The “Virtual Marriage”

October 29, 2007

in Couples Stories

In 2004 I was on a flight from Houston to Phoenix returning from a business trip. I found myself in an aisle seat near the back of the aircraft sitting next to a nervous man who had never flown before. I assured him since the weather was good and we were on a “first-world” airline everything would be fine. Sit back, relax, enjoy the flight. My words fell on deaf ears. As soon as we took off the man stood up and tried to climb over me so he could get the pilot to turn the plane around. I gently pushed him back into his seat, got up and RAN to the back of the plane to the flight attendants. Mind you, we’re still in steep take-off mode. The flight attendants saw the look of near panic on my face and followed me back to my seat. My nervous seat-mate was now shaking wildly and in tears, fearful of the plane crashing. Two doctors on board were able to calm him down with soothing words and a mild over-the-counter sedative. I held his hand for the rest of the flight.

Anyway, turns out this guy was up to no good and his fear of flying was compounded by guilt. He told me he had met a woman on the internet and he was going to meet her in Phoenix. He and she had a “virtual marriage” performed online and were going to consummate the deal once he arrived. His real wife and three kids back in Houston had no idea he had flown the coop for this woman. He told me that the “virtual wife” was a prominent lawyer in Phoenix who had paid for his ticket. Once we landed, I walked with him to baggage claim where the “lawyer” met him with open arms. If she was a lawyer then I’m the Pope. This woman had never seen the inside of a law book. She had all the markings of someone in the adult entertainment industry. Big hair, super-buxom with clothes that barely covered anything. The only thing missing was the pole.

I did a triple eye-roll, picked up my bags and went home. The man had my email address but I never heard from him.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Josh April 2, 2009 at 10:35 am

Hey me and the babe are doin fine. Sorry for being so nervous, but those kids and my wife were cramping my style.

Thanks for the concern.

-Josh "Scaredy Cat" Wills


Belleweather April 2, 2009 at 11:01 am

Stranger than fiction.


Anonymous April 2, 2009 at 11:56 am

Because it probably was.


Jeff April 2, 2009 at 9:20 pm

What amazes is me is you didn't just knock him out in the first place…if some jackass tried to tell me his story I'd tell him to shove it up his ass, I fly to go places, not to hear people cry about life, hopefully he killed himself..


Rob April 3, 2009 at 1:54 pm

I know somebody whose mother did this. She was back within 3 days. I guess her beau didn't like what he saw. A destroyed 25 year marriage, and the scorn of her children and friends didn't really help her out in the self-esteem department.

Internet romance is fun.


Hugh Jass April 5, 2009 at 3:51 am



Joe Mama April 8, 2009 at 7:05 am

The story would have been funnier if the woman he was going to meet turned out to be a guy in drag.

On the internet, things aren't always as they appear!


Shamu August 30, 2011 at 1:03 am

Lol too true Joe who knows maybe "she" was like in Scary Movie 3


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