Foot Sandwich

April 25, 2009

in Passenger Stories

This occurred on Dec 18th, 2006 it’s gross and crazy:

Ok I’m on my way back home from St. Louis today and American has done me a big favor today…..cheap upgrade to first class….YAY!!!…..so after a long night of talking and gossiping at the family reunion I’m ready for a huge nap…..so I get a drink of water and die…..

I wake up an hour or so later feeling spry and happy…..only to look over at the man next to me, who is in the isle seat with his FOOT in his MOUTH….no shit readers …….immediately I believe I have to be dreaming……shake my head a few times and the obligatory pinch …..nope I’m awake and this sick mother fucker is CHEWING on his toes…..thinking what I need to say to this freak of nature…..I take a deep breath and turn to him ….

SO being me I ask him in a loud voice “What the f$%k are you doing?” and his answer is “I do yoga.” Someone please explain to me what the fuck athlete’s foot breath is trying to explain with that statement. All I could do is look out the window to try to control my anger…..then I look at the area between me and him to see a pile of skin and nails he has gnawed off during my nap…right beside my water glass…..now when I say a pile I mean skin pieces larger than a quarter…..Now I’m pissed!!!

So I say to him “Get your f%$king foot out of your mouth, clean this shit up and don’t say a word to me or I’ll hurt you!!!”

I guess I offended him cause he puts back on his socks/shoes, doesn’t say a word and moves across to the other isle seat ….which was great except I look at his area and think what is growing on the leather…the scary part is before he leaves he pulls out a zip lock baggy with other “parts” in it from his feet and includes his latest tasty bits….now I ask all of you is this some new health food crazy or snack for later…..or do you think he will sacrifice the parts to his god in some ceremony later…

For the record most people are weird and stupid…but HE was just plain old gross…..I bet he has not bathed in a month……god I need a bath now….the stewardess apologized as I left the plane……EEEWWWW…..

Off to my last flight home…..damn can life get any weirder….

One closing thought now when anyone asks me a dumb question or I just don’t want to answer the response is “I DO YOGA!!!”

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Janeda L. Kretzinger April 4, 2009 at 5:09 am

I might have shared this story with others if it hadn't been for the profanity. I t made it lose it's impact and you lowered yourself to his level. you should have just called for a flight attendant and got moved to another seat.

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Chuck April 4, 2009 at 4:46 pm

I'd say he is weird but the again, you've probably seen them all!!

People that make a scene on an airplane bother me though. We are all just trying to get somewhere so why does some person have to freak out and make our lives miserable just because they have a problem? JUST BE YOURSELF! You will be OK when you get to your destination!

Just my thoughts on this matter

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Devin April 5, 2009 at 4:08 am

You have a foul mouth.

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Trent April 5, 2009 at 5:19 am

HAHAHAHA. Sorry to hear your story but it is awesome!

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Twilighthan April 5, 2009 at 6:59 am

I cannot believe you would threaten someone for obviously what is some mental disorder. You are rude and obnoxious and need to get off your high horse. You are also obviously mentally challenged if you are stupid enough to threaten someone on a flight.

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Claire April 5, 2009 at 7:22 am

Really? I thought it was pretty funny. Profanities are a linguistic expression of emotion, highlighted by the use of strong consonants. Nothing wrong with that.

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Jacqueline harris April 5, 2009 at 9:07 am

you ruined your story with all the profanity. The story could have been told a lot better than that.

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Deelee April 6, 2009 at 12:32 pm

This story seems way too made up. I seriously doubt it happened.

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Anonymous April 6, 2009 at 3:45 pm

i love your story

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Sampson April 7, 2009 at 1:00 pm

You're an asshole. You should learn some fucking yoga.

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Hugh April 9, 2009 at 1:44 am

Sure, he was gross, but YOU handled it the wrong way. I wish he would have punched you and broken your jaw to shut you up. He obviously had smoe mental issues, and trying akinder approach first might have been better, you douche-bag!

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Marc April 12, 2009 at 11:06 am

You need to get over yourself. Sure it is not what you are used to seeing on an airplane or anywhere else in public, but you acted like a fool and your foul mouth and profanity is nothing better than what he did. I laughed. Not at your story, but you!

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Craig April 14, 2009 at 3:50 pm

I am inspired. I am so tired of letting people get away with srewing up my flights that it is time to retaliate. As someone who logs over 20 hours per month in an airplane, it is time to speak up and let these losers know what is on my mind. I am tired of being polite. The PC people have pushed me over the edge.

Craig in Scottsdale

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Shannon April 15, 2009 at 7:25 pm

Twilighthan: You seriously think this guy had a mental disorder? You're an idiot.

If I had seen someone chewing on their feet and leaving the debris next to me I would have begun gagging. The guy would have stopped and moved out of fear he was going to get puked on.

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Behemoth April 16, 2009 at 10:25 am

Brilliant story, and excellent close. I swear, next time I don't want to answer someones questions directly I'll say 'I do YOGA!'…We should start a friggin nationwide movement. It could be the next craze.

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Laura April 17, 2009 at 8:15 am

Sorry about your luck there, but made for a damn funny story. I liked the profanity – sounded like the way I'd tell a story! He's lucky you didn't punch him, but I'm sure you didn't want to touch his foul body. So disgusting. And I'm totally going to say "I do yoga" from now on too, when asked a stupid question.

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Rob April 25, 2009 at 4:39 pm

People here are worried about profanity?

A quick f*** off spares me an essay worth of explanation, and thus, is very efficient. It helps me to remain serene and balanced.

I do Yoga too now. I find it very comforting. Especially when bible thumpers come to my door. Yoga is a four-letter word ya know.

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None April 27, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Classless. I couldnt get through it because of the profanity.

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iamdogmatic May 5, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Asshole. Yes you are an Asshole

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Atari May 31, 2009 at 9:05 pm

The profanity – and this is coming from a guy who does not swear or condone it – was really the funniest part of this.

The fifteen-year-old valley-girl speech is what ruined it for me.

"Like, OOOH MUH GOOOOSH!"

Yeah, really mature; we're all rooting for you, now.

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