Passenger Issues
MR. MUTTERRight before boarding a flight from SEA to PHX, my daughter handed me a sub sandwich and a bag of chips for the trip. Once on board and seated next to the window (I usually request an aisle seat, but the aircraft type had changed), I dug out my book and began to relax. A few minutes later another man stopped, looked at me, then at his ticket, and stated loudly that he ALWAYS got a window seat. I mentioned the change of aircraft type, which didn't help the matter. When I didn't budge, he sat down in the middle seat (the one he'd been assigned) and continued to grumble aloud. He then stopped the flight attendant who graciously apologized but gave him the same explanation as I did. She departed for the mandatory cabin check and he continued his muttering, cursing everything and everyone associated with the airline, the flight staff and the Pope, the Queen, and the President. After 20 minutes or so he drifted off to sleep, and I went back to my book.
About two hours into the flight I reached for the sub and the chips, and was quietly munching away when Mr. Mutter awoke, still damning the corporate airline world. He looked at me, looked at the pax(?) across the aisle, and started his nonsense again. Leaning closer to me than I cared, I simply held up the sub and stated: "Looks like I got the last one", and continued to finish the meal. He pushed the call button and accused the poor flight attendant of not making sure there was enough food to go around, and what was she going to do about it? The poor perplexed FA had no idea what he was talking about, but offered to bring him a bag of nuts. This brought on another muttering outburst that lasted until final approach in PHX. He jumped up and was out of the plane as soon as the doors were opened. I stopped to explain to the FA what it was all about which brought a smirk then a slight giggle to the crew. 8/08 | <<Latest Stories | <<Home
YAPPING AIRHEAD'S AUDIBLE ASSAULTS
my weekly travels from Dallas to LA have been somewhat uneventful for the most part until american started getting cheap... between the chaos of american and the summer travels, the last couple of months have been horrible as far as seating or the ability to change it...
...so I board and sit with my NOISE CANCELLING headphones on... I hear this really piercing obnoxious voice coming from above... I look up as a natural reaction to the stupidity and loudness of what is being said and I see this younger girl of about 18 or 19 yapping about various mindless things without taking a breath... she was telling her travel mate (whom the whole plane will learn minutes later that he is homosexual) about her travels to south america or mexico or somewhere... I didn't think much of it, it is natural for people to try and solicit attention... both travelers ended up sitting two rows behind me and to my surprise this girl never stopped talking for a second not even to take a breath... from statements like "like o my gawd..." to the f bombs she continuously dropped, she covered the whole spectrum of obnoxious and stereotypical conversations you associate with air heads and dumb blonds as depicted in hollywood... she tried her best to be loud enough for everyone to hear her, I am assuming she thought she was interesting or cute or something... I felt bad for her because she had to do this to get attention... but this feeling soon dissipated as thoughts of silencing her by force or otherwise filled my head...
the few minutes we were asked to turn the electronic equipments off we were in hell... there was no protection from the torturous sound and mind numbing assaults... her traveling mate, while not less obnoxious, had a less audible sound... although we did hear what he was saying, his voice didn't pierce your brain... when she stopped to take a breath, he managed few words in. we learned that his mom was ok with him being gay and liked one of his boyfriends and that he has gone to south america... that is all he managed to say, those few words "literally"! the other 3.8 hours (we spent 40 minutes at the gate) were about she devil... the food cart didn't shut her up and neither one of them took a restroom break to give us a moment of silence... it was hell, my nerves were unraveling, I couldn't concentrate on reading, I couldn't sleep, I was getting exhausted. all I could do is fantasize about shoving something in my ears to stop the torture... no one around me said anything... so I thought it was all in my head, I was having this reaction because I concentrated on her, so it is all my fault for being a negative person... and the assault continued...
finally we stood up to de-board and I happen to make eye contact with the passenger across from me and I realized she was telling me something, she was saying "I will never complain about a toddler again"... suddenly voices from all around me got louder, people started making abusive comments at ear shot of the girl while looking at each others not at HER... I was too tired to join at this point but I was awed when I saw the business men join the verbal attacks... this almost never happen... in fact most of the people who were making the comments did not look like the type of people who will behave in this manner... I doubt the girl realized that any of what was being said was about her...
