DWF, Or Why Not To Do Jager Shots Before Getting On A Plane

April 25, 2009

in Passenger Stories

So here is why you should not be drunk while flying, DWF. I was flying out of Seattle to Denver, the flight was 2/3 full but I was the only one in my aisle. I thought I may get lucky and have plenty of room to stretch out.

Just before the doors of the airplane where shut, my rowmate gets on the plane. A young blonde women dressed in a Kanga hat, long felt trench coat, knee high boots and gaucho pants. Semi stylish. First observation is that she is very happy coming down the aisle. Second observation is that she reminded vaguely of Courtney Love.

Well she gets to row 31 and I get up out of the aisle seat to let her get to her seat, 31A. I notice immediately she reeked of alcohol. It has been 15 years since I have had Jagermeister but she smelled liked Jager.

She takes off her coat, situates herself in her seat and starts talking a mile a minute. First of all she asks when do we get to Phoenix. At that point, I tell her we are going to Denver. She says that Denver is OK. At this point, I am trying to limit conversation with her because she is blasted and it is no fun to talk to someone who is blasted unless you are similarly blasted. Right as we are pushing back from the gate, she says very loudly “I have to pee.” She gets out of her seat. Before I can get out of the seat belt and stand up, she starts climbing over my lap, says “don’t worry I will straddle you,” gets to the aisle and heads to the bathroom.

Well, she comes back a couple minutes later with the stewardess following. She is apologizing and the stewardess tells her it is ok. She sits down, the plane taxis/takes off and she goes to sleep. At this point, I think everything is cool. I can read and listen to my ipod in peace.

About 3/4 into the flight, she wakes up and asks me how much longer until we land. I say 30 to 45 minutes. Man her eyes were a mess. I then noticed she was fidgeting about. She took off her coat a covers up her chest and lap and then fidgets some more. She then moves over to the middle seat and puts something in her purse.

In all of this movement, her coat had slipped and I saw an exposed outer thigh on her right leg. This was weird because I knew she was wearing gauchos early. I then realized she had taken her pants OFF. I am trying to ignore her at this point and focus on my book. She then confirms that her pants are gone by taking her long coat off her lap and putting it on and buttoning it up. At this point we are starting to descend into Denver, she asks to get up to go to the restroom.

Instead of going to the bathroom, she wanders up and down the aisle, finds an empty seat and sits down. At this point, I am like good riddance but she was acting really weird.

I then look over at seat 31A and notice a rather large dark spot in the seat. Fucking A, this women has PEE’D herself during the flight, taken off her pants, and was lucky enough to have a long coat to cover up.

So in the future, if I am next to a drunk on a plane. I may get up and switch seats or get off the plane. FYI, I let the woman leave the plane and then I told the stewardess about 31A. I would hate for anyone to have to sit in that seat.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Ryan April 5, 2009 at 1:18 pm

I'm glad you are no longer a pilot, because your attitude towards flight attendants is very insulting and ungrateful, considering we are the ones who take care of you during the flight when you are crammed up in the flight deck.

I mean it's one thing to have a few bad experiences, but to talk about all FAs in the way that you do just plain sucks.

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jenkins April 8, 2009 at 5:12 am

dude you shoul've taken advantage of the fact that she wanted to straddle you, mot to mention the fact that she was sitting there with her pants off!

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Joe Mama April 8, 2009 at 7:21 am

Ryan, WTF are you talking about? Are you responding to the correct story?

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Laura Cardwell May 27, 2009 at 10:34 pm

Wow that's pretty awesome!

Glad you were good natured about it and didn't flip out at the flight attendants.

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dougray September 23, 2009 at 8:01 pm

It probably was Courtney Love.

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