Tormented By A Lamb Chop Puppet

May 7, 2009

in Odds & Ends Stories

I was traveling with my wife on our honeymoon. This was to be two weeks in Greece and would require a flight from Charlotte NC to Philadelphia then over seas connection etc. I had booked first class seats throughout the trip, and had packed a carry on for a change of clothes for our arrival in Germany where we were to catch our last leg of the trip to Athens. I specifically had asked my wife to use the carry on that is TSA/FAA approved and even had her measure it to be sure it would fit in the overhead bins.

As we boarded the plane, we worked our way to the first class seat and I proceeded to place the bag in the overhead compartment and noticed the bins were smaller than usual. There was no way the bag was going to fit so I politely asked the flight attendant (a guy about twice my size) if he had any suggestions. He proceeds to berate me informing me “Sir the plane is not designed to fit your bag, your bag is supposed to be designed to fit the plane…. ” he proceeds to threaten me with expulsion from the plane and a $1000 dollar fine. He then tells me my only option is to check the bag and I responded with the fact that our connection was only about 30 minutes (thanks to US Air booking agent) and that if I did that there would be no way to retrieve the bag. I was then informed that wasn’t his problem. I smiled and told him how much I appreciated his help and handed him the bag to be checked. He then returns in a matter of a minute, bag in hand. He tells me he is going to do me a huge favor this time, and proceeds to put the bag in a cabinet 3 feet away from me.

I think from this point on the trip should be good…. I make the connection and board the overseas flight and again it is a first class US Air seat. I proceed to buckle up, the excitement building as we embark on our journey and as I lean my back against the seat I realize it is broken. The seat back reclines and will not stay up right. The stewardess informs me the flight is full and she is very sorry, but could I please try to sit up during take off. So I comply, thinking fortunately I plan to sleep so reclining won’t be a big deal. After take off, I attempt to raise the foot rest, of course reclining as that is my only option and realize the foot rest won’t raise. So for the next 6 hours I am laying back with my legs dangling. As they cramp up, my lovely wife is kind enough to massage the pooled blood back to my body, but all feeling in the legs are gone.

I will have to say our trip was fantastic once we arrived, but then came the flight home. In keeping with our plans again I booked a first class flight home but fortunately there was a direct from Athens to Charlotte and we were very excited about not having to make multiple changes, but it seems 10 hour flights do something to the staff on a plane. Not really sure if it requires medication or what, but as I was trying to sleep in yet another broken chair, the stewardess begins “entertaining” the passengers with a Lamb Chop puppet. I am suddenly awakened by the sounds of Lamb Chop in my ear and a sock puppet in my face asking me how I am doing, and this show goes on for hours.

I return home and begin making attempts to contact US Air to fill them in on my adventures with their airlines. If you haven’t tried doing this, it is very entertaining. You call a number that sends you to a web site to voice your concerns and there is never a response or a real person to talk to. Even if you call a booking agent they are unable to connect you to a real person. After a month of attempting to contact someone and get a response, I called a local business office and out the goodness of their heart they gave me a $25 gift certificate for my troubles.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

SAW June 1, 2009 at 2:17 am

Having flown all my life.. and on USAir.. I believe the part about the seat, but not much else. Probably why you got just $25. If you make more realistic complaints, you're likely to get more realistic compensation.


Frequent Flier June 1, 2009 at 7:25 am

SAW, I don't believe you have flown all your life. It's just not possible. And yes, you are an idiot.


Roto13 June 1, 2009 at 7:49 am

Ignore SAW, he's just a troll. He says the same stupid shit in every comment thread.

I can't believe US Air has the nerve to call that "first class."


Ted June 1, 2009 at 6:14 pm

I have Chairman status on US Air, unfortunately. Every thing you have said is entirely believeable. Anyone who has taken more than a couple of flights with them, know that it is the worst airline in the US. Yes, almost always, half the seats in 1st class are broken. Yes, the crews are the most ignorant – partly because of the ridiculous baggage allowance they have to enforce. I wish I lived in a place where getting on another airline was an option every two weeks. The "sunchips" they give you on a 2-3 hour flight are my favorites!!


skyguy July 14, 2009 at 11:32 pm

I was so disappointed when our beloved America West became US airways, The service is awful and the flight attendants are all unhappy. I hear they are losing jobs. Its hard to feel sorry for them, mostly I feel its about time.


Atari August 4, 2009 at 8:39 pm

The last time I posted here was — what, a couple months ago? And here we have SAW, a guy I remember, still posting his pretentious nonsense.

Once again, nothing in this anecdote was so incredible that a person would go through the trouble of fabricating it.


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