Big Guy Gobbles Brown Bag Lunches

July 1, 2010

in Portly Stories

A few years back, the airlines had a short stint where they had a big cooler full of brown bag lunches that you had to pick up on the way into the airplane. This was before they cut out in-flight service completely. This story happened at that time.

I was in Phoenix, traveling back home to Atlanta. I boarded, picked up my little brown bag with the dry sandwich and chips in it, and took my window seat. I was unfortunately on the three-seat side of the airplane. As the plane filled up, I was amazed to find that nobody took the middle seat next to me. This was going to be a decent flight, I figured. My lunch sack got stowed, as I always waited until the drink cart came before digging into one.

The doors closed, and the seat next to me remained empty – there appeared to be only a handful of empty seats, and I’d hit the jackpot. Time dragged, they waited and waited, and we were told that technicians were working on some issue with the pilot’s seat. Twenty minutes or so passed.

Then came the sound of the door opening, and down the aisle came every traveller’s worst nightmare – a HUGE man, easily topping 300 pounds. He was holding (kid you not) SIX of the brown-bag lunches. As he squeezed his way down the aisle, the fellow in the aisle seat of my row looked at me, and I at him – we knew our luck had turned. Sure enough, the huge fat guy was in the middle seat. He sort of oozed in, and oozed well over the armrests on either side.

The airplane still didn’t push back – it took another 20 minutes or so. During this time, the guy ate every one of the lunches he’d brought on board. Then, he looked at the one I had stuffed in the seat pocket in front of me and said, “you going to eat that?” Yes, dammit – if I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t have got it!

During the flight he complained to the flight attendant three times about being hungry, and kept asking if they had any more sandwiches. I spent the flight huddled against the window, occupying at best two thirds of the seat I’d paid full price for.

{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Tom July 1, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Yes, I remember those days of the brown bag meals. I took one once and it was so nasty I never took one again. Had I known that me not taking it was encouraging the fat guy to eat more I would have certainly scooped it up every time.

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Bob July 1, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Tom, please go easy on the name calling. That guy was probably suffering from a "glandular condition" or perhaps he was just "big boned" at any rate calling him "the fat guy" is out of line. In the future please go with something more p.c. such as dimensionally challenged or perhaps weight impaired or my personal favorite "disgusting fat body". Seriuosly though I wonder when the airlines will figure out a way to charge the obese among us for the actual space they take up instead of letting the porkers use half of the tiny seat that I paid for. Maybe we should be charged by weight since the airlines are always crying about the price of fuel and I am confident that flying Mr. Heavyweight from N.Y. to L.A. costs substantially more that flying Mr. Average the same distance.

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Tom July 2, 2010 at 5:23 am

Hey Bob, one thing you should know about me: I have never been nor will I ever be politically correct. But, if your description "disgusting fat body" is p.c., then count me in! I love that one.

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Bob July 6, 2010 at 8:15 am

I believe it is called sarcasm.

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ps July 5, 2010 at 2:40 pm

I love it… glandular condition.. hahaha.. I think wolfing down all the brown bag contents 5 times over plus maybe some seat fabric kind of points to "LIFESTYLE CHOICE"…. whattaya think?

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Broomflyer July 2, 2010 at 1:10 am

After he asked for my lunch I would be afraid he would start eating ME!

I, too have ridden with the Fattest Man In Italy and it was an out and out horror show. Fat people SHOULD be charged more and for a bigger seat, whether it is their 'fault" they are fat or not. I have long legs (not my fault, lol) and unless I can get a seat with lots of legroom I make very sure that they are not taking up more than their share of room with my fellow suffering travellers. A little courtesy in what could be a flying deathtrap is definately needed.

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annon July 2, 2010 at 1:18 am

Bob…The guy was a FAT TUB OF LARD!. Glandular condition..Big boned..lol

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Josh July 2, 2010 at 3:01 am

I don't know. If I remember correctly, the airlines were pretty strict about 1 meal per person. I don't believe they'd let the guy take 6 of them…

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Tom July 2, 2010 at 5:28 am

Josh,

If memory serves me correctly those coolers used to sit right inside the jet bridge doors and they were pretty much unattended. And if this porker waited to board the flight until the lat minute I'm sure no one cared how many bags he grabbed because by that time everyone who was going to get one had already done so.

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Eric July 3, 2010 at 3:10 am

It's amazing that Baby Huey had the chutzpah to ask you for your lunch after inhaling six already.

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Laura July 5, 2010 at 12:27 am

"Are you gonna eat that?" – my lifestyle statement.

