Stinkin’ Lincoln

November 15, 2009

in Odor Stories

Waiting in the Charleston West Virginia airport boarding lounge I noticed a tall bearded man talking loudly to the TSA personnel. I noticed he had a large stovepipe hat like the kind President Abraham Lincoln wore.

Later, seated on the plane, I noticed the same individual approaching my area. He was dressed in a 19th century dark blue velvet overcoat while at the same time holding a stovepipe hat. He looked like the spitting image of our great president, Abraham Lincoln. Except in blue jeans.

After he carefully placed his hat into its own overhead bin, he sat down across the aisle from me. We had eye contact and nodded to each other. Then the smell hit me. A smell unlike I’ve never smelled. A smell combining old tobacco, toe jam, and rotten meat. Immediately I considered moving the another part of the half full plane. I thought the smell would subside sooner or later… Read More.

“Hi,” he said to me. I returned the greeting. Not being raised to be a rude rube I asked him if he was a historical re-enactor. “No,” he said “We go by the title ‘Historical Actor’ now.” He went on to say “We don’t perform at children schools though.” I wondered if said that was in defense of his profession’s reputation or personal criminal record.

Meanwhile, my co-worker was taking his window seat to the right of him. As the flight attendants prepared for take off I suffered from this smell. I couldn’t believe the odor was not going away. While I like the smell of pipe tobacco, this variant was evil due to the added one-two punch of body odor and flesh rot. By the time I asked the flight attendant if I could move to a different part of the plane it was too late. She said once we were up in the air I could take a seat elsewhere. The seconds couldn’t pass by fast enough.

As the stench attacked my nasal cavities I glanced at my co-worker sitting next to the president-wanna-be. If his eyes could speak they would be saying, “Get Mr Lincoln off this plane!” The plane couldn’t get airborne fast enough. The smell was so bad, to this day, whenever I smell pipe tobacco, I immediately have a helping of rotting body odor added to it. Due to him, I will never have 100% pleasant memories of my favorite president, Abraham Lincoln, or pipe tobacco.

Finally, I was allowed to move to an empty seat up towards the front of the plane. I called over the attendant and asked her if she had also smelled “Stinkin’ Lincoln.” “Sure,” she said. “But he is nothing compared to the guy yesterday.”

Ken

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Qball November 15, 2009 at 6:55 pm

I've been cracking up over this story for the past several minutes. Well done and thank you.

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Marta November 16, 2009 at 6:13 pm

I have to agree with Qball, I kept howling with laughter just reading your description of Mr. Lincoln. I have a feeling that the next time I smell pipe tobacco I will bust out laughing just remembering your stinky Mr. Lincoln.

Thank you for sharing it.

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Demotage November 18, 2009 at 11:08 am

Probably he was taking his historic reenactment seriously, including bathing only once per month 😉

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