Grossed Out By Gas

August 9, 2010

in Odor Stories

Well, I guess it was just a matter of time before I had a story about a flight from hell I had.

I just returned from visiting my daughter in Myrtle Beach, S.C. The entire trip was perfect with the exception of a young kid seated in front of me during the Hartford to Charlotte leg of my flight on US Airways.

We departed Bradley International on time (1500) on 27 March. The weather was perfect for flying. Not a cloud in the sky, no heavy winds, no delays, perfect!! I would be in Myrtle Beach the day before my baby daughter’s 30th birthday. I boarded the flight with the rest of the coach class, ready for another cramped flight on an Airbus 319 (it was supposed to be a 737). Hey, what the hell, I thought to myself, it’s only 2 hrs. How bad can it be? That’s when the young man plunked himself into the seat in front of me, fighting with his brother over who was going to play with the Nintendo DS. Hey, what the hell, I thought to myself, it’s only a 2 hour flight. How bad can it be?

Then the flatulence started. I’m not sure which of the little darlings had a dinosaur crawl up his rear end and die the night before, but whichever one it was, he gleefully ripped one every 5 minutes for the entire flight!

Now before anyone condemns me for being too sensitive, I spent 20 years in the U.S. Navy, serving on 6 different ships and various shore commands, so I’ve experienced some pretty nasty things in my day. Never, ever had I smelled anything so vile come from a human being! This kid deserved an award for his farts!! He could have knocked a buzzard off a crap wagon at 30 paces!!

And he was punctual! Evey 5 minutes! Just as the green cloud had cleared our section and started heading for some hapless passenger seated aft of us, this farting machine would start to giggle and elbow his brother, letting him know we were in for another round of stomach turning fun courtesy of his digestive system. Perhaps it was the top quality grub served up at one of the fine dining establishments located throughout Bradley Airport, or maybe this kid had some bad enzymes in his stomach, but whatever it was, I can only say….. thank goodness I didn’t have to scrub the crust out of that kid’s BVDs after that flight. It must have required a level 1 MOPP suit!!

Oh well, I survived it only to get to my daughter’s house just in time to find out her one year old son had an upset stomach……. He was fine when I came back in the morning.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Hugh August 9, 2010 at 11:18 pm

Seriously?!?!? You have got to be kidding. Flight on time, no bad weather, but a young kid farted…THAT is your flight from hell?!?!?! Sir, I wish I had your life.


Jewy Jew Jewerson Go August 10, 2010 at 12:40 am


Not all flights are hellish based on your standards. This may not be the worst of the worst, but the flight was probably bad all the same. Be a mensch and give the guy a break.


Hugh August 10, 2010 at 11:23 pm

I'm giving him a break. I'm just saying that if this flight was his idea of hell, I want his life, because over all it must be pretty good.

BTW, nice name, nothing offense there at all.


Spicky Spick Spicker August 11, 2010 at 9:12 am

I have to wonder what your breath smells like and what your idea of hygeine is, Hugh, if you think that some punk spewing noxious gas is acceptable. Hope you dig my new nom de plume as well.


Hugh August 11, 2010 at 11:45 am

Please try reading next time. I NEVER said it was acceptable, simply that it is (in my opinion) far from hell.

Funny that I get constantly attacked for my posts, yet these same people seem fine with your juvenile, racist, hateful names.


Jodi August 10, 2010 at 4:43 am



Fran August 10, 2010 at 6:38 am

Sad to say I think the kid might be related to my family…..I have a nephew who, when young, could cause nose bleeds with his and sitting anywhere within "bombing" range was an automatic death sentence. You have my deepest sympathy's.


Clare August 10, 2010 at 8:00 am

Sounds as though the little brat was deliberately forcing himself to fart. Too bad he didn't soil himself. He probably wouldn't have found that too funny.


Hugh August 11, 2010 at 11:48 am

Very true…that would have been justice. However, little boys, as well as many much older ones find farts hilarious. Is it appropriate on a confined plane, no way. I think the parents should have stepped in. I wonder why the poster didn't say something to either the kids, parents or FA?


scott f. hiorns October 5, 2010 at 6:42 pm

I didn't say anything Hugh, because I found the entire situation hilarious. Which is why I posted it! I'm guessing you have no sense of humor. And yes, I'm one of those grown men who finds farts hysterical. Even at 50 years old. You need to loosen up, dude.


scott f. hiorns October 5, 2010 at 6:01 pm

C'mon hugh, i wrote that in a lighthearted sense. I thought it was pretty funny, even during the flight. You want a flight from hell story? Okay. I'll post one now. Look for it soon.

And yes, I thought the whole flight was hilarious. Sometimes in life, we need a sense of humor.


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