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HAZELEYES July 8, 2010 at 4:57 pm

TO EVERYONE ABOVE THAT HAD NEGATIVE TO SAY ABOUT SOMEONE THAT IS OBESE. ALL OF YOU NEED TO FURTHER EDUCATE YOUR SELF AND UNDERSTAND THAT OBESITY IS A DISEASE, JUST LIKE CANCER, JUST LIKE AIDS. IT SLOWLY KILLS THE PERSON SUFFERING FROM IT. INSTEAD OF TALKING MESS ONLINE ABOUT ENCOUNTERS THAT YOU HAVE HAD WITH SOME ONE SUFFERING FROM OBESITY MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE PRODUCTIVE AND TRY HELPING. I AM PRETTY SURE ALL OF YOU THAT HAD SOMETHING NEGATIVE TO SAY ABOUT AN OBESE PERSON IS NOT IN PERFECT SHAPE OR CONDITION. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE SKINNY DOES NOT MAKE YOU HEALTHY. SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE BODY ODOR..BAD BREATH, OR MAYBE YOU ARE JUST PLAIN UGLY WHO KNOWS…. JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO GO HARD ON SOMEONE SUFFRING FROM OBESITY.. YOU BUNCH OF DUMB FUCKS.

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Tom July 8, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Calm down there doughboy. No reason to get so excited. You should realize that the guy that wrote this story did help this fat guy. He helped him by not giving him his sandwich. I know the guy was fat, but did he really need another sandwich?

I also have to admit that I used to be a fat guy myself. When I started to fly a lot several years ago I decided it was time to lose some weight because I was uncomfortable and I felt bad for crowding my neighbor in the seat next to me. On some long flights I even did the responsible thing and bought two seats. But eventually I lost weight and now I fit comfortably in those seats. So maybe this fat guy needs to take some responsibility and do the same thing instead of asking for more food.

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rerere July 8, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Watch the potty mouth. I agree with you, but we do have some mental/anger issues here that are worse than obesity. I would reccomend a good anger managment class, or, just go to a mental hospital.

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Eric July 29, 2010 at 4:53 pm

Doughboy. HaHaHaHa!

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Kyle April 2, 2011 at 2:32 am

Eating 6 times the amount of food a normal person receives is not obesity, it is being a pig. If Mr Porky eats six bags of salad at least he is trying. And if you actually have a medical problem (hint eating a lot and becoming a porker is not a medical problem) then i don’t think eating 6 bags and attempting the seventh will help him with his medical problem.

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Hack October 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Hey there Hazeleyes, NO NEED TO WRITE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS DOUGHBOY! GO HOOK UP WITH YOUR FRIEND SPRINGS1 AND SHUT IT!!
Thanks,
Everyone who read your comment

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Waldi July 9, 2010 at 1:45 am

Obesity is not a disease! It's not having willpower and being lazy! I developed a drinking habit which culminated into having at least two drinks and 4/5 beers a day. One day I realised that I became an alcoholic because I drank it like water and stopped dead on: Throwing all liquor bottles and remaining beer cans in garbage can. Purchased a water cooler and 5 gal. water bottles. Guess what? Water started to taste just as good as champagne.

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Waldi July 9, 2010 at 1:53 am

BTW: If you don't believe it, my wife of 8 years can testify to it.

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HAZELEYES July 9, 2010 at 7:16 am

SOME OF YOU NEED HELP…… BTW OBESITY IS CONSIDERED A DISEASE BECAUSE IT LEADS TO OTHER HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT CAN KILL YOU…..CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE..STROKE….HEART ATTACKS…. I MEAN I SEE YOU HAVE INTERNET ACCESS BECAUSE YOU ARE POSTING ON THIS SITE SO WHY DONT YOU GOOGLE IT FOR GOODNESS SAKE. ALL FAT PEOPLE ARENT LAZY EITHER… YOU ALL ARE SIMPLE MINDED….. LMAO

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Tom July 9, 2010 at 10:36 am

I think being fat as a disease is a crock of crap. When I was fat I had high blood pressure and sleep apnea. Since losing weight I no longer have either problem. It may be the cause of other problems, but obesity by itself is not a disease.

I do have one question for you Hazeleyes. Are you typing in all caps because you're pissed off and you are yelling at us, or did some of those crumbs from all those airplane sandwiches get caught under your caps lock key and caused it to jam in the on position? If that's the case try using some of that canned air to blow them out.

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Eric July 29, 2010 at 4:59 pm

Tom, you're the limit, bud. That second paragraph was great.

