me sitting right next to him. Not only was he huge, he also had the urge to use his wife as a pillow and sort of stretch himself all out at an angle. This left me a bit more shoulder room, but the leg room was cut in half, which he didn’t mind since he was obviously the type who doesn’t mind constant touching and leg-contact with strangers. He also wore a sort of camping/photographer’s vest with huge pockets full of crap that could not possibly fit in the seat with him and so ended up spilling over the seat onto my lap.

Once again, and as usual, I had to eat with my refined praying mantis technique of elbows tucked together and only forearms moving. I always get the sort of tunnel-eating involving large people to my sides with the seat in front of me leaned back, which leaves only a narrow tunnel of possible food travel from plate to mouth.

Thanks… it was nice to vent.

Gary E

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Clare March 30, 2010 at 10:29 pm

Since you had to eat Praying Mantis style you should have bitten his head off.


Analise March 31, 2010 at 3:34 pm

Good one Clare!


Bob June 11, 2010 at 8:31 am

Fat blobs are the best aisle mates to have. If your flight gets into trouble and crashes you need only to leap into one of the several available folds of flab and hang on, the grossly obese passenger will absorb all of the impact and you will be saved. If upon crash landing the aircraft explodes in flames merely slip in between two well greased folds of disgusting body flab and wait out the fire as the average fat slob body is equivilant to a two hour fire wall and by then the fire brigade will probably have extinguished the blaze. If your flight goes down over water a disgustingly overweight body will double as a life raft, just climb aboard and await rescue, if it is in a tropical clime the neck fat folds or man boobs can be used as an awning to shield you from the ghastly hot tropc sun. So you see it is always a bonus to have at least several morbidly obese blobs on each flight, in fact the airlines in their infinite wisdom most likely require a half dozen per flight for just such an occurence.


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