Passenger Hoodwinked Into Making A Bad Decision

November 20, 2009

in Odor Stories

I was on a Virgin Airlines flight from Tokyo to London back in ’99. At first I had this wonderful aisle seat and a sweet FA who had this wonderful British accent. I chatted things up for a bit with her and was then greeted by a Senior FA (an old hag BTW) who asked if I’d like to upgrade my seat closer to the front of the plane and that I’d be serviced by an even cuter FA and a sexy bombshell (her words) sitting next to me. I thought – sure… (I’m a guy… probably a very stupid one after you finish reading this). Worst Mistake Ever!

I get up there and it’s one of those seats where there’s only one other next to you. I sit down and get out a book. I really thought it would be a pleasant flight. Five minutes later this guy who easily weighs over 400 pounds shows up. You can see the reeking sweat thru his dark business suit. It was that obvious. The Senior FA looks at me and smiles… like a big F/U for flirting with the younger FA. I look totally confused and so she walks over and breaths into my ear with,”Oh, and you’ve got this bombshell to take care of you.”

I was like – OMG – can I go back. Nope – they’ve already switched up seats all over. I’m then subjected to the very long flight of this guy snoring, belching (god only knows what he ate in Tokyo), and above all farting his butt off the whole way. I’ve been in the Army and seen and smelled some rather horrid stuff – but this really was unbelievable. When he farted you could tell because (even in his supposed sleep) he would inhale this huge breath and hold it. Then it came – either the belch or the fart… usually the fart. He would wake up for all the meals and snacks and ‘re-fuel’ his ability to disgust me.

At the end of the flight he jumped up and said it was the best flight from Tokyo to London – ever. I looked at the Senior FA and just wanted to give her the finger and tell her what a complete nasty hag she’d been for the whole flight and what she’d done to me. However, the younger FA who initially engaged me in conversation caught up with me and said goodbye.

I thought – yeah, hopefully I can smell again soon after that horrid experience.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Demotage November 20, 2009 at 8:50 pm

Far from me to criticize, but it seems to me that if the "old" flight attendant treated you this way, you must have been being kind of a jerk to the younger one.


anon November 21, 2009 at 10:16 am

You are a superficial person, as evidenced from your use of "old hag". If that was you "Worst Mistake Ever" you must consistently make good decisions, though. At least you have that going for you.


debbie November 21, 2009 at 1:36 pm

WOW, your shallow!


Marie November 21, 2009 at 3:58 pm

Ha that's what you get for being a shallow jerk.

As a former flight attendant myself, I have to inform you that no, the FA doesn't really find you cute or charming. It's her job to make you feel like she does. She's really thinking, "God, I wish this guy would shut up so I can go do my job." Trust me.


MJ November 22, 2009 at 4:54 am

You know, the "OMG look at what I had to put up with sitting next to a fat, fat, fattie" stories are getting really tiresome. Thinner people sweat, fart, drool, belch, and manage to take up multiple seats as well.


ps November 23, 2009 at 5:06 am

You must really think you're great. This story is a riot. Are you really one of the Festrunk brothers?


Jodi November 23, 2009 at 7:26 am

OMG this was hilarious. I would love to meet the older FA that did this – she’s a hoot!


S.M. December 27, 2009 at 11:19 pm

LOL..if this is even true you know the guy must of did something to really P#SS of the FA's. He would of had to be a complete pig for them the FA to make any type of comment like that.


Bob July 18, 2010 at 12:01 pm

I figure that the old FA was the bulldyke and the passenger was hitting on her squeeze so she got even with this guy in the only way that the old hag/dyke could.


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