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HAZELEYES July 9, 2010 at 11:10 am

@ TOM, THE CAPS ARE SO THAT SIMPLE MINDED PEOPLE SUCH AS YOUR SELF DONT MIX UP THE LETTERS CAUSING IT HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING. I AM A HEALTH PROFESSIONAL FYI. AND YOU CONTRIDICTED YOUR SELF YOUS SAY OBESITY ISNT A DISEASE YET YOU LISTED OF SEVERAL COMPLICATIONS THAT YOU HAD WHEN YOU WERE SUFFERING FROM IT…THE CURE? UM YOU LOST WEIGHT!!! DUH… AND AS FAR AS THE CRUMBS ON THE KEYBOARD THING…THAT WAS A STRETCH..YOU ASSUME THAT BECAUSE I AM DEFENDING THE OBESE THAT I AM OBESE. WELL YOU CAN ASSUME WHATEVER YOU WANT I AM COMFORTABLE IN MY SKIN. IM WONDERING @ TOM…ARE YOU ONE OF THE MANY THAT ARE UNEMPLOYED RIGHT NOW CAUSING ME TO HAVE TO PAY IN MORE TAXES TO HELP SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY? IS THAT WHY YOU HAVE THE TIME TO COME UP WITH CLEVER THINGS TO SAY? JUST A THOUGHT…..

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Tom July 9, 2010 at 11:41 am

The smartest man I ever knew, my grandpa, once told me that you can't argue with stupid, and as usual he was right. So, just know that I am typing very slowly here so maybe you can understand.

Me being fat was not a disease, it was the cause of other things which could have lead to disease. It's kind of like driving at night without headlights. That is not an accident, but it very likely will cause an accident. The easy remedy is to turn the lights on. Just like losing weight (which by no means is easy) can remedy these health issues. At least me losing weight remedied my issues. So don't be confused about whether or not being fat is a disease.

I'm also perplexed that you get upset that I assume you're fat, but then you assume I am unemployed. Not that it is any of your business, I can definitely tell you that I am not unemployed and I have never taken a cent from taxpayers like yourself. So calm down there Hoss and don't be so upset with all of us for talking about fat people on a blog about flights from hell. This whole thing is all in good fun. You may try the typing like a normal person from now on. It may be kind of therapeutic for you.

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HAZELEYES July 9, 2010 at 1:50 pm

WELL IF YOUR GRANDPA IS ANYTHING LIKE YOU…THEN I DOUBT HE HAD ANY SMARTS AT ALL…. TAKE IT HOW YOU WANT TO TAKE IT. I ALSO DOUBT THAT YOU LOST ANY WEIGHT…IM PRETTY SURE YOU ARE STILL OBESE AND YOU USE TALKING ABOUT OTHER OBESE PEOPLE AS A COVER UP TO MAKE YOUR SELF FEEL BETTER… YOU ARE PROBABLY THE TYPE OF OBESE PERSON THAT FEELS SINCE YOU ARE SLIGHTLY SMALLER YOU ARE NO LONGER OBESE…CHECK YOUR BMI AND IM SURE IT WILL RING OUT A DIFFERENT STORY… ANYWAYS…BE EASY YOU FOLKS….

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Tom July 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm

Hazeleyes, I'm going to now have to agree with rerere above where he/she mentions anger management classes for you. It may be time to look into attending one of these. It seems you really have some major issues with this whole fat thing.

As far as my personal BMI is concerned, when I started a diet 3 1/2 years ago I was at a 46. Yep I was a fat guy. I am now at a 26. My goal is 23. I have been working closely for 3 1/2 years with my Doctor, a Dietician and a really great Personal Trainer. I also have been hitting the gym regularly since I began this weight loss program. There is nothing easy about it but it has changed my life. I'm sorry if you can't put up with a little fun and a few sarcastic remarks about fat folks. But, since I am a recovering fat guy I feel perfectly fine about making the comments. So my recommendation to you is to not look at this blog anymore. And at some point you may also want to consider putting the sandwich down.

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KM July 19, 2010 at 5:36 pm

Hazeleyes, you said your piece, and it was shot down being ridiculous by a number of posters. So please, just accept that you are probably in the wrong here, and stop posting. And if you continue to post, please don't use all caps. It is quite annoying.

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KM July 19, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Oops – "as being"

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Howie Feltersnatch July 10, 2010 at 9:51 am

HAZELEYES is big boned.

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rerere July 10, 2010 at 11:16 am

I think we can all agree that HAZELEYES is a t o o l

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Shamu July 16, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Hazeleyes mummy forgot to change his diaper

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Chris August 12, 2010 at 5:54 am

Are you gonna eat that?

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ROFLMAO!!!!

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