as I walked toward baggage claim "they" were there and I can see she was still talking (I am not sure how can that be humanly possible)... I seriously contemplated picking up my bag later... I figured the hour or so to rent a car, checking into the hotel, coming back and paying for airport parking was well worth it if it means never hearing her voice again...8/08 | <<Latest Stories
BOOKWORM PREVENTS SHUTEYE
Me and my family were going to Hawaii for Spring Break of 2006. It took about 12 hours to get there. Since it took so long we had to spend the night on the plane. So as I was trying to fall asleep, I couldn't because of a woman behind me and my family who, rather than going to sleep, ended up reading the whole night through. None of my family members got any sleep, including me. So as soon as we arrived in our Hawaiian hotel, we hit the sheets for the rest of the day instead of going out and exploring. It was terrible. People are really rude these days. 8/08 | <<Latest Stories
THE FOOT
I was on a flight from Frankfurt to Houston on Lufthansa; I was 13 and this was 2002 I believe. Anyways there was this other girl my age sitting next to me and her mother behind her along with her grandmother sitting straight behind me. The grandmother decided to stretch, putting her foot on my armrest. This wasn't your usual foot skin. This foot was black, extremely crusty, with very hard looking filthy toenails, and just the type of foot you would see in a horror movie, as if she had never worn shoes in her life and walked through dirt everyday that had set itself permanently on her skin (this lady was very light skinned so it's not like this was actual pigment). Anyways she sets it there and I didn't notice it until I put my arm on the rest and felt my arm being scratched by the foot. I asked the girl to translate to the grandmother if she could take her foot off, which she does.... for about 10 min. She puts the foot back on there, I call the flight attendant to do something about it, nothing happens since the lady doesn't speak English and her granddaughter didn't want to translate again. Anyways this whole 8 hr or so flight I couldn't sleep because every time I tried putting my head against the window and sleeping, there was the foot. Oh yeah, in addition this flight was delayed over 3 hrs due to mechanical problems where we eventually changed aircraft with no possibility to change seats as I was an unaccompanied minor. During the flight and the wait I had to put up with the disgusting foot a total of about 12 hrs...8/08 | <<Latest Stories
CIRCUS FREAK SHOWWelcome to the freak show, fellow passengers. Here's the circus I've seen - people are what makes flights from hell...
Passenger #1 - In the bulkhead - takes off his shoes, then proceeds to use the wall as some sort of foot scratching pad, rubbing his feet on every surface he could reach. He was amazingly limber as well, much to the disgust of the rest of us behind him.
Passenger #2 - Yes, we all saw you picking your nose and wiping it on the seat.
Passenger #3 - You were given a napkin, use it. But hey, if you want to exchange your pretzel and nut crumbs on the side of the seat with the previous passenger's boogies, feel free. I just hope you don't do the same thing when you're using the toilet.
Passenger #4 - OK, you were the 4th person to use the bathroom, and yet when I use it and pump the soap dispenser, I find out that it's still twisted shut. And people wonder why I don't like to shake hands....
Passenger #5 - Wow, I'm lucky to be next to you. A smoker, I see. The fact that you felt it necessary to marinate in an ashtray after being picked off the floor of the bar bathroom like a hyena rolling in zebra guts - is that just a little bonus for the rest of us who actually showered so that you can completely negate our efforts to be a hospitable seatmate? Why yes, I am turning all of the air vents to you in the vain hopes of not picking up your rancid, rotting scent.
Passenger #6 - Ooooh, you're soooo important. Just so you know, when I get off this plane, I'm going to follow you, take your cell phone, and beat you with it. Can you hear me now?! I realize you think that everyone really needs to hear the dealing & wheeling you're doing and that everyone on this plane is here to serve you - and that the rest of us are just too common for you to even acknowledge with a polite "hello" when you sit down, but let me assure you - we don't care. As a matter of fact, we hope that wherever it is you land, your wife is waiting with your bags packed and drops you off at a hotel by yourself, and that your boss tells you that you've been canned....and that you have to turn your cell phone in.
