Odors
AUTOMATIC GAS EMISSIONSOn my 10 1/2-hour international flight, I got stuck behind a man who dealt silent-but-deadly farts at regular intervals. It was about every fifteen or twenty minutes. I could almost set my watch on it. What's more, he would look around before, during and after each one. My entire row was a little bit green around the gills by the time the flight was over.
It was like a very gross version of those air fresheners that you can set to spray every few minutes. 8/08 | <<Latest Stories
PUKING UP TOENAILS
My friend and I were on an early morning flight from Jacksonville to Atlanta. We arrived in good time and checked our bags, went through security and made a pit stop at the bathroom before going to the gate. In one of the stalls was a woman puking up her toenails. I felt sorry for her but was sincerely hoping she wouldn't be on our flight. No such luck. We boarded and she, along with her unmistakable aroma was seated directly across the aisle from us. Thank heaven she was done (at least for this flight.) She placed a pillow on her lap and leaned forward to sleep for the duration. The lady in front of her asked to change seats, though, because it seems the sick woman's nose was stopped up and she was breathing through her mouth. 12/07
HEARING IMPAIRED
On a flight in 2005 from Dulles International to San Francisco, I was traveling with a large group of classmates on the way home from the school's DC trip. About 20 minutes after takeoff I decided to plug into the movie being shown. I absentmindedly reached for the courtesy headphones, putting them on my head while watching the movie. At this point I noticed a strange smell, and felt something wet by my ear. I took the headphones off, and too my horror realized that they were doused in vomit! I rushed to the bathroom to wash my head, alerting the flight attendant on the way. In the end, I was moved to another seat, but wasn't given another pair of headphones. I sat bored through the rest of the whole 5 1/2 hour flight. 12/07
MR. POOPY PANTS
January -- flight from Fort Lauderdale to Minneapolis/St Paul.
SO what's the absolute worst thing that can happen on a plane? Well, it happened to me. Actually, the second worst thing happened to me. THE absolute worst thing happened to the lady who was sitting behind me, next to the antagonist.
Guy in the 2nd to the last row poops in his pants about 10 minutes into the flight -- we're talking the big D here, and I think he'd been eating seafood all week. Really really terrible. Anyway, he didn't even try to wash it out of his pants - he just sat there in his own poo...For over three hours.
The flight attendants were actually pretty terrific -- handing out bags of coffee grounds for us to hold up to our noses. I actually went into the bathroom to ESCAPE the smell of the cabin! That was the closest I ever felt to air rage - I think we all would have tossed him off the plane if we could have figured out a way to do it. What a jerk.
The flight attendants thoughtfully cracked the back door of the plane once we arrived at the gate. For a few brief moments, sweet, cold, odor-free air circulated rapidly around the cabin. Mr. Poopy Pants immediately jumps us and screams "Oooohh that's Coooooold" and starts pushing past everyone saying, "I gotta get inside this is just too cold. Please close the door." Given the choice of five more minutes of stench vs. poo-stained passengers, the flight attendants closed the door.
As my wife and I were leaving the gate, I saw him being whisked to his next flight by a skycap, still in his poop-soaked drawers.
I gave him the finger. 12/07
EMERGENCY LEADS TO STINKY SITUATION
A few years ago I was flying from JFK to Las Vegas, non stop, on an evening flight. Flying time is about 5 1/2 hours. About an hour out, a woman in the rear of the plane starts screaming, really screaming. Her husband (big guy, probably under 40) is having an attack of some kind. There is a doctor on board and a paramedic. They rush back with the airline attendants, clear out about 4 rows of seats to work on him with the oxygen tanks and other equipment. He is lying down across one of the three seat rows and the aisle is now blocked with equipment, personnel etc.
They decide to fly through to Las Vegas and not land for assistance. We have about 4 1/2 hours to go. Because of the emergency going on in the back, there is no beverage/snack service and the rear bathroom is not available, only the front one. Now the entire plane has to use the front bathroom.
With about 2 hours to go before landing, the front bathroom overflows and starts seeping down the aisle all the way to the back of the plane. And people keep using the facility because they have to go and there is no place else.
I was in Vietnam in 1968, but nothing smelled as bad as that plane. Everyone was gagging. It was unbelievable. 11/07
BAD B.O.
On a flight from Oakland to Kona, I was stuck sitting next to a man with horrible body odor. He apparently did not wear deodorant, and I dreaded every time he would raise his arm for something. Add to that the fact that I get motion sickness very easily, and I really thought I was going to throw up right there in my seat. So I spent the whole 5.5 hour flight as close as possible to the window as I could, curled up with a blanket. To make matters worse, it was a full flight, so I couldn't ask to be moved anywhere. Terrible! 11/07
GIRLFRIEND'S ARMPITS BEATS PASSENGER'S B.O.
On my way back from Germany in 2003, I had the pleasure of being seated next to a man and his family. It took only seconds after he sat down for me to realize that evidently he did not believe in deodorant. And for the next 13 hours, with every shift in position he made, I was re-acquainted with his very strong personal odor. On several instances, I literally buried my nose into my girlfriend's armpit to escape his smell. 10/07
GASSY PASSENGER
I was on a night flight from Bangkok to Shanghai and was catching some sleep when the guy beside me started to burp loudly (and to remind you some burping comes with smell), next he started snoring loud enough for the world to hear, and to increase my ordeal he farted! That was the worse sleepless night I ever have had on a flight. 10/07
STINKY FROM SEATMATE'S SWEAT
This was truly my flight from Hell. I was working in Nashville looking to get home to San Diego after being gone for 2 weeks. First Leg: Nashville to Las Vegas, I did not do my normal Southwest flight but rather my admin set me on some other funky airline where they assign you seats. I was the poor soul that got stuck in the middle seat with a guy that was 550lbs. The worst part was that that the guy wreaked and sweated on me as he overtook 1/3 of my seat for 3 hrs of hell. Wait, it gets better, I then catch my connecting flight (a puddle jump to San Diego from Las Vegas but the plane is delayed due to mechanical failures while we are seated in the plane 100 degrees outside (no air) and I reek like this fat guy because his sweat is still all over me. The guy next to me is looking at me like I am some kinda freak who smells. I tell him the story and he is a complete jerk and says, good one, I will remember that next time I smell....1.5 hrs later, we get the go ahead to taxi again, as we start to pull out, some bonehead decides to let the flight attendant know that their seat does not come up from its recline position. the plane is turned around and we wait another hour until the seat is fixed. Arrive home at 2:00am in the morning...stinky, tired but happy to be home nonetheless :-). 10/07
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