Chewin’ Tobacco

October 3, 2008

in Senior Stories

I had an out-and-back, a one day round-trip flight for a business meeting, that was three hours each way. I had a window seat on a full flight and was pleased when a rural friendly-looking elderly couple sat down next to me; Harold (not his real name) sat next to me and his wife took the aisle seat.

This was their first airplane flight and Harold was nervous. Apparently, when Harold got nervous, he talked incessantly. His mouth was full of chewin’ tobacco so when he talked I was inundated with a rain of soggy brown speckles. Since I was not staying overnight I had no change of clothes, and I had put my jacket in the overhead bin, so my white shirt was becoming patterned in a disgusting manner. Harold was very apologetic, but that didn’t stop him.

I kept politely asking Harold to face forward when he talked, but his memory was short. His wife kept yelling at him to stop his behavior, and she apologized to me over and over again. But whenever we succeeded in getting Harold to stop, it would only last a few minutes. He would begin by apologizing and talking to me while facing forward, but before long I was getting sprayed again. And when I’d hold a magazine up to block the spittle, he never seemed to take the hint – I had to ask him to stop.

When I got to my destination I had to rush to a men’s store and buy a new shirt, trashing the old one. I was late for my meeting but I had a good excuse and a great story to tell.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Big D April 2, 2009 at 1:03 pm

Well, you are obviously a pussy. You should have punched Harold in the mouth.

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Collin April 2, 2009 at 7:26 pm

You actually asked this guy to 'look forward when he talks'?!?

Damn! That's funny! You are a total dickweed, but that is great.

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Linda April 2, 2009 at 7:49 pm

lol poor man (to both of you). Perhaps the next time you encounter this (I hope not, knock on wood), you can suggest chewing gum instead of the tobacco he had in his mouth.

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jag April 2, 2009 at 7:50 pm

you think that was a great story to tell. you must have a pretty lame life.or was the real story you got to buy a new shirt without totally pissing off your overbearing wife.such a total geek.

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MJ April 3, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Ew. It seems kinda wrong that he could dip on a plane…

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last boyscout April 3, 2009 at 3:43 pm

So you let the old guy spit on you. Too bad he didn't piss on you.Now that would have been a good story, not a great one. And what's with throwing away the shirt? Doesn't your wife do laundry?

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Curtis April 9, 2009 at 8:28 am

We have a few Tom, Dick, and Harry detectives above. Did you all have a bad day, do you feel better now?

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jimbob April 17, 2009 at 12:23 pm

maybe you could have used your purse to block the spit homo!

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Atari May 30, 2009 at 9:48 pm

I don't understand. Why is everyone angry with the OP?

S'just a story. Chill out, you petulant losers.

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piers June 5, 2009 at 3:47 am

i agree with atari. what a bunch of brutally inane and idiotic verbal diarrhea from a bunch of miserable, worthless hardons. get a life, people.

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Icalasari July 27, 2009 at 6:50 pm

It feels as if people from FML are commenting here. I keep on expecting someone to say, "YDI for wearing a white shirt" >.>

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College Kid November 5, 2010 at 10:23 am

virtual meetings for the win

out and backs are vestigial

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