Passenger #7 - Bin space? Why no, I don't need any bin space. By all means, take your neatly folded overcoat, jacket, briefcase, gift box of chocolates, carry-on luggage (too large to fit short-side in) and newspaper and put it in the overhead. No need to account for anyone else! Oh, and no one is in a rush, either - feel free to take 20 minutes doing this. And if you wouldn't mind, could you clear your throat and give a self-important grunt/cough as you read the paper during the entire flight so that no one can sleep or have a disrupted thought? Oh, and tilt your seat back...more....a little more....there, perfect! No one behind you needed to have any sensation in anything below the knees.
Passenger #8: - Can you count? Really? Are you sure? Well, perhaps you would know that seat #35B is not directly behind seat #7A. Sure, the airline industry is full of tricksters, but the last time I checked, they didn't rearrange the seat numbers for the sheer joy of it - they are still in numerical order. So, you don't have to slowly make your way down the aisle, stopping and clutching at each and every seat as if you were playing duck-duck-goose (grabbing the unsuspecting head or hair of passengers as you do such), counting aloud the seat numbers and checking it against your ticket as though it would magically change. Sigh....I fly too much. 8/08
EARLY FLIGHT EPISODES
The first Southwest flight to Ontario, a weekday morning, was at 6 AM. Sitting in the bulkhead was a man, a woman and a young child. Just prior to the cabin door closing, the man and woman stood up, spread out a rug, kneeled down and prayed. The airline attendants were pleading with them to take their seats all to no avail until the couple finished their morning prayers. Just prior to the praying episode a late boarder plopped his body in the center seat next to me. He began opening and spreading his newspaper out so everyone in our second row was inconvenienced except him. Upon landing in Ontario, he pulled out his leather briefcase to find it covered in milk or formula from a child’s bottle in another row. He then proceeded to shake off the liquid onto my briefcase and my person. I just love it when these happen first thing in the morning. 5/08
Drunks created up in the air
American Airlines
LGA to West Palm Beach
March 27, 2008
Flight #1229 8:25AM
Last week I had the misfortune to be on your flight from JFK to WPB. I was seated in seat 23B right behind two men (row 22 seat A & B) that also boarded in NY. They were part of a group of about 8 men travelling to WPB. Just as we were seated they started shouting to each other and to their friends that were throughout the plane. Before the steward named "M" could get the cart down the aisle for drinks they demanded beers. Before their turn, as the cart started in the beginning rows, M gave them two beers each. By the time the cart came to our rows they were asking for two more beers and also bottles of alcohol. M gave them two bottles of liquor each. They paid $25 for their drinks. Unfortunately they were shouting to each other and kept lowering their backs of their seats and frequently getting up and down to either go to the bathroom or to visit one of their friends; each time they walked down the aisle they had drinks in hand.
Next when I saw M give them 4 extra bottles and not charge them, I asked M when did he think "enough was enough" as it was nine o'clock in the morning. He answered it was none of my business and to keep my nose out of it. The other steward, a woman named "D", sneered at me and passed me without asking me for a drink (of water) and when I did ask and told her she had missed me she told me " that I was too busy minding other people's business." I went without a drink the whole flight. I estimate they had 4 beers and 6 drinks each. The two men kept opening the overhead compartments and I worried something would fall on my head. By this time they had passed out and for an hour we had silence. When we landed their phones were on before the appointed time and they could hardly walk off the plane as they were still so drunk.
When I left I noted what went on to the pilot but he did not seem at all interested in what I thought was a big problem and was totally caused and encouraged by your flight attendants.
And the end of this story is that these guys were planning on renting a car at the airport. Unless the rental car agent was astute to how drunk they were, they probably got a car and drove off drunk. And American Airlines, if they killed someone, you are responsible. I do not know if the state of Florida has the same laws as New York but you would be as guilty as the killers.
There was absolutely no reason to keep feeding these guys alcohol and not think about your passengers around them who just wanted to read their newspapers for the short flight.
I intend to send the local newspapers in Florida, travel blogs and the FCC of your policy of really promoting alcohol consumption with no stop. Leaving up to M's judgment is a horrible mistake on your part.
I would really like those flight attendants cited for their disregard for safety and common decency to the other passengers and an apology from them.
Signed, V Ross
INTOLERABLE IMPERSONATOR
Tedious passenger... On a recent flight from Las Vegas to San Francisco there was a young guy seated three rows behind me who clearly believed that he was 'the next Rich Little', and how wrong he was! His loud, non-stop, awful vocal impersonations of - amongst others - Borat, Ali G, Eddie Murphy, George Bush, Simon Cowell, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Rock - impressed nobody but himself. What an idiot. 11/07 Signed, Nick M.
SKIERS GET TANKED, THEN THINGS REALLY GO DOWNHILL
Some years ago my husband and I signed up for an all-inclusive ski trip to Austria sponsored by a ski club in our area. I don't think it was a ski club - more like a drinking club from a local bar that decided Austria would be a good place to party. The flight over on Lufthansa was OK - it was a night flight and after a few cocktails and jokes the 50 or so fellow travelers all went to sleep. But the return trip - after a jovial week of skiing and partying - was a nightmare. A long afternoon ensued on the Lufthansa jet, where the club members stood in the aisles and drank beer after beer and recounted their skiing adventures. The flight attendants could not get these people to sit down; they got rowdier and rowdier as the long afternoon went on. They blocked my view of the movie screen; they wouldn't shut up. I was embarrassed that I even knew these people when I saw the other passengers all disgruntled and trying to disappear into their headsets and laptop screens. The final amazing feat - when the flight attendants refused to serve them any more booze, they simply went into the serving area and just helped themselves! I heard later that emergency crews were waiting at JFK just in case! 11/07
MAN WANTS TO TAKE A 30,000 FOOT STROLL
I was on a flight from Hong Kong to New York in first-class. It's a 14-hour flight and about 7 hours in, a man began getting up, walking to an area specifically for the flight crew and walking back. Soon, I noticed they were telling this man to take his seat and NO, he could NOT get off the plane. One of the stewardesses came up to the man sitting beside me (He was quite muscular and told me he had played football for Texas in college) and asked if he would watch the man and keep him from the door. She did this to all the men sitting in this section.
Turns out, 7 hours into the flight, this man was insisting on exiting the aircraft. We're thousands of miles in the air above Canada! So he stands up again, and the man beside me gets up and asks him to sit down. The agitated man grabs my neighbor's testicles and says, "F*** you!" My neighbor tells him to let go or he'll punch him. All the men are up now, pulling at the agitated man. My neighbor continues with what he promised and punched the agitated man in the head. The man begins bleeding, the men restrain him, and the stewardesses bring plastic to bind his arms.
My neighbor sits back down beside me and tells me everything that I couldn't see. Next thing we know, a stewardess is beside us handing him a bag. Inside the bag is an empty wine bottle. She tells him that if the man gets up again, he needs to be hit with the bottle. My neighbor tells her that's not necessary, but she can't take the bottle back - the captain has ordered her to give my neighbor this bottle.
The rest of the flight was fine. When we land, we're greeted by one ambulance, one federal air marshal vehicle, and eight police cars. 11/07
YAKKING YUPPIE
Here's a note scribed to my friends while I was on a cross country flight home recently:
Sitting on the flight home from Seattle just starting to doze... The poster boy for yuppiedom came from first class to chat with an elderly couple he knows sitting in the row in front of me. Plunked his bloated body in the row (Blackberry strapped to his side like Batman's utility belt) and keeps hitting my foot, which I'm now ready to jam into his shin.
Among the highlights:
If I hear the words "Venture Capitalist" one more time I'm going to gouge his eyes out.
My iPod is up to 11 and I can still here his incessant, self-absorbed droning.
His first-born spawn is applying to Yale and Johns Hopkins -- ooh my fingers are crossed! All he knows is that his boy "Is going somewhere nice."
When the flight attendant kindly offered to change his seat so he wouldn't be kneeling in the aisle, constantly having to rise and let people pass, he dismissed her and said, "I'm going to stay right here and talk to my friends." Subtext - I don't give a rat's ass about the 8 rows of people I'm irritating with my loud mouth.
Two more hours until landing...let's hope the beverage cart comes through soon or someone tells him to shut the f*+k up. 11/07
THE GOOD SAMARITANS
My son was about 16 and we arrived several hours early to ensure that we were at least fairly certain of getting into the "A" or "B" group on an airline that won't be named. We were proud of our hours of standing in line and the resulting fine boarding cards. We stood in line to make sure we had decent positioning as boarding took place and we did, indeed, get favorable seats--reasonably close to the front and together. Last passenger on: a lady with a child of about six. Too old to sit on laps, too young to be unattended. There were no two seats together. The attendent pleaded with us to change our seating. What was I to do? Teach my 16-year old son that, "We earned it, she is stupid for getting there late." Seemingly, the rest of the cabin decided that was the conclusion. Instead, I opted for, "Even though she is a selfish twit who can't get anywhere on time, even though she has a child to care for, we will be the Good Samaritans." As anyone can tell, it gets worse. The only two remaining seats were sitting backwards in the seats that face another three seats (I think they call it "club seating," but it is not "clubby" at all). Both of us in the middle. The lady across from me started retching loudly on the takeoff roll and did not stop until we pulled into our spot in Kansas City. All five surrounding my son were drunk, obnoxious and loud. 10/07 There oughta be a law. Signed, Bob from Kansas City, MO
UNGENTLEMANLY COLONEL SANDERS
LOOK-ALIKE
I was once on a flight from the Caribbean. After a long delay we were permitted to get onto the plane. It was totally crowded and it took quite a while to get everyone into their seats and prepare to leave. It was very hot outside and inside the plane was no better. The smells of unbathed sweaty people was overpowering and there was lots of kids and babies crying and such. After sitting for what seemed like an hour for some unknown delay, we were just ready to pull away from the gate when this older 'Colonel Sanders' looking fellow (yes, complete with the white suit, hat and long white goatee) stands up and loudly announces, "I am not going to sit another moment here amongst these darkies". You could hear a pin drop and everyone gasped at this fellow's extremely rude comment. The attendant quickly came back and removed him from his seat...for his own protection I think. I think he ended up in 1st class! 10/07
MISSED FLIGHT LEADS TO FIRST CLASS RAGE
I flew from Orlando to Miami one time back when a now-defunct airline had an hourly shuttle between the two cities on what they called the Sky Bridge, and what I called the worlds oldest 727's. My friend who was supposed to pick me up was late, so I watched as the passengers for the return leg loaded up, the door was closed, and the plane taxied away. About 5 minutes after that this man in his late twenties or early thirties comes running up to the gate while carrying one kid and dragging another. Both kids are screaming their heads off, but I manage to hear the man tell the airline rep he had seats on the flight that just left the gate. The rep nicely tells him that she's sorry but the plane is gone. Weekend Father gets really irate, so the rep actually gets on the phone to see what she can do. She hangs up the phone and explains to the guy that the plane was just cleared for take-off, but she can get them on the next flight in less than an hour. The dad starts screaming "BUT YOU HAVE TO BRING THE PLANE BACK! WE HAVE FIRST CLASS TICKETS!" I just about fell out of my seat laughing. I couldn't figure out who to feel more sorry for, the rep who went above and beyond, or the kids who were going to have to spend all weekend with this loser. I finally decided to feel sorry for the rep because she wasn't getting to go to Disney World. 10/07
BELLIGERENT PASSENGERS TAKE OVER AIRPLANE
I was 15 and flying alone from London to Orlando, and had to change planes in Miami. It was late evening and most of the plane was filled with families from Puerto Rico heading to Disney World. We didn't leave on time and were told the ground crew was working to get a cargo door shut. The flight attendants began dispensing beverages (full bar, of course...). We sat at the gate for 2 hours. By then, many of the adults headed to Disney were pretty well tanked. They started to get belligerent. Up and down the aisles, conferring among themselves. I was getting nervous. Then a couple of the men got into a shouting match with an attendant (in Spanish, I couldn't understand any of it). One guy goes up to the cockpit door and starts banging on it. The attendant runs off the plane. A guy from the airline runs on board and tries to reason with the drunks. They push him out of the way and now, they are trying to break into the cockpit, slamming their shoulders into the door, kicking at it, etc. I am in the back of the plane with a half dozen other terrified people. Finally, what looks like all of Miami airport's security force storms aboard. They handcuff and haul off the guys who were trying to break into the cockpit (I guess they wanted to beat up the pilot? who knows...). Their wives are beating on the police. Their kids are shrieking. The wives get arrested. A bunch of airline personnel arrive and make every single person in that tour group get off the plane. It was one those jumbo jets. We left Miami with 7 passengers and, I believe, a lot of luggage from the ejected passengers. 10/07
FOLLOWED BY FRAT BOYS
On my most recent flight from Chicago to Tokyo, a 12+ hour flight, seated three rows behind me were a small group of guys. Evidently, they were frat boys on a drinking vacation to the bars in Tokyo and were eagerly talking about their plans. It wasn't bad enough that they could be heard above the usual din of coach seating, but one frat boy was particularly annoying. He would accent his remarks with an annoying "heh, heh, heh." Every comment or question. Even when eating, he would mutter "heh, heh, heh" between bites, and not even saying anything. As the plane chased the twilight, I thought, "Good, at least he'll go to sleep." But no, I woke up no less than 6 times to that nasally irritant. On the way back, wouldn't you know it? That same group of frat boys were seated three rows behind me AGAIN. This time, I just put on the complimentary headphones, and although they weren't comfortable at all, I turned up the volume on whatever was playing. Even then, I could still hear that "heh, heh, heh" occasionally when the audio was low or between songs. 10/07
VIOLENT VEGETARIAN HURLS SEEDS
Well let me preface this with the fact I am a vegetarian. I know well ahead of time that most airlines have a problem accommodating us, so I always get something to eat before boarding. On a flight from SFO to Denver, I sat next to a young woman who was also a vegetarian. She was eating a bag of seeds, so it was pretty easy to figure out. OK, the wool sweater, braids, and Birkenstocks were also a dead give away. Anyhow, when the meal cart squeaked by, she asked if they had her vegetarian meal. Of course they did not, at which point this seemingly innocent hippy turned evil. She barked some insults, then proceeded to throw (THROW) her remaining bag of seeds across me (I was aisle, she was middle) and hit the attendant in the face with the bag. Seeds flew on countless passengers and the food on the cart. No one knew what to do next. The attendant silently wheeled to the back of the aircraft. A few moments later, another attendant asked her to take a walk to the back where I am assuming they had a come to Jesus talk, since when she returned she picked up all the seeds on the floor. The best part? everyone clapped when she finally sat down after her cleanup. 10/07
MOTOR MOUTHS
This happened a few years ago. My wife and I flew out to Los Angeles to visit her daughter. On the return flight home, which was the red eye to Chicago, there were three young women sitting behind us. As everyone was trying to get settled, and at least trying to get some sleep, these three ladies chatted up a storm. Their conversation could be heard through out the aircraft; twice the flight attendants asked them to keep the chatter to a low roar. Wrong thing to say, as they became louder and louder, and it got even worse when a flight attendant announced departure would be delayed a few minutes. My timing couldn't have been any better when one of the motor mouths complained about the delay. Without missing a beat I said, "If you would just shut up, we can leave." No sooner had I said that when the aircraft began to be pushed back from the gate. Laughter filled the front of the aircraft, but didn't keep the three from talking loudly the entire 3.5 hr flight to Chicago. 10